092: The Importance Of The Beautiful No w/ Sheri Salata

092: The Importance Of The Beautiful No w/ Sheri Salata

by Dr. Anna Cabeca June 30, 2019

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Have you ever had a disappointment that’s turned out to be one of the best things that have ever happened to you? That’s the concept of a beautiful no. Today’s guest, author, and speaker  Sheri Salata is here to talk about her new book and share some of the experiences she’s had that led her to write it.

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Sheri is a writer and producer, co-host of her own podcast The Sheri & Nancy Show, co-founder of The Pillars of Life, and former executive producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show. She is one of the most inspirational women I know, and I’m so happy to introduce her today as my friend.

Sheri was 35 years old when she started working on The Oprah Show in an entry-level position. By the time she turned 50, she was working in her high-level position and living her dream career. But was it the life of her dreams?

It’s so important to know that it’s never too late to start living the life of your dreams.

But living this life takes regular check-ins with yourself and a healthy group of friends around you to act as a sounding board. You might need to push yourself to get outside your comfort zone. And, most of all, you need to become the expert on who you are, what works for your health, and understand what makes you different from everyone else.

Have you experienced a no that turned out to be beautiful? Do you check in with yourself regularly? How do you incorporate meditation into your daily life?

In This Episode:

  • Why it’s never too late to live the life of your dreams
  • How a no can actually turn out to be an absolute gift to your life
  • Why you need to regularly check in with yourself in order to live the life of your dreams
  • What happens when you push yourself
  • Why you need to become the expert on you and your health
  • How meditation helps you center yourself in your own story
  • Why we need each other to make sense of your life 

Subscribe to Couch Talk w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca on Youtube  

Quotes:

“Recalibrating the way I moved through a day. It’s an ongoing process, it’s not one and done. It’s not checking goals off a piece of paper. It really is about checking in with myself so consciously every day that even when I’m making mistakes or I’m not doing some of the things that I know make me feel good, I know I can make a different decision by 4 o’clock.” (12:51)

“Doing things that are good for me, like medicine, is not inspiring to me. What I’ve had to change, is that I’m leaning into all the things that really, really feel good. Because I understand how much easier it is to just shower myself with love for myself when I feel good. It’s a love practice.” (19:51)

“Feel empowered and enlivened that you’re the expert on you. You’re getting to know yourself. You have your own recipe. What works for you is not the same as what’s going to bright for me. Your joy is yours to define.” (24:05)

Links

Find Sheri Salata Online

Follow Sheri Salata on Facebook |Instagram |Twitter

Listen to The Sheri & Nancy Show podcast

Get the book The Beautiful No and The Beautiful No Experience

Join theKetoGreen Community on Facebook

BuyThe Hormone Fix

 

Transcript:

Sheri Salata:
That old notion that someone else is going to come along and take care of your life for you is just ancient, and in a new day to feel empowered and enlivened that you're the expert on you, you're getting to know yourself, you have your own recipe, that what works for you is not the same as what's going to be right for me. There's so much power and freedom in that if we're only willing to not look at it as a burden but the joy of discovering ourselves and what path is right.

Dr. Anna:
Hello everyone. It's Dr. Anna Cabeca here. I am thrilled to be here with a dear friend and an inspirational woman, really one of the most inspirational women that I've ever met. And I'm excited to share a bit of her with you, my audience, and also her story and her new book, which is called The Beautiful No.

Dr. Anna:
Now, I know many of us in our lives have received a beautiful no. We may not have felt that it was beautiful at the time, but that we can look back and reflect and see how it is beautiful is really huge. So I want to introduce you to our guest, my guest today. And her name is Sheri Salata.

Dr. Anna:
Now she has worked with one of the most famous women in our history. And I want to share a little bit about her journey, and actually I'm going to have her tell you a little bit about her journey too. Her story is that she has grown from being grown up in Chicago, family life, going through a series of journeys which ended her up, lo and behold, at the Oprah Winfrey show. And she had 20 years with the Oprah Winfrey show as the executive producer, her dream job. So I want to bring on Sheri Salata and have her introduce and tell some of her story to all of you guys. I'm excited to share her with you today.

