138: Dr. Anna on Sex Ed. Empowering Female Sexuality w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca

Dr. Anna:

Sexual health, hormones, menopause, sex ed. How was your sex ed? What do you wish it was like? Hi, everyone. It's Dr. Anna Cabeca. I'm the Girlfriend Doctor and it is my mission and passion to help women live better lives before, during, and after menopause, so welcome to the Girlfriend Doctor Podcast. It is an intimate place for intimate conversation.

 

Dr. Anna:

Today, I have with me my oldest daughter, Brittany, and she brought up to me how sexual health is such a taboo subject for so many people in her life, as well as the clients she's helped me with, and amidst her 20 and 30-year-old friends. So, we decided to have a fireside chat, and we invite you into the conversation with us. No shame, no guilt, no apologies. We pull back the curtain on all things related to sexual health, libido, you name it we are talking about it today and the conversation continues. So, let's get to it.

 

Dr. Anna:

We are live and we are here for you, for our fireside chat and as we go live, I am here with my oldest daughter, Brittany, and we're going to talk about how we redefine female sexual energy, see female sexual health and how important this is to our lives. So, join us here in our fireside chat and I am glad for you, we are live on Facebook. We'll be live in a second on Instagram and @drannac, join me at my main Facebook page at Dr. Anna C. I'm also live in a couple of my private groups. So, I want to welcome everyone in my Keto-Green community and my Magic Menopause group and in my private group called Sexual CPR. So, I want to thank you guys for joining us today.

 

Dr. Anna:

We have been talking about sexual health and answering questions for women as we proceed through a journey of sex education for those of us that are 20 and beyond. And why 20 year olds? Because we often hear from our clients how much they wish they had this information when they were younger, when they were young adults, when they were in their first relationship. I'm Dr. Anna Cabeca, I am the Girlfriend Doctor, and I have four daughters. I have four daughters, ages 12 to age 31. I am here with my daughter, Brittany, and it's actually Brittany's brain-child idea to have this sexual health discussion, and here I am. So, you guys, you know there's no such thing as too much information. You can ask me anything and I am here to help.

 

Dr. Anna:

So, join our fireside chat today as we authentically, guiltlessly, shamelessly, discuss all things related to our female sexuality, our female sexual health and answering those questions, and even just share with me, what do you wish you knew 20 years ago? What do you need to know now? What questions do you have? We're going to talk about things such as anatomy, such as even post-pregnancy, how to take care of ourselves and redefining what it means to be a sexually empowered woman in all its holistic nature, in all its beauty and all our giftings.

 

Dr. Anna:

So, join, I'm glad. Don't be shy to ask questions. You are welcome to do this. Let me introduce you to Brittany, my oldest daughter. Many of you in my community know her as Brittany Vida Pura. She is Brittany Vida Pura. So Brittany, tell us about what inspired you to make me do this?

 

Brittany:

Well, thank you, Dr. Anna, aka mom, for having me on here. I was really inspired to do this after working with you and with exploring the depths of women's health and sexual health over the last couple years that I've been with the business and being a social manager for your Magic Menopause Program and I've met so many wonderful women all over the world, seeing these transformations in their life, and so many women said to me, "I wish I had this knowledge when I was your age."

 

Brittany:

They could avoid so much pain and suffering through that, and with all the information I was learning, I was thinking, "Note to self, you need to apply this to yourself. Share the knowledge to your sisters and to your friends." And then I thought, "Why does it stop there?" Because especially as I've been reuniting, I reunited with some high school acquaintances the other day, or the other day, it was the other month, and I realized what a lack of sexual education and just female anatomy, in general, girls my age, women my age, coming to me and telling me some of the issues that they've been having and some of them not even fully aware of their female anatomy.

 

Brittany:

And I want to share this information and I'm so glad that you came here, being the expertise that you are, to really teach women, especially at the young age of 20 and through their 30s, especially in their 30s, because this is where we ... I mean, any age, but this is where we really need to start taking our health seriously, and so we can live an optimal, healthy life, not just physically, but mentally and hormonally and sexually as well. So, we did get some questions.

 

Dr. Anna:

So, Brittany was inspired, let me just share with you, Brittany was inspired to ask her peers, "What

questions do you have about sexual health?" And boldly and bravely, I'm so proud of you by the way.

 

Brittany:

Thank you.

 

Dr. Anna:

So proud of you, and just boldly and bravely asking, "Okay, well, what are your questions? What are your concerns? What do you need to know? What are some taboo areas that you wish someone other than the media or late night ..."

 

Brittany:

Pornography.

 

Dr. Anna:

Pornography, thank you very much, was sharing with you. Let me just check my audio here real quick, and I'll be right with you guys.

 

Brittany:

Yes. And I will touch base on one of the big things that is really, not just hearing from the Magic Menopause women, but taking it back very beginning of our sex education in our middle school, that carries on into our high school. Majority of us, I think we all agree that we received little to no real education in that department. I mean, most of the time it's co-ed, therefore it gets complicated to ask questions.

 

Dr. Anna:

Like middle school girls don't like to talk about sexual health, periods, et cetera, with middle school boys.

 

Brittany:

Yeah, no.

 

Dr. Anna:

And I just want to make sure you guys can hear me better now. I just fixed the audio. Just give me a thumbs up, hello, cheers, anything to let me know that you can hear me now. I see some of my great friends out here, Lorraine, Cheryl, Donna, joining us in our community. So, guys, thank you and be sure to tag and share, create a watch party. I mean, who doesn't want to have fireside chat with us right now and talking about all things, really what it means to be a sexually empowered woman, shamelessly, guiltlessly and in all holistic ways. And Joshua said, "Brittany is awesome." Well, great to have men listening too. Great to have men listening too. Mary says, "I've been thinking lately that women's health and fertility, pregnancy, sexual organ health, hormonally, et cetera, should be your next deep dive book." Thank you, Mary. I have many books on the way to come.

 

Dr. Anna:

So, Mary, thank you. And guys, don't be afraid to ask your questions, but we are definitely doing a deep dive today and having this conversation, not just for us, but for ... I mean, I've loved having this conversation with you, Brittany, I loved having this conversation earlier today, your younger sisters were involved and they were bringing up points of interest and question and controversy.

