I don’t want to have sex anymore. Why?
I’ve heard women tell me, “I love my partner, but I just don’t feel like having sex. What’s wrong with me?” Women of all ages, in their 30s, 40s, and 50s+, who feel they’ve lost their “sexual spark” desperately want it back. Many suffer in silence, not knowing that there are solutions out there.
Sexual dysfunction can manifest in several ways. Basically, there are four distinct areas of sexual functioning that can go awry: A lack of interest in sex, having interest but being unable to achieve arousal, lacking adequate vaginal lubrication, and being unable to achieve orgasm. All of these problems can seriously disrupt your sex life, which can in turn disrupt your entire relationship.
After listening to countless stories, I’ve learned that:
- Vulvar-vaginal thinning and irritation
- Painful sex due to excessive vaginal dryness
- Increased vaginal and bladder infections, odors, itching and irritations
- Leaking urine, pressure and/or trouble peeing
- Increased skin disorders affecting the urogenital tract
- Decreased desire, arousal, and/or difficulty in having an orgasm
- Pelvic prolapse symptoms such as pressure and trouble eliminating
- General pain and discomfort from various activities
The good news is, you don’t have to settle for a sexless marriage. In fact, I would like it to be true that post-menopause we can even have more fulfilling intimacy and a satisfying sex life than ever before!
What can I do about it?
As with most other changes we experience, it starts with our hormones (our main sex hormones are androgens (DHEA and testosterone), estrogen, and progesterone). These hormones play important roles in our libido and sexual health.
During the menopausal transition, falling levels of estrogen can reduce desire in women (among other things); as estrogen promotes the health of our reproductive organs and keeps the vagina moisturized and elastic. But progesterone, testosterone, and DHEA also help to keep things running smoothly. Imbalances of our hormones (from whatever causes: hormone decline, stress, toxins, medications) can absolutely cause sexual dysfunction — not only physically but psychologically too. So that means your emotions and the ability to enjoy your relationships are affected as well.
This hormonal decline also means a drop in blood supply to the vagina, which can affect vaginal lubrication, and make it dry and uncomfortable during sex. As you can see, this is not just an estrogen problem ladies! Our symptoms are due to the decline of all our sex hormones.
Having satisfying sex is an important part of life no matter how old you are or how chaotic your life is.
Address L-I-B-I-D-O, and you’ll have satisfying, amazing sex, no matter what your age. These “secrets” to great sex will get the spark sizzling again, trust me.
Which is why I created:
The DHEA not only treats vaginal dryness and irritation by promoting your body’s natural ability to produce moisture, but also boosts your mood and sex drive (nice added bonus!).
Apart from DHEA, it includes:
All of the above help to improve moisture naturally, which is the only way to make sure the delicate tissue of the vulva isn’t absorbing anything that can contribute to your vaginal dryness or other symptoms your body might be dealing with.
Apply 0.5 mls daily to the vulva, clitoris and surrounding skin. It can also be used as needed prior to intercourse (about 20 minutes before — you have to allow it to sink in and start working its magic), and you’ll notice things are much like they used to be!
You get dry down there, and often it’s difficult or painful to have intercourse. But once you take action to resolve dryness, you’ll feel sexually reborn and your libido will return.
I formulated a topical anti-aging vulvar cream called Julva® that helps resolve vaginal dryness. It contains the hormone DHEA and other quality natural ingredients shown to be beneficial to the skin and its underlying tissues. This combination works better than anything else I have ever tried or prescribed for vaginal dryness.
This means spending affectionate time together with your lover, from date nights to home together doing nothing special except kissing, hugging, holding hands, sipping a glass of wine, or cuddling on the couch – without the expectation of sex.
Intimacy deepens with loving, kind, respectful communication.
Here’s where sex mostly happens, so make sure your bedroom environment invites sexiness. Clear the clutter. Change the bedding, add some candles, turn off the TV. The important piece is that you create an atmosphere for lovemaking.
Also: Every now and then, get a room! I mean a nice spacious hotel room where you put the emphasis on sex, reconnect with each other, and rediscover yourselves as a couple. A romantic getaway can be the Inn down the street!
Libido isn’t just physical; it’s mental too. If you feel self-conscious about your body, you’ll listen to a negative internal conversation (“self-talk”) about how unattractive you think you are. That’s what your body and attitude will reflect, and your libido goes MIA. Instead, tell yourself that you’re hot, sexy, and attractive.
To help, get some red lingerie (men are turned on by red) that looks amazing on you and that you feel fabulous in. If you need to feel better about yourself, get into a regular exercise program (being active boosts libido too), or find the right diet (which is my next secret!)
Eat foods that help balance your hormones, especially the sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone. My Keto-Green® Diet does exactly this. It offers a unique combination of keto and alkaline foods that optimize hormones and act as aphrodisiacs to provide you with the best nutrients to help with mood, energy levels, hormone balance, and blood circulation (important for orgasms).
Among these Keto-Green foods are oysters, asparagus, avocados, pumpkin seeds, almonds, walnuts, and many more. Plus, my Keto-Green Diet is rich in healthy omega-3 fats, known to create more spark between the sheets because they are building blocks of prostaglandins, hormone-like substances that play a huge role in sexual health. For more on aphrodisiac foods, read this post on nourishing your libido.
And don’t forget to supplement with Nature’s Viagra - Mighty Maca Plus. There is plenty of research on maca, supporting both its libido-enhancing effects as well as its ability to improve infertility. Incorporate maca into your daily routine, and watch your sexual desire skyrocket. Make this herb and diet part of your daily lifestyle, and you’ll have a sex drive raring to go. You can order Mighty Maca Plus from my website.
Here’s my favorite hormone - the powerful hormone of love, bonding, and connection. You need lots of it! I know from personal experience. We all require more oxytocin in our love life to establish intimacy and attachment, create sexual arousal, reduce stress (which interferes with intimacy for sure), and make us the social, caring individuals that we are.
How can you boost oxytocin in your body? There are many ways, from cuddling with your partner to having a pet. But the number-one way to produce more of this awesome hormone is to have orgasms —so have plenty of them.
If you want to brush up on this love hormone, get my FREE downloadable Cheat Sheet “10 Ways to Increase Oxytocin” from my website, or make sure you have my bestselling books The Hormone Fix, in which I dedicate an entire chapter to oxytocin.
Sexual pleasure is your right. It’s reasonable and fair for you to expect great sex now, and all throughout your life!