Dr. Anna:
Hey, Sheri.

Sheri Salata:
Oh my gosh, Dr. Anna. The girlfriend doctor. And I'm you're girlfriend, so here we are.

Dr. Anna:
I love it. And I do love that you call me the girlfriend doctor. I'm like, "I love that."

Sheri Salata:
You so are. You so are.

Dr. Anna:
[crosstalk 00:02:12]

Sheri Salata:
Oh my goodness. Well thank you for that kind introduction. I mean, here's the truth. I didn't start working for Oprah till I was 35, and I got hired in an entry level position. So for anybody listening out there who hasn't been able to kind of crack the code for themselves, let me be the voice of hope for you that it's never too late.

Sheri Salata:
And I did not start there till I was 35. 15 years later, when I was 50 years old, and maybe right before that I became the executive producer of the show. So I had lots of jobs along the way. And it truly was a once in a lifetime, dream come true experience. I learned so much from it, as you know.

Dr. Anna:
So let's share some of that, and then your journey since then, because I'll tell our audience how I met Sheri, Sheri and Nancy both. She was doing a three-day retreat, an educational stint, community gathering let's say-

Sheri Salata:
That's right.

Dr. Anna:
1440 Multiversity in... What would you call that area?

Sheri Salata:
It's Santa Cruz. It's right outside Santa Cruz in the redwoods. And Nancy and I, right, we did a weekend retreat with... I think it was about 400 people. And we had a big cast, and lo and behold, you somehow ended up there.

Dr. Anna:
I did. And it was actually somewhat accidental, but I was looking to get away, and there was one weekend I had available. I heard about 1440 Multiversity for its amazing setup and sessions. I looked it up, and I saw This Is Fifty, Sheri and Nancy. I'm like, "That's perfect for me."

Dr. Anna:
And I ended up there, visited my brother along the way. And I just fell in love with you guys honestly. I was inspired. You had amazing, amazing people. Just [Laura Berman 00:03:59] from Saint Simon's Island, where I am. She [crosstalk 00:04:02] speakers. Deepak Chopra, and the founder of SoulCycle.

Sheri Salata:
And Kris Carr, and oh yeah. It was good. Dani Shapiro, who's now on her own national book tour. Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent, my dear friends.

Dr. Anna:
That's right. That's right.

Sheri Salata:
That was crazy. It was crazy fun. I'd like to do that again, actually.

Dr. Anna:
Let me know. I'm calendaring it in. [crosstalk 00:04:26] And I will bring as many of my tribe ladies listening today as much as possible. I definitely think it was one of the incredibly valuable experience.

Dr. Anna:
So what brought you to write The Beautiful No?

Sheri Salata:
Right. Well first of all, it was an amazing opportunity. My publisher at Harper Wave, which is an imprint of HarperCollins, is a woman in her 50s. Her name is Karen Rinaldi, and she has an incredible story herself. We had a great meeting, and it eventually led to her offering me a contract. And it started off like, wow, who doesn't want to write a book? That's so great. And have a little piece of legacy with your name it.

Sheri Salata:
Well the first year, I struggled so badly to figure out what I was writing about. I literally almost quit. I was like, "You know what? I don't need this. I've had all kinds of TV-producing stress. I don't need anymore stress."

Sheri Salata:
And then I woke up on Christmas morning, a year ago last Christmas, and I thought, "You know, Sheri Salata? Who gets this privilege? And it's such a fantastic opportunity to really kind of mine the depths of everything you've experienced, everything you've learned. You had a seat at one of the most valuable tables on the planet. Every thought leader, every wisdom keeper." And I pulled myself together, and I spent a year hunkered down really processing and storytelling, putting it on the page. And that's what's happening right now.