 

Brittany:

Yes.

 

Dr. Anna:

So, that's my 12 year old daughter. So, Brittany's youngest sister, my youngest daughter was not having any part of it. "Nope, I'm good. I am good." She was telling me. So, anyway, I'm really proud of my daughters for being bold and brave and beautifully sharing this information. So, questions that we've gotten in ... And well, Brittany also was telling me, she said, "I was having this mini reunion with my friends and they were ... A couple have had children and still didn't understand their anatomy or our physiologic changes." And it's really critical, as an obstetrician, as a gynecologist, what is healthy, what's not healthy? What is normal? What's not normal? Where is our anatomy normal? [inaudible 00:09:23].

 

Brittany:

And that's a huge part of it, of what we define as normal, especially when, as the youth, we're getting our information from unjust sources. Like say, if a child is learning-

 

Dr. Anna:

Well, let's start this again. Your experience was, how did you learn? Now, here I was, I became your mom at seven, you came to live with us at 15. And there was like, "Hey, do you want to have this conversation?" You're like, "Hell no, I'm not having this conversation."

 

Brittany:

And I'm blessed to have two mothers, two loving mothers. One is both very open and one is an OB GYN, but I was still so insecure and scared about the way I felt, like I wasn't normal. That even when I started my first menstrual cycle, I locked myself in the bathroom to read instructions on how to use a tampon, because I thought I could not bring myself to just even ask either of my moms. I had choices and I couldn't even do that. And then, my first of learning about sex was late night cable porn, and that is not-

 

Dr. Anna:

What?

 

Brittany:

Yeah.

 

Dr. Anna:

Are you kidding me?

 

Brittany:

No, no.

 

Dr. Anna:

Am I first learning about this right now? What?

 

Brittany:

I know I'm not alone in that. I know I'm not alone, but it's not real, so it's-

 

Dr. Anna:

Thank you. I would say, and this is something that I say, and I teach this in my program, Sexual CPR, this is ... Porn is to reality as an Arnold Schwarzenegger film is to reality, right? We know there's no comparison. There's no comparison in reality and that is really important to understand. But yet, those messages that our youth are getting are also creating insecurities, unrealistic comparisons, and a lot of, I mean, sexual trauma. And as well as, and for women, trauma in our understanding of what is real, what can be expected, and we had this actual fun conversation earlier. What would an orgasm actually feel like for you, if you never saw someone virtually fake an orgasm or heard about faking an orgasm? What if you'd never have that in your mind? Like Harry met Sally, you guys know what I'm talking about, right?

 

Dr. Anna:

Mary, I know you saw the movie, Josh, I know you saw the movie, but like that Harry met Sally faked orgasm, what is that like when ... What would that be like? And of course, we're not faking orgasms, that's rule number one, no more faking orgasms, thank you. Because to really embrace, what is that truthfully for you? What is pleasure truthfully for you? And where you don't have other unrealistic expectations or standards that you're supposed to live up to, then what does a true intimacy and a true, loving, intimate experience, what does that feel like?

 

Dr. Anna:

So, that we can even move away from the perceptions and preconceptions of what intimacy is supposed to be, what sex is supposed to be. And we've received some amazing questions. Let's run through those questions, Brittany.

 

Brittany:

Absolutely. So-

 

Dr. Anna:

I want to welcome George also, great men and women, this is a safe space to have conversations and definitely share your questions, share your early, maybe lessons learned, like what's real, what's not real? Definitely, put these in the comments and share your questions, your point of views. Brittany has been doing a great job about bringing this up and bringing this information and bringing this opportunity to ask questions, shamelessly, guiltlessly and without judgment. So, share away, I thank you guys for being here today. Nita says, "Hello, Dr. Anna, Brittany is so competent. Excellent." Cheryl said, "You are awesome, Brittany." Thank you.

 

Brittany:

Thank you. So, some of the questions we received, I'll try to group them together based on topics. So, in regards to orgasm, "What's the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a pelvic floor orgasm, and how can you achieve multiple?" [inaudible 00:13:40]. That's just in one. This is a good question. "Why do I feel the need to lay with a man only to feel used afterwards with no pleasure?" And I feel like that takes it to a personal level of, why do we ... Because I'm all for being a sexually empowered woman, we are human, we have sexual needs, but we also, I feel like, need to first and foremost understand our needs and our wants. And I know, especially in your CPR, Sexual CPR program, within the first chapter of it, essentially, it's discovering what it is you want.

 

Brittany:

We also have questions regarding to having ... This woman's having constant yeast infections, boric acid suppositories help, but she still doesn't know what to do to prevent them. And people would like a better understanding of all the changes that happen after giving birth and to ending breastfeeding. Also, "Is there such thing as too much masturbation?" That seems to be a common question. "Is it possible to damage nerves from so much masturbation?" Which Dr. Anna refers to as self-pleasuring, so we will call it that from now on.

 

Dr. Anna:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). We don't like the word masturbation.

 

Brittany:

And because these women are saying just years later, it doesn't feel the same. So, they're wondering if maybe they've damaged themselves. And the term, "If you don't use it, you lose it. Is it true? I'm worried about not being able to self-lubricate when I'm older, also will certain foods or activities help me along the line? Thank you." And we have one woman who has been trying to get pregnant for over a year now, she was never on birth control, has also gone to her doctor and she has said everything was fine, is there anything she can do differently?

 

Dr. Anna:

Well, these are powerful questions, right? And this is in the concept of sexual health and education, where do we begin? Cheryl wrote here, "I learned mostly from friends, but also the books, Girls and Sex and Boys and Sex." So, great resources too. Let's talk about those. So, where should we start? Which question do you want to start with? Because there are many issues and we also received a question in about fibroids, uterine fibroids and pain with sex and how that can really affect us. I think, one of the most important conversations really stems from that question, "Why do I feel a need to lay with someone and feel ..." Read her question again, because that is so powerful, and she's not alone. And I think one of the things is like the #MeToo, movement really brought to attention, the abuse or victimization, and/or many small traumas that from a young age, that women are exposed to being objectified in their life, in their womanhood and how that can affect each other and then-

 

Brittany:

Yeah. And that starts early, being objectified. I mean, my sisters and I were talking about that this morning, we remember getting catcalls starting in middle school. And so, these are 12, 13 year old children that grown men are whistling at, that they're looking at as a sexual object. And so, this woman, her question was, "Why do I feel the need to lay with a man only to feel used afterwards with no pleasure?" I think that comes from just wanting that connection with someone, that attention, that what you think is going to be reciprocal, but in the end, it's diving deep too soon. I don't know, what are your thoughts?

 

Dr. Anna:

I think it's that same part about instant gratification versus delayed gratification, and also knowing what you want. And I think, this is really an important question and my heart goes out to women and especially any of us that have had early sexual abuse, because there is a boundary that is removed. And many young women who have experienced early sexual abuse often have that inability to draw that line, and it's not because we don't want to, it seems like there is an invisible boundary that has been taking from us, that no boundary has been crossed. And so, the hormone that is from sexual intimacy, from being acknowledged as a woman, that validation of our femininity, of our sexuality and having that ability to say either, "Yes." Or, "No." Is often those lines are blurred. Those lines are blurred.

 

Dr. Anna:

And then, oxytocin, the hormone of orgasm, for instance, is also a powerful jog, and that instant gratification is there, but who hasn't been intimate, whether it's been sexual intimacy or not, but who hasn't, and then have looked back and said, "What the hell was I thinking moment?" Right? "What the hell was I thinking, why did I allow myself? And this wasn't a relationship that I would have pursued anyway, regardless." And can have regrets over that situation. So, again, I talk about shamelessly, guiltlessly, and honestly, to let go of any old preconceptions or misconceptions, but to really know what you want, what your goals are, what you stand for as a woman and what you will accept and what you want to accept. And this is really powerful, no matter how old you are, in my 50s being a single mom, not currently dating, but knowing what I will accept, what I won't accept and where that line of intimacy is crossed, because that oxytocin hormone, that hormone of love, bonding and connection, as well as dopamine, the novelty seeking hormone, that thrill seeking hormone, those are really powerful drugs.

 

Dr. Anna:

And so, we have to be really clear what our boundaries are, what we will accept, what we won't accept, our non-negotiables in forming a relationship. And I tell my girls all the time, there's 10 steps till you get to physical intimacy. You really have to know the other ... And you really want to, you really want to, you want to have no regrets. So, you really want to know ... Not to mention, we're going to talk about swapping microbiome and [crosstalk 00:20:04].

 

Brittany:

It's her favorite line. Fastest way to turn you off.

 

 

Dr. Anna:

... RNA and DNA and all that [inaudible 00:20:08] talk about swapping microbiome, that is a whole nother discussion for. My girls have heard this over and over, I'm like, "Do you really want to swap microbiome with that person?" But beyond that, it is truly about knowing someone, so that we have the time, it's like planting a garden, right? You take the time to nourish the seed, the soil, and it takes time to really develop a healthy relationship. And if you rush too quickly, you've missed steps. And it's hard to backtrack, and often it's like, "Oh man, I wish I didn't." And we don't to have regrets. So, being patient and taking time is important, but also knowing what took away that invisible boundary. Why did you, me, she, have to feel like I had to satisfy this person sexually, or I had to be satisfied sexually, and now I regret it and now I feel used. And what creates that sensation?

 

Dr. Anna:

And I think comes down to what we talked about earlier as we have a 12 year old in the house, right? How do we create a healthy, confident, self-confident woman who knows exactly what she wants, what she will allow and what she won't allow, and who she allows to enter into her inner circle. And it really takes ... I want a prince for you, right? A good, kingley, confident person that-

 

Brittany:

Me too.

 

Dr. Anna:

Yeah. That cherishes you and loves you and you can't do it in one night, as hot and sexy as that person might be, it doesn't happen overnight. Very rarely, with exception, let's not look at those points .001% of exceptions that we hear about.

 

Brittany:

Yes. There's always the exceptions.

 

Dr. Anna:

Right.

 

Brittany:

Yeah. And I think that with a girl to a woman really understanding what it is she wants and what she will and will not accept, I think that also comes with finding yourself, especially when it comes to ... I feel like in one sense, your physical self can be much harder to get to love and understand then your emotional self, your mental and emotional self. I mean, I remember being so insecure when I was younger, always thinking I was never skinny enough or never pretty enough, or thinking that my-

 

Dr. Anna:

Hey, can anyone relate to that right now? I mean, right?

 

Brittany:

And I look at pictures of the times that I would beat myself up and I look, and I was like, I was a cute kid, a cute girl. What is this? So, I really want girls and women, no matter what age, but just to really love and to understand that they are uniquely, beautifully perfect, just as they are.

 

Dr. Anna:

We don't need outside reinforcement of that.

 

Brittany:

Yes.

 

Dr. Anna:

We do not need outside confirmation of this. We have to take it internally. This book by Mary Shores, I love this.

 

Dr. Anna:

... it internally. This book by Mary Shores, I love this book. Conscious Communications, y'all, please get this book. But she talks about a movie she saw based on Louise Hay's film, You Can Heal Your Life, and how in the first scene a woman in the car is berating and bullying herself in unspoken but pervasively critical ways. She says things like, "I'm so stupid. I hate this. I'm such an idiot. I always do this. Why did I do this? I'm going to be late. I look like the walking dead. Why am I acquiescing to everyone?"

 

Dr. Anna:

That's that sense of, "I'm no longer acting in my truth." The same with sexuality, "Because I had sex with this person I'm a slut, or I allowed myself to be used by this person. How am I so stupid? Or what was I thinking?" And then we don't talk about... I always say, a good Southern woman doesn't talk about her exes because we don't want people to know how stupid we were. But the truth is knowing that really, and that comes to being kind to ourselves. Knowing what we want, what we will accept and we won't. Again, the non-negotiables. Being patient. We have an infinity of time.