Sheri Salata:
Now what's so weird, Dr. Anna, is I'm out in the world, and it's out there, and it's kind of like I wake up in the morning, because I'm in the midst of the thick of it right now, of this book launch, and I think, "Oh, let it just find its way into the hands of someone who really needs that message today."

Sheri Salata:
And ultimately, the message is... It's the same message I say to myself, the same message my cohost Nancy Hala and friend of 30 years says to herself, that it's never too late to live the life of your dreams. And if not now, when?

Dr. Anna:
I love that. If not now, when? Right? And also, you're one of the podcasts that I listen to religiously, the Sheri and Nancy Show. I love that. I love your entrance song. So inspirational. And I just crack up, because it is like girlfriends at the table, just full on, full disclosure, no one else is listening, right? Not a million... You've had over a million downloads, right? Thousands of people are listening.

Sheri Salata:
I know. I know. That's what Nancy and I always say to ourselves, is that when someone will say, "Oh, you guys were so brave," we're like, "Oh God. What did we talk about?" Because it just feels like we're just having a girlfriend chat, and next thing you know, we've spilled the beans.

Dr. Anna:
Yeah. I get it. I want our listeners right now, look in the past and think what was a no that you faced that you can look back now and say that was a beautiful no? And you've really made me reflect in reading your book. And I was blessed to get an advance copy. I love it. I endorse it. I've got notes all throughout here. And oh my gosh I've written [crosstalk 00:07:43]

Sheri Salata:
I love to see that. I love to see that. That's what I wanted. I wanted it to be thought-provoking. There's no other reason to do this. There's no other reason to write these stories. There's no other reason to share these very... I feel like my skin's not on my body sometimes. I feel so vulnerable. But there's no other reason to do it, unless somebody's writing notes to themselves about their own lives.

Dr. Anna:
Yeah. Yeah. And it's so true, because also be able to look forward. Because here we can look back and say, "Oh yeah, that was a beautiful no." Now when we're in the throes of a beautiful no, a no, we have to determine, "All right. How do I handle this no right now?"

Dr. Anna:
Let's dig into that a little bit, because I'm facing kind of a no right now, and I'm like, "Huh. How is this going to be a beautiful no? How will I be able to look back and say [crosstalk 00:08:35]"

Sheri Salata:
I know. Now listen, you're already asking the right question. I mean, that is the title story of the book, and it's the story about how I got the job at the Oprah Show. And the no, the real no... There was a bunch of nos in that story, but the big, big, beautiful no was, I was up for a big job in advertising at an advertising agency, and I was broke. I was desperate. I needed the job so bad. I could barely pay my rent. And I went in for the interview, and he... "You're just what we're looking for." And I celebrated prematurely, because I didn't have the final offer. And sure enough, he ended up not hiring, and I didn't get the job.

Sheri Salata:
So I was devastated, because my hopes were up so high. And shortly after that, I go the message to come in and freelance at the Oprah Show. And it was only several years later, when I was in the midst of all that dreamy Oprah-ness, that I could look back and say, "Oh my gosh. If he had hired me, and I had the security of that staff job with the big $75,000 it paid, or whatever that amount was, I never would have quit that security a short time later to go freelance at Oprah, and then my life would have been very, very, very, very different." I wouldn't have had the courage to take a shot at that big dream, because I had been feeling desperate, and I was longing for security, so I could see that that no was so beautiful. It was such a gift.

Sheri Salata:
And I literally retraced all my lives, like a man I loved early on who didn't love me back. What would my life have been? Oh my gosh. Intrinsically, he knew we were ill-matched in a way that I didn't. So that's what I continue to say, is every no, I think, has a lot of gorgeousness to it, my friend.

Dr. Anna:
Yeah, I think that's a good way to look at it, is just, okay, the beauty may be a little rough to find right now, but have faith. Have faith, and we can face that.

Dr. Anna:
So tell more about your story with Oprah.