 

Brittany:

I mean, even just the way you talk to yourself is really you setting the boundaries of how you're letting other people talk to you. If you're constantly inflicting negative talk in whatever form that may be, you're going to let other people do the same thing because you hear it all the time from yourself.

 

Dr. Anna:

If you don't value yourself, how do you expect someone to value you?

 

Brittany:

Exactly.

 

Dr. Anna:

How do we now gain this value and understand that?

 

Brittany:

Well, I think, with this discussion being based on sexual education, I think one of the biggest topics is female anatomy too. Just understanding, especially when it comes to girls that are wrongly educated of sex through pornography, that is usually not real sex and made strictly for men, that all the women look a certain way. Even their female anatomy all look a certain way.

 

Dr. Anna:

We even discussed, even women who have had children, even women in our 50s, 60s and beyond, aren't really familiar with our anatomy or haven't begun to love their own anatomy. I always say, clitoris to anus, that is prime real estate. That is the most important part of our body-

 

Brittany:

Most prime real estate.

 

Dr. Anna:

Listen to me, I'm a Gynecologist. Keeping it healthy is really, really important. Keeping it healthy. I had my daughter bring up this beautiful orchid plant that I received as a gift, and just like every flower, every face is different, why wouldn't every vulva be different? What in our society makes us think that we have to have a Barbie doll vulva. Honestly, that's an abusive way to victimize and objectify women. Let's be honest here.

 

Brittany:

Absolutely.

 

Dr. Anna:

But every flower of the orchid is unique and beautiful and different, it's the same with us. The same with our face, our hair, our pelvic area, our vulvar area. Many women, and I've had clients coming in in their late teens and 20s saying, "I look differently than what I think is normal, or my breasts are different, or my vulva is different, my anatomy's different." Questioning, "Well, am I normal? Is there something wrong with me?" Just like every flower on this orchid plant is beautiful and unique, so is our anatomy. That is critical. [Geri 00:26:51] sent out, "I'm prone to UTI's after sex. Any suggestions besides using restroom right after?" I have a perfect answer for that. Another client said-

 

Brittany:

For all young women out there, unfortunately I'm not one of them, different steps leading up to sex might be something to discuss deeper. Those things to seek in relationship before being physical...

 

Dr. Anna:

Kimberly, I love that because I will say, 10 steps. 10 is being physically intimate. What are the steps one through nine? We can definitely address that too. And then Jerry said, oh no, we talked about that, prone. Another user said, "Agree. Female anatomy needs to be at the forefront of women's education." Someone else said, "Loved the conversation, ladies, thank you." I want to share that. Female anatomy, and I think the orchid is a pure example of female anatomy. The normal anatomy being the clitoris, even the concept of three holes. The urethra, the vagina and the anus. They can be different for each person. The urethra can be more internal into the vagina or more external, and that also can affect urinary infections after sex, the more internal the urethra is. Also, as we get older too, naturally the muscles around the urethra relax. Keeping those tissues and that muscle healthy is really important.

 

Dr. Anna:

Then what the vulva looks like, normal and unique for each individual. As well, having healthy anal tissue. Not with fissures or hemorrhoids and how we can do so much to prevent that. But what normal anatomy looks like, and I love the orchid because from the vulva, those labia minora, labia majora, the inner lips, the outer lips, just like the leaves on a orchid, each one is different and beautiful. When we think of anatomy, just normal anatomy, maybe another time we'll do a full-

 

Brittany:

Anatomy lesson.

 

Dr. Anna:

... anatomy lesson later. Geri is agreeing, the emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. Let me make sure I got questions.

 

Brittany:

I mean, I remember in my sex education class, the most they gave us on female anatomy was an outline of the side of a woman, just a black line outline. It had where the vagina is, and they took a tampon and did that. They were like, that's how you insert a tampon. That's all I got.

 

Dr. Anna:

That's why you were terrified of-

 

Brittany:

I was like, "Hell, no, I'm not stabbing myself like that." But I never heard the word vulva until I was in my 20s. I never had the whole lesson of labia majora, labia minora, urethra, vagina, anus. I never had that until I was out of high school. I think one, it's very important to know, it's part of you. We need to, just as you always say, our vaginal health is vital to our overall health as well. It's vital for us, not only just for health wise, but optimum pleasure as well. It was really disheartening when I reunite with people and they're living life, they've already had children, but yet they don't know that and they're not reaching their maximum, optimal health or pleasure central.

 

Dr. Anna:

Let's be honest, how many people have been married for decades and have been faking orgasms for a long time? Or have not experienced true pleasure? This even relates to my clinical experience I had, one of my clients who was 37 years old, she'd been married for 12 years, had two children with her husband, and confessed to me that she'd never had a pelvic orgasm. This was one of the questions that we got, clitoral versus pelvic or uterine orgasm, what's the difference? With working with even just redefining, what is pleasurable to you? First of all, don't think about what you've seen on TV, what you imagine in the fictitious world of whatever you've seen, what is honestly true to you? What is discerned? What is real to me right now? What feels good? What doesn't feel good?

 

Dr. Anna:

It is so unique, just like our fingerprints unique, like the orchid flowers are unique. It is unique to each of us. Some women love breast stimulation, other women, it's a huge turnoff. This is so true. With that, in working with her and saying, "Well, this is G spot, this is what can help with stimulation." Being able to stimulate both the clitoris and the G spot during orgasm and just being really, call it sensate focused, just being really in touch with the sensation that you're feeling and all of this comes down to communication. Being able to express what you like and what you don't like.

 

Dr. Anna:

I remember a 3:00 AM emergent text message, Dr. Anna, help. I was like, "What's going on?" Lisa said, "Dr. Anna, we just had sex, I'm having these pelvic cramps. I don't know what's wrong. What happened?" I'm like, "That's a pelvic orgasm. Congratulations, I'm going back to sleep now." But in her late 30s, to experience that for the first time. But powerful when you let go of those preconceptions and you understand what is true to you. This is where marriages can get disconnected. It's so important because I run across this, even in doing this talk about sex ed for 20s and beyond, "Oh, wait a second. In the Christian communities we can't communicate about sex." I'm like, "Wait, where in the Bible does it says that? Because the Song of Solomon is pretty darn awesome." Intimacy and pleasure is important for a couple, for the longevity of a marriage, for the intimacy to reignite and reunite a couple for that longevity.

 

Dr. Anna:

That is powerful. That is a powerful point and it needs to be. No matter how disconnected you've been, that re-ignition and reuniting experience can just transform your life. I've had clients, of course, tell me, "We were roommates and now we're boyfriend and girlfriend again, and we've been married 20 something years." I love hearing that stuff because it also comes into about woman's power. Reigniting that empowerment, what it means to be a sexually empowered woman. It's not the slut shaming, and this is where we have to really distinguish what do we want versus what do we think someone wants of us? That's a differentiating factor.

 

Brittany:

Absolutely. For someone that does not know, or maybe has not heard of a G spot, how would you define that?

 

Dr. Anna:

The G spot is really an anatomical area that's on the... You translate for me. On the anterior wall of the vagina, and I always tell clients if you're laying down-

 

Brittany:

[inaudible 00:34:08].

 

Dr. Anna:

For example, put two fingers into the vagina-

 

Brittany:

This front.

 

Dr. Anna:

Right, the anterior wall, and you put two fingers into the vagina, it's always, go in the front door, opening of the vagina, go up to the second floor, and the back of the front window. That is a where you will feel the G spot, that sensation. That's why in positioning yourself for maximum sensation, whether it's self or with your lover, how you can enhance that experience. Then again, focusing on what feels good, what doesn't feel good, but allowing yourself to experience it. It takes time too, for the G spot to have an increase in blood flow, to get engorged and you actually feel it thickening. Essentially, like the prostate in a man, but the G spot in a woman. It gets a thickening, gets increased sensation, and you can feel that.

 

Brittany:

Through the front door, to the second floor, to the back window.

 

Dr. Anna:

To the back of the front window.

 

Brittany:

Back of the front window. All right.

 

Dr. Anna:

In, up and forward.

 

Brittany:

There's your cliff notes for it. For your homework.

 

Dr. Anna:

There you go. G spot. [Ms. Hill 00:35:19] says, hi. Hi, Ms. Hill, we're here to answer questions on sex ed, 20 and beyond, and really understanding what it is. Geri said again, emotional intimacy before physical, absolutely. There's 10 steps I always say to my daughters. A Facebook user said, "Current sex ed has not improved. It is the same. My daughter took it recently." Geri said, "We as women are harder on ourselves than men are on us."

 

Brittany:

Absolutely.

 

Dr. Anna:

You're right. That's negative self-talk like I was talking about in Mary Shore's book, Conscious Communications. The self-talk, the shame, the guilt, the remorse. This is where I always am so clear to say shamelessly and guiltlessly, let's talk about what's real to us because that's what makes the difference in this world. If we know what we will and won't accept for us, and also, to hold ourselves to the highest standards, we are worth it. If we know our own value, we are worth it. Again, Brittany has a 12 year old sister, hence my 12 year old youngest daughter, is thinking about building her confidence so that she's not influenced, taken advantage of and used.

 

Dr. Anna:

But look, it's not just limited to young girls. It is us in our 50s, and this is a beautiful conversation. I'm going off on a tangent because we have a bunch of questions to get through, but I had a client talk to me recently. She goes, "I'm in my 50s, I'm dating, and one thing that I recognized was that the longer I waited to be intimate, even though I'm turned on by this guy, I'm dating this guy, I really like him, he's successful, this and the other, the longer I waited, hence the one to 10 steps, the sooner I realized like, I'm not getting involved with this person. I don't want to share my myself with this person because they're just not up to it. They're not up to my standards. I'm not getting what I need from this person."

 

Dr. Anna:

The longer we delay in that intimacy, because of the very powerful hormones, oxytocin and dopamine, that can affect our clarity and thought, can affect us. The sooner that we get involved intimately, that oxytocin will make us feel bonded to someone that may not be our right partner. How powerful this intimacy is. I think that just again, comes towards understanding yourself, your non-negotiables, and not hesitating, taking your time. We're in this for the long run. There's no race against time. Whether we're into our 50s, I'm 53, as a single mom with a 12 year old. Whether we're in our 60s, whether we're in our 70s. I have a woman who's 72 and both her and her new husband have been widowed for over a decade. Met at a high school reunion, reconnected in their 70s, and are having the best, most loving relationships of their lives.

 

Dr. Anna:

Just to hear that, there's no race against time, so don't sell ourselves short. I say that to other single women, single moms, there's no race against time. Don't sell yourself short. Know your standards, know your non-negotiables, and have your voice. Speak up for yourself. Again, knowing your body. This is where we're coming to today in sex ed 20 and beyond, is knowing your body too.

 

Brittany:

It goes for men too. Everything we're saying also goes for men too. But it goes back to that validation, don't continue to seek validation elsewhere, find it within yourself first and foremost. And then when you do find someone that you're willing to swap the microbiome with, it's going to be that much better. Let's see some of our questions we have here. Now let's get into more of say the yeast infection and UTIs. These are very common.

 

Dr. Anna:

A client of mine who was divorced for 20 years, and again, she raised her children divorced for over 20 years, fell in love and called me one day. She says, "Dr. Anna, I'm on my third urinary tract infection. It's worse, always get it after sex and struggling. I'm on my third round of antibiotics and my doctor wants to put me on continuous antibiotics. I don't feel that's right. What do you suggest?" I'm like, "Whoa. First of all, we call that honeymoonitis, I'm glad you found someone you love and that's really cool. But we do call that honeymoonitis, and it's often, especially as we get older, but certainly at any age, the bacteria getting into the urethra often causing a urinary infection."