Sheri Salata:
Well I mean, it was really incredible. And even beyond Oprah, it was the staff, the people who had been drawn there. It was the assembling of divine intelligence. Everybody has a story as miraculous as mine of how they found their way to the Oprah Show. And to be within that ecosystem for 20 years was really life-changing. And I often say, Dr. Anna, that there are a lot of great company benefits, but the number one company benefit for me was being paid to build a spiritual life.

Sheri Salata:
I was raised Catholic. By the time I got to college, I was questioning. I'm like, "It's not really speaking to my soul, although I appreciate it and have reverence." And next thing you know, I'm at the Oprah Show, and I'm exposed to all kinds of new ideas spiritually and different wisdom keepers. I got to look for the language that was mine.

Sheri Salata:
And then I find myself in my mid-50s with this super solid spiritual foundation. And I was brave enough and actualized enough to be able to say the hard thing to myself, which was, "You've manifested the career of your dreams. Great job, Sheri. Great job. You were really trying for that in your 20s, and it didn't happen. But you haven't manifested the life of your dreams. And what is the life of your dreams now? Do you even know? What is it that you really want? And in all the areas of your life. Because I know it's possible. I know we're supposed to live the lives of our dreams."

Sheri Salata:
So that's really been my journey the last three years, which is mining the gold, gathering my gems, really deciding, tweaking my personal recipe for what my dream life looks like, reinventing my relationships, recalibrating the way I move through a day. And it's an ongoing process. It's not one and done. It's not checking goals off a piece of paper. It really is about checking in with myself so consciously every day that even when I'm making mistakes or I'm not doing some of the things that I know make me feel good, I know I can make a different decision by 4:00.

Dr. Anna:
You can change the direction that you're going into. And in your book, in your story, and something that you shared when I first met you at 1440, is that you woke up one morning and you said... You're like, "I woke up one morning. Here's this realization. I think you're 53, 100 pounds overweight, and [crosstalk 00:13:37]" And it was like, "Wait, what just happened?"

Sheri Salata:
I know. Well I mean, that's a rare gift I have. I don't know if it's rare. It seems like it's particular to me a lot. Which is I can go unconscious about something for years at a time. It stuns me. To even now, I see that I still have that propensity, that unless I really require of myself a level of conscious attention with tenderness and compassion for myself, I can literally lose years and not realize, "Wow, you're not healthy. Wow, you haven't manifested the love you say you want. Wow, are you living the life of your dreams? Is this it?"

Sheri Salata:
It shocks me still. That's something Nancy and I talk about a lot every week, as you know since you listen, that she has a little bit of that too. And unless I say to myself, "If you want the life of your dreams, you're going to have to check in hour by hour, and make those choices moment by moment, and really remind that you are creating a recipe for what loving yourself most looks like." That's the only way for me. The only way.

Sheri Salata:
Even like this last week. So I'm going to tell you this. This last week, I'm on the road. I'm in hotels. I'm in airports. I'm in airport lounges. And like yesterday I had the big fricking plate of cheese cubes at the United lounge. And I could feel. I'm like, "What's happening here? I'm a little anxious. I'm feeling a little lonely. I'm feeling a little spent, because I met 1000 people on the road who were lovely and wonderful, but that's an energy expense." And I was like, "It's just interesting, Sheri, to stay on track here and see how your first reach are for old habits that led to the life that wasn't the life of your dreams."

Dr. Anna:
Comfort foods, right? Things that are like, "Okay, I know this is going to make me feel good in the short term, because it's [crosstalk 00:15:47] nervous system, but in the long term I'm going to feel worse." But you had the awareness, Sheri. I mean, that's a bravo moment.

Sheri Salata:
Oh yeah. That's huge.

Dr. Anna:
That's huge. You're like, "I recognize why I'm doing this. I'm exhausted. I'm worn out. I'm drained. I'm spent." Right? The empty bucket phenomenon, right? Like just fill it with whatever.