 

Dr. Anna:

I said, "We have to do these few things, Nina, this is what we have to do." She's 57 years old. "First of all, urinate after sex, number one. Number two, increase your vitamin C to 2000 to 4,000 international units per day. Number two. Vitamin C can help create an environment inhospitable to bacteria, let alone viruses if we haven't heard that already, that's really important. At least 2000 to 4,000 international units a day of vitamin C. And then a probiotic daily to improve your natural bacterium." Because she was older, too, what we do also, Julva. Anti-aging cream for the vulva to nourish that tissue topically, applying Julva. Julva, my combination of ingredients that put together, you apply it clitoris to anus, and keep that tissue really healthy. She hasn't had a single urinary tract infection. Since intimacy continued to improve on emotional and relational levels as well, and they are engaged, moved in together and have a wedding date set.

 

Dr. Anna:

Which I love that because oftentimes too, in this time period, perimenopause, menopause men find Viagra and testosterone and women are like, "I have vaginal dryness, I'm suffering, I'm struggling." We hear this in my patient population ad nauseum. Honestly, there's just so much of this issue. Until we address the female sexual health issues, we're not going to have that continued intimacy. Because no one wants to hurt each other, no one wants to disappoint each other, and then women are just powering through. How long can you fake it? You're having pain every time you do something, you're not going to want to do something.

 

Brittany:

Why would you want to do that?

 

Dr. Anna:

Exactly. That's an important consideration. That's why there's over a thousand testimonials on Julva on my website. You guys check that out too, because that's really an important... April was laughing, she's like, "Swap the microbiome." Can you imagine what my children have to go through with me as their mother? Do you really want to swap microbiome with that person? Oh my gosh. So funny.

 

Brittany:

What about coconut oil, Geri, asked?

 

Dr. Anna:

Coconut oil is in Julva, so there is some coconut oil in Julva. Coconut oil is a great lubricant. Again, that can be used as a lubricant, as a moisturizer. Whereas Julva is restorative. It is restorative. To help that turn back the hands of time, so to speak. That combination really has helped with urinary tract infections. The other thing I want to hit on is self-pleasuring. Read the question that you had about self-pleasure. Again, I don't like the word masturbation, I've written a blog on this where the origins of that word comes from. I often refer to self-pleasuring. We'll talk about this again, knowing what you like, knowing what you don't like, is as individual as your fingerprint. Also, discovering that whether you are in a new relationship or you've been married 30, 40 years, it doesn't matter. Understanding what you like and being able to communicate that is one of the most healing and re-igniting things you can do in any relationship.

 

Brittany:

We have a couple questions regarding self-pleasuring. One being, how many times is too many when it comes to pleasing yourself? Is there a healthy limit? The second being-

 

Dr. Anna:

Let's start this one. Is there some something called too much self-pleasuring? That's a really good question, which I have no experience on. I mean, that's another thing, how much is too much self-pleasuring? With any addictive behavior, are there negative consequences? Drinking too much or eating too much or that concept of masturbation or self-pleasuring too much, is it affecting other areas of your life? Intuitively, does this feel good? Does this not feel good? Is this affecting me in a healthy way or an unhealthy way? Those are the questions we have to ask ourselves.

 

Dr. Anna:

Also, this goes into another aspect of the next question is vibrator trauma. Are we self-pleasuring by doing... I teach this in sexual CPR, it's the fire breath orgasm that Barbara Carella had shared with me, her technique for fire breath orgasm. Being able to breathe energy and vibration and sexual energy into your body, which is very healing. Michelle Alva, another sexual health expert, is just understanding your body, loving your body and how that feels to awaken your sensations in a very gentle, loving way versus vibration trauma, which can give... We had a client say this shard glass or numb...

 

Brittany:

Nerve damage. She's wondering if it causes nerve damage?

 

Dr. Anna:

Definitely with strong vibrations can absolutely cause nerve damage. I recommend definitely taking, if this is at all, if any trouble with orgasm or a feeling of numbness, number one, is to stop using the vibrator. Also, the lightest, gentlest touch can stimulate. We talk about this in a practice called Orgasmic Meditation, it's a sexual practice, but it's not sex. It is the lightest touch on the clitoris, which is often the nerve endings are significantly damaged with vibrator trauma. As you reawaken these nerve endings, you can often get this, it's often described as a broken glass experience. This, essentially, almost pins and needles type of experience-

 

Dr. Anna:

... essentially almost pins and needles type of experience as the nerve endings start to open up. So the lightest, gentlest touch can help reawaken the nerves. So no matter how much they've been damaged and it can take weeks to ... it can take several weeks to reawaken these nerve endings and then the slightest touch can be very, very powerful and as you again, sensate focused reawaken and heal these nerve endings that are often ... these nerve endings are often damaged by vibrators, vibrator trauma.

 

Brittany:

So, it's essentially like when you detox your body and then you slowly start to implement things back in, everything affects you a little-

 

Dr. Anna:

In a higher way.

 

Brittany:

... at a higher way and it's easier to see what really works for you and what doesn't and would you say the same advice for someone that maybe they don't use a vibrator but they just use their hand but maybe they do-

 

Dr. Anna:

Explore different aspects like the lightest touch to the firmest touch. And then the vulvar lips versus the clitoris to explore other areas, other erogenous zones. Women are very fortunate in this way. We have erogenous zones all over our body. Men just have one area of focus, all right, ladies, can you agree with me here? I mean, seriously.

 

Brittany:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

Dr. Anna:

Cheryl said, "I haven't had ... I'm-

 

Brittany:

You want me to read it?

 

Dr. Anna:

... read. Thank you.

 

Brittany:

Cheryl said, "i haven't had, in years ... I think there is a missing word ... "but isn't it possible your partner can be transmitting a yeast infection-

 

Dr. Anna:

Yes.

 

Brittany:

... back to you if they didn't get treated?"

 

Dr. Anna:

Yeah, absolutely.

 

Brittany:

Hmm, I did not know that.

 

Dr. Anna:

Absolutely. Good question.

 

Brittany:

Yeah, very good.