Sheri Salata:
For sure. And here's a real, a major shift that I'm in the process of making. That voice needs to be tender. That harsh, critical voice where I just beat myself up and like whip myself into, "Go. Push. You're not this enough. You're not that enough. You need to do more of this. You need to do that." Guilt. Shame. All those things in that really harsh voice on that automatic tape that goes in our heads. If you're of a certain age, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond, there is a little bit of a generational thing that you have to make sure that you have neutralized. I see it way less in younger women. There's some kind of shift where they're not quite as consistently awful with themselves. But I am not able to make these changes and to move forward, Dr. Anna, unless I'm talking to myself with great love.

Dr. Anna:
I think that's huge, and I love what you say. You're making the life of your dreams, the love of your dreams. [crosstalk 00:17:17] manifesting this. And so the relationship of your dreams, relationship with yourself... I always love to give the analogy of like, if you're coaching your six-year-old self, right? How would you coach your six-year-old self? Or your best friend's daughter, right? It's a different language, a different tenderness, a different feeling. And then also there's a lot of grace, right? We have to give ourselves [crosstalk 00:17:40]

Sheri Salata:
Oh my gosh, I love that so much> I think of Nancy's daughter, Oliva. I call her my spirit niece. I would only speak to her, I would only beckon her with words of love and support and encouragement.

Sheri Salata:
Sometimes I think about the way I talk to my two English bulldogs, Bella and Kissy. And it's like, everything they do amazes me. Every little thing delights me. And I think, "Gosh, Sheri. As you continue to develop this tender voice for yourself, when you start really, really embracing yourself the way you look at those two babies, it's over. It's over. You are [crosstalk 00:18:21] on the joyride for every day that you walk the planet."

Dr. Anna:
Yes. Yeah. I love in your book, too, again, the very vulnerable book, The Beautiful No, right? Like there's nothing, I mean there's very little that you've held back.

Sheri Salata:
I know. I know.

Dr. Anna:
[crosstalk 00:18:39] really aware of ourselves and just love you even more. But one part is, also sometimes we set ourselves up for defeat, like for example going into that advanced workout class with 20-year-olds, right? Or being pushed by a Olympic trainer. I mean, we want the best, but...

Sheri Salata:
Yes. Yeah, and you know, it's so interesting, because I'm really steeped in my stories right now, and what I do realize is, all that is is about self-sabotage. That is not anything but a secret, unconscious self-sabotage, because that all-or-nothing mentality... I've gone back many times in my life and see how it's like I'm running half marathons for six months, then I'm doing nothing. I'm doing this for six months, and then I'm doing nothing. And that all-or-nothing mentality usually for me ends up for nothing. Like I've got nothing in my hands and nothing to show for it, because I decide that it's not exciting, or that it's boring, to take the little steps that add up to day in, day out, feel good, feel good.

Sheri Salata:
So I kind of had to change the framing of that, because doing things that are good for me, like medicine, is not inspiring to me. And what I've had to change... And again, work in progress. Is that I'm leaning into all the things that really, really, really, really feel good, because I understand how much easier it is to just shower myself with love for myself when I feel good. It's a love practice. Having my 100 ounces of water today is a love practice. That's inspiring to me than, "Well, it's good for you." You know?

Dr. Anna:
I love that. I love the self-care. I have to sometimes think of that inner child. Like, "Okay, what would I do for her?" Right? I do. It's a discipline and a practice, because I'm going to be the most critical person of myself, right? And especially when we're stressed and we're worn out and we're exhausted, it comes easy to be self-critical.

Sheri Salata:
Yeah. Oh yes. I've been down that road many times. And when I don't pay attention. Like every now and then, and this is tip, just like, what are you saying to yourself? What's going on there? What's happening? What word is happening? Are you judging your appearance? Or you don't feel good in your body? Or you're beating yourself up about this or that and what you haven't gotten done? You have to tune in and listen to it, otherwise it's just running the show and you don't know it.

Dr. Anna:
Yeah. And again, that awareness when we're doing something that we know is somewhat destructive. I love this part. I mean, I love everything in your book, but I [inaudible 00:21:28] this too, because also on the health, right? Like as a physician. Like how do we restore our health? You actually have your pillars. I love your pillar [crosstalk 00:21:37]. And you go through that, and I think that's so beautiful, that you write here, "Looking back on my life through compassionate eyes, I can begin to understand the patterns that brought me here. Just like a physician would take a medical history, I examine my own health background. What are my beliefs about wellness, and where do they come from?" And then, "The story began before I did."

Dr. Anna:
That concept of, why are we doing what we're doing? And where's the truth in it? And what's true to us?

Sheri Salata:
That's right.

Dr. Anna:
[crosstalk 00:22:07] process. So this person, that person can do A, B, and C. But what is true to us?

Sheri Salata:
And again, I think this is a generational issue and worth looking at if you are in your 40s, 50s, or 60s. I was raised with the idea that you doctors, Dr. Anna, are our gods and always kind of feeling like-

Dr. Anna:
Well I like that, Sheri. Let me [crosstalk 00:22:32]

Sheri Salata:
Goddesses. Goddesses. And-

Dr. Anna:
Don't stop. Don't stop. No, I'm kidding. Okay, go ahead.

Sheri Salata:
And not to be questioned, and that there was a thing is... You just turn yourself over to these god-like beings who are the final authority on your health and your wellness. And I don't know. I think for a long time, I've just been waiting and waiting for someone to come along and be the expert on me and tell me everything. And I see that even now, like that little bit of a propensity to just want someone just... Just come on, take it over and then tell me everything's going to be okay.

Sheri Salata:
And once I had that moment where I'm like, "Nobody's coming to do that for you." So you sat there. You had a front row seat at the Oprah Show, at all the experts in the world, on the planet, and here's what you know. You know this better than anybody else would know this, that at some point you have to become the expert on you. And the doctors in your lives are part of your team, but you're in charge. Never is that more poignantly expressed than my friend Kris Carr, Crazy Sexy Cancer, who said that she had to become the CEO of Save My [inaudible 00:23:49] Technologies when she was diagnosed with a rare cancer years ago.

Sheri Salata:
And I like that, because that old notion that someone else is going to come along and take care of your life for you is just ancient, and in a new day to feel empowered and enlivened that you're the expert on you, you're getting to know yourself, you have your own recipe, that what works for you is not the same as what's going to be right for me, that your joyride is yours to define. Mine is mine to define. And there's so much power and freedom in that if we're only willing to not look at it as a burden but the joy of discovering ourselves and what path is right.

Dr. Anna:
I love that. I love that. Be the CEO of your health. I've heard you say that before. And take charge. Don't give your power away to anyone, even me. Although I [inaudible 00:24:47]. But don't give it to me.

Sheri Salata:
No, but here's the great news. If you will look at yourself as the curator, like you're curating what comes into your life, what kinds of relationships, what kind of conversations, what kind of television, what kind of radio, what kind of podcasts. You're in charge of the curation knowing that what you ingest energetically, informationally, that's creating your life experience. So like what I like is to experience somebody like you, Dr. Anna, hear what you have to say, and go, "Oh, this resonates. That resonates. This resonates." But in the end, I can't make you responsible for my health and wellbeing. You are a [inaudible 00:25:33]. You're a guide. You shine a light on possibilities. But in the end, I'm the one who has to put it together.

Dr. Anna:
Right. Right. And you have to incorporate it into your life, into your daily routine, into your mental thoughts, into every aspect.

Dr. Anna:
The spirituality aspect so interests me, because you've had exposure to... We've mentioned Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, the Dalai Lama even. And then just hundreds of [crosstalk 00:26:02]

Sheri Salata:
I know. Hundreds of [crosstalk 00:26:03]

Dr. Anna:
Hundreds. So what is the spiritual practice that resonates with you, that keeps you in that center? Especially like your book tour and you're running around and you're... You know?

Sheri Salata:
Well there is no question that meditation is a universal benefit for anybody who partakes in any kind, way, form, whatever. And when my meditation practice is on point, I am filled with love for myself, and that makes all the difference in the world. Everything quiets down. My bird's eye view gets higher, so I'm not all in the midst of what's happening externally.