 

Dr. Anna:

Yeah. [crosstalk 00:47:43] it can definitely ... and I always think, we never treat an individual in isolation, we always treat a couple and that's really important too, especially in regards to sexual health. So we always want to address a couple together and that makes a big difference. Many men getting testosterone therapy and Viagra, where does that leave the woman, right? Discontented and feeling inferior, so the women's sexual health has to be addressed as the same time as the man's sexual health. And so that's really important. As a sexual health expert I always ... my priority was to treat a couple together so that they're in sync with their sexual health with the changes of aging that can take some of that intimacy away and how important it is to stay connected in that way.

 

Dr. Anna:

So that's a great question, men and women need to be treated together. So as a consequence of recurrent vaginal yeast infections this one thing, number one, of course, get Keto-Green and number two, antifungals. Coconut oil is an antifungal but my Keto-Green program, especially coming out in my new book, Keto-Green 16 ... it's here somewhere amidst my books I wanted to show today.

 

Dr. Anna:

But Keto-Green 16 is a powerful program that is very low glycemic so you're not feeding yeast and that can help you overcome it as well as using antifungals, botanical antifungals, as well as prescription antifungals to help nip the yeast infection in the bud. But, ultimately, we have to break up with sugar. We have to eliminate sugar to completely get rid of yeast infection for the long haul.

 

Brittany:

Now would you say that the health of your gut, the microbiome of your gut is as one of the key components to your vaginal health?

 

Dr. Anna:

Absolutely, I always say vaginal health is an extension of gastrointestinal health. I mean, the mucosa within our intestinal lining ... And as a gynecologist I think it is honestly, the most honorable profession in the world and the most amazing people become gynecologists, for the most part and what can I say, the most heart-centered people but ultimately we can tell a lot from a woman's vagina, honestly. We can see, are they inflamed, do they have constant infections and that can be a reflection of what's going on intestinally.

 

Dr. Anna:

Is there a yeast infection? Is there SIBO, a small intestinal bowel overgrowth? What other factors are going on? Do we have a disruption in the health of our mucosa, whether it's from bacteria, fungus, parasites, yeast? And vaginal health is really a important aspect. So as a gynecologist I am pro-healthy vaginal health and of course, how it affects the rest of the body, but improving our gut health, our gastrointestinal health, why I'm so passionate about my Keto-Green way of doing things because it does reset, restore and reinoculate our physical and gastrointestinal health.

 

Brittany:

Getting to the-

 

Dr. Anna:

[crosstalk 00:50:45] bacterial health, et cetera.

 

Brittany:

Yeah. Getting to the root, not just masking it with pills or pharmaceuticals or ... absolutely. So we have a Facebook ... Facebook user posts, "No sex drive, help. What can I take besides Julva?"

 

Dr. Anna:

Now this is where sexual CPR comes in. Sexualcpr.com, there is my download for Free Arousal Secrets. Download sexualcpr.com, Arousal Secrets. You get that download and my full course is a four or five week course with relationship, technique but also anatomy, hormonal issues. Sex drive is one of the most complicated areas in medicine, right? And especially when it comes to women. Men, pretty easy, give them some Viagra, give them some testosterone and they are good to go for the most part. But I am making light of this, there's so much more to men's health, hence a whole male's chapter in here in Keto-Green 16.

 

Dr. Anna:

But women's health, it's much more complicated because our brain is our predominant sexual health organ and also our voice, right, being able to express what we like, what we don't like. So in my whole program, first there's Arousal Secrets but in sexualcpr.com my first class is called Help, Doctor, call 911, My Sex Drive has no Pulse. And I go through 11 key areas that I really want you to look at.

 

Dr. Anna:

What were your earliest sexual messages, right? Were you catcalled? Were you abused? Were you objectified and that didn't resonate truth for you? You slowly closed off your sexuality. I know that was true for me. My daughter asked me today, "Mom, you going to share your story about what happened to you?" And we were talking about, I had shared with them my first experience, my first sexual experience was date rape and that was my first sexual experience.

 

Dr. Anna:

I was nearly 21. I was in college and that was my first experience. And then that distorted, for a long time, my understanding of my own body, my own desires and also my own ability to say yes and my own ability to say no. And I think, I know I'm not alone in this and so I think that's really, really critical when it comes to what's going on with our sex drive to understand the hormonal changes, the early sexual messages, maybe our religious and spiritual beliefs around sex, as well as understanding what we will accept, what we won't accept.

 

Dr. Anna:

I have a friend of mine who I was talking to recently. One of the most beautiful, sexy women. She just had a baby and she said, "I used to think of sex as a sport and now I recognize how important my ... not only my yeses, but how important my no is and I'm not willing to compromise to share myself outside of a significant, intimate, loving, caring relationship and it took me a long time to get here but I'm so empowered now that I'm here." And I think it goes to that question we had earlier, why do I feel the need to ... how did that question read again?

 

Brittany:

"Why do I feel the need to lay with a man and only to feel used afterwards with no pleasure?"

 

Dr. Anna:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). Mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

Brittany:

So it's a lose-lose situation.

 

Dr. Anna:

Lose-lose, mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

Brittany:

And it goes back to that validation I feel like. I mean, I think naturally we're creatures that want that connection. We want that bond and I mean, with the power of oxytocin I feel like we're on a hunt for it sometimes.

 

Dr. Anna:

And that's the power of oxytocin too because I think women need to realize too oxytocins different for men than women but sexually for women, oxytocin is that bonding hormone. So for two weeks, now there's a reason we get a surge in testosterone at ovulation, hence we want to mate because that is our peak reproductive time.

 

Dr. Anna:

With orgasm pleasure we increase oxytocin that binds us to this person that may be totally unfit for us as a partner and we're all of a sudden making irrational decisions of how that person should fit into our lives and how our non-negotiables no longer are non-negotiable and we compromise ourselves and our values to make us fit because of that power of oxytocin. And this is where physiology really drives behavior and this is where I often run into some controversial discussion, which I'm open to, but this is physiology. This is biology and understanding how powerful oxytocin is, why there are one to 10 steps for physical intimacy and it should not be tread upon lightly. We need for our understanding, our edification, our own-

 

Brittany:

Sanity.

 

Dr. Anna:

... sanity, pleasure, confidence, honor-

 

Brittany:

Yes, absolutely.

 

Dr. Anna:

... of who we are.