Sheri Salata:
For me, my language is Abraham Hicks. So I do lots of spiritual reading. I read lots of stuff by Abraham Hicks. I listen to CDs. I like knowing that I, with this mystical, magical, loving, universal force, that I am co-creating all of it. There's two ways to go. There's the hard road, which I've taken many, many times, and then there's the road of ease. The road of ease. And that road really seems to be when you make coming to alignment with that force, however you define it. It feels like there's this flood of energy and wellbeing that we can connect to when we're mindful, when we listen to our breath, when we quiet our minds. And also, Dr. Anna, when we realize this is kind of a bit of a play we're in. We're characters in each other's stories. There's a much bigger story going on here, that the world is good, and life is good, and we're supposed to live the lives of our dreams. And what does that mean? And that's the fun of figuring that out.

Dr. Anna:
I love that. We definitely are supposed to live the life of our dreams. And you know, one of the things, if you can dream it, you can obtain it in some form or another. And I think that's... Being able to dream... Now, you focused, you and Nancy, from This Is Fifty to the Sheri and Nancy Show, on this midlife transition time period, right? This reinvention time period as we enter this time of wonder, because wonder what the hell is happening to my [inaudible 00:28:23] otherwise wondering like, what can we do? What is it that all these skills that we've learned over the years? Now what does that transition into or transform into?

Sheri Salata:
Right. Nancy has children. She just texted me this morning. Her son Alex, who's my spirit nephew, turns 27 today. Oh my God. That's the year I moved home in shame from Dallas, Texas that I write about in the book. And I'm like, "Oh my God. He's 27. I held that baby in my arms."

Sheri Salata:
I think for those of you who have children, they age you a little bit, because they keep getting taller and reminding you that you must be aging too. I don't quite have that frame of reference in my face all the time, so it's a little easier for me to kind of not get caught up in that linear way of thinking.

Sheri Salata:
But one thing I will say, and this is what Nancy and I talk about a lot. We have a decision to make. And for us, it was in out 50s, when we looked at each other over big buckets of Chardonnay and said, "I'm not done yet. How about you? How about you, my friend? I'm not done yet. I still have lots of dreams I want to manifest." I certainly had some glorious working at the Oprah Show, but I want them to be a foundation for my most glorious days yet to come. So I don't want to be sitting around waiting for the clock to run out.

Sheri Salata:
So what does that mean? That means I want to be juicy and sexy and creative and innovative and constantly dreaming up new things for myself, as opposed to the other decision. I'm going to deal with my suitcases and my baggage so I'm not lugging that around forever. And I'm just going to realize that I don't want to end up at 90 years old with a big old bucket list that never got experienced, and a body I can't move, and regrets of, "Wow, remember in your 50s when you said you could live the life of your dreams? Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you do it?" That's not going to my story.

Dr. Anna:
No, no, not at all. And I hope you realize how many people you have influenced already. It is far, vast, and wide. And I remember humbly you and Nancy talking onstage, and you're like, "Man, we thought we'd have this great little women's retreat, and we wondered if anyone would show up." And there's like 400 of us in the audience and waiting list for more. So it's true. It's like that impact is vast and broad. And it's exciting, because it gives us also another perspective. Like, we're not alone. I mean here, Sheri, honestly I can say, "Okay, well Sheri had exposure to these people I only dream about having exposure to, right? I've dreamt about. And she struggled too on that self-love, that self-care, that self-compassion." Right?

Sheri Salata:
Yes.

Dr. Anna:
I got to do this for me. I'm doing everything for everyone else, making sure that this entire massive crew and information gets presented in such an amazing way. But there wasn't that self-attention, self-love reflected or expelled. [inaudible 00:31:38] I got to take care of me too.