 

Brittany:

Yeah.

 

Dr. Anna:

Right? That we take these steps with intention and we demand the pace that we individually want to go at and not feel like so many women do, like this is the next step to getting to know someone is sex when our non-negotiable ... we didn't even know this person and the more we know this person, we're thinking, "What the hell was I thinking?" Possibly, if I [inaudible 00:56:19]. Maybe that's just me, y'all.

 

Brittany:

No, I'm laughing because I'm thinking of a time that I was heartbroken over someone that I thought I was in love with and I wrote a love letter and it happened to be after just visiting him and you said, "Why? Why did you not come to me first? You need to wait at least two weeks before you write any love letters." It was ongoing so I thought, "Oh, maybe this is it. I think he really does love me just like I love him." And then it was definitely a surge of oxytocin that gave me that hope with lack of confidence, him on just a normal level, essentially, to find out where this ... so going back to communication of not only how important it is for us while we are intimate but outside of intimacy if we want to go, take it as far as intimacy because you might not be on the same level.

 

Dr. Anna:

Not on the same level and that can be more painful later.

 

Brittany:

And that feels, oh it feels so crappy afterwards.

 

Dr. Anna:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

Brittany:

It's like, it's when ...

 

Dr. Anna:

That's where you understand the power of our hormones and our hormones have connection, where there's an evolutionary reason for that, that oxytocin bond was there to, if you're pregnant, to sustain you for the duration of that pregnancy, right? It's to sustain you with the father of the child who is the protector, who's going to get food and bring sustenance to the family. That is now his responsibility to caretake as you give birth to this child, right, and take care of this child and family. So there's an evolutionary reason for these hormones of connection and bonding, as well.

 

Dr. Anna:

And we need to honor that. Do not think lightly. Do not tread lightly and I have worked with clients and I have been aware of organizations that are like, "Okay, we'll just eliminate that. Have enough sex that you no longer feel connected to that instinctual urge." And that's damaging. That is so terribly damaging and when I first heard that for the first time I definitely stood up and spoke against that because we have to honor our physiology. There's a reason for our physiology and when we go against our physiology we go against our soul, our soul purpose.

 

Dr. Anna:

And then we're denying what our soul really wants and so acknowledging ... acknowledging that, understanding that and also being able to make the right decisions. I know that I am going to feel this way. I need to take my time before I ... and get to know myself better in this relationship because sometimes we are different in different relationships. Right? That's the truth. And I need to get to know this other person better to see that it is someone that I want to open my arms, open my doors to, open my life to, open my heart to.

 

Dr. Anna:

And that natural progression of developing deep relationships is what makes love really special, which makes longevity really special, which makes being in relationship really special and make that choice, the right one for us for the long-term versus looking back and saying, "Oh, (beep), what was I thinking?"

 

Brittany:

Yeah, yeah, I feel like majority of us can also agree with that statement. As you said, what was the quote? "Southern women don't like to talk about their-

 

Dr. Anna:

Exes.

 

Brittany:

... exes."

 

Dr. Anna:

They don't people to ... other women to know how stupid we were.

 

Brittany:

You live and learn. You live and learn. [crosstalk 00:59:50]. So that's why we're here having real discussion with real thoughts with real women.

 

Dr. Anna:

Francine said, "Wholeness." Wholeness, absolutely right, Francine.

 

Brittany:

A Facebook user says, "If you can discuss HPV remedies."

 

Dr. Anna:

Ah, great, yeah and I promised one of my Instagrammers that I'd talk about-

 

Brittany:

Fibroids.

 

Dr. Anna:

... fibroid, as well. So with HPV, HPV is a virus, right? A virus and you know in this time of pandemic and we talk about Coronavirus and we recognize, I mean really this is a reality check. We can get a virus into our system just from being around someone within six feet. What do we get when we transmit body fluids? Right? Certainly in sperm, in semen, there is RNA and DNA, which are adjuvants, which can actually cause a immune cascade within us, right, an autoimmune reaction within us. And so it's really important, hence my whole thing on who do you want to swap your microbiome with? I don't know, my kids think that's really special.

 

Dr. Anna:

But HPV, human papillomavirus, is sexually transmitted, as we know, with HIV sexually transmitted and many other ... So HPV causes, human papillomavirus causes condyloma and also is the key contributing virus to cervical cancer. We know of other sexually transmitted things such as chlamydia, bacteria, right. Bacteria and parasites, trichomoniasis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, all of these things are sexually transmitted. And so with human papillomavirus one thing that I found very successful in working with my patients that had either warts or abnormal Pap smears is number one, is to detoxify from exogenous estrogens, plastics, phthalates, parabens, chemicals, birth control pills to really balance our hormones. That's very helpful.

 

Dr. Anna:

The second thing and then it's all about detoxing from sugar, getting Keto-Green, cleaning out sugar, cleaning out yeast, but also adding methylated folate and sulforaphane glucosinolate, SGS for short, just SGS for short. I use Xymogen's product called OncoPLEX ES for my clients with HPV or a history of condyloma or abnormal Pap smears. The combination of OncoPLEX ES or SGS, sulforaphane glucosinolates, which is from broccoli seed extract.

 

Dr. Anna:

And again, it's a powerful combination that can really help your body fight off viruses and that can make a huge improvement of what I experienced in my clients who had HPV or abnormal Pap smears when I used a methylated folate and OncoPLEX ES together or sulforaphane glucosinolates, however you say that, SGS for short. That's why we have abbreviations. But we see an improvement and actually by the time I did a surgical procedure the results would be negative or Pap smears would come back normal and/or condyloma would recede as our body fights off these viruses.

 

Dr. Anna:

So thanks for that question. That is something that I've definitely ... I definitely talk about. I use, clinically this is my kind of clinical cocktail to help clients with abnormal Pap smears and HPV.

 

Dr. Anna:

Now the question with fibroids that came up in my Instagram community about painful fibroids or trying to conceive, like what can we do to help our body to get rid of fibroids? Number one, detoxification. We need to detox. So this, again, in my books, The Hormone Fix and Keto-