Sheri Salata:
Yes. Absolutely. And you know, I think the other big reframing and big tweak to make is, we need each other. We need to have these conversations. This is the only conversation I really want to have. I want to talk about upliftment, and I want to talk about your dreams, and my dreams, and how they're coming into shape, and I want to be exposed to new ideas. Those conversations and that support of like kind of changing your idea of what friendship looks like, and it's not commiseration and gossip and seeing who can win the my life is so bad contest or you're not going to believe what happened to me contest, but instead like, tell me what's on your mind. Tell me what's in your heart. Tell me what you learned about yourself this week. Oh my God, I know you can do it. That's so great.

Sheri Salata:
There is absolute, complete and total power in us looking at one another across the table and really deciding to support one another in that rise up to the life of our dreams, because it feels great to do it together.

Dr. Anna:
It's so much more fun, especially if it's over Chardonnay, but that's [crosstalk 00:32:52]. You know-

Sheri Salata:
Or green juice.

Dr. Anna:
Green juice. [inaudible 00:32:58] you all.

Sheri Salata:
That's right.

Dr. Anna:
And I love that we need each other, right? We can't do it alone. We do it in community, and then we increase our oxytocin. We increase just overall the health benefits to ourselves. And certainly that's contagious, and that has long-reaching effects for sure.

Dr. Anna:
And I remember you saying one time, too, that when you and Nancy, you went to conscientiously stop from complaining about A, B, and C [crosstalk 00:33:26] This is what's good. This is what's positive. No more than one minute of [inaudible 00:33:32] Stop me.

Sheri Salata:
Oh yeah. We give ourselves a minute to stomp around and be like, "You're not going to believe this." Like okay, let's get off that. Let's reframe that, and let's push on, because you start getting momentum around the downward spiral, and pretty soon you're down. You're low. It's hard to get out of bed. You feel disappointed. You feel depressed. You feel like it's not possible. But you get ahold of a little piece of hope and start kind of giving that some time and attention, next thing you know you feel like you really can have what you say you want.

Dr. Anna:
Have the life you dream. I love that. So Sheri, tell everyone about your book and where to get it, and also the [crosstalk 00:34:15]

Sheri Salata:
Yes. Okay, so it's everywhere. So it's doing very well on Amazon. It's on the front table at Barnes & Noble At thebeautifulno.com I have all the little buy buttons, so you can pick your favorite seller. And at thebeautifulno.com, when you put your little order number in, we've created a 64-page free companion workbook, so you can have your own beautiful no experience, which I put a lot of time into that. I think it's really good. I would love it, and I'm doing it. I went to Staples, staples.com, and I uploaded the PDF and had them bind it for me, because I wanted to be able to write it right in the notebook. So yeah. So it's beautifulno.com. Everything's there. Where I'm going to be. I'm adding events all the time.

Sheri Salata:
And Dr. Anna, I just can't even believe that you had me on, and I really appreciate it.

Dr. Anna:
I thank you. I thank you. I've been looking forward to this conversation for sure. I've been looking forward to it. I'm glad to share you with my community.

Dr. Anna:
So all of you that are listening, please share this with your Facebook friends, with your community. Share this as the podcast, and let people know about this book, The Beautiful No. And I want to hear your stories. Comment below, and let me know. Like what is your beautiful no? Can you look back and think of that beautiful no? Maybe it was the no to a relationship. Maybe it was the no to the job like with Sheri that led her to work with Oprah Winfrey for 20 years, and then just to redefine herself now in her life experience and expressing her love and compassion both for others and herself in this really, really community-centric way that I just love. So list your beautiful nos down below, and go to thebeautifulno.com. Definitely enter your order number so that you can get the companion journal. I'm going to do that right now. I have it open on my page. So I'm looking forward to that. And thank you all for listening.

Dr. Anna Cabeca
Dr. Anna Cabeca

Dr. Anna is a Triple Board Certified OB/GYN, Anti-Aging Medicine expert, and author of the best selling book, The Hormone Fix.

Dr. Anna helps women heal the 9 most dreadful symptoms of menopause with natural, safe solutions. Follow her for content on hormonal imbalances, vaginal dryness, menopause (and more) that are medically backed, and created to empower women — not just treat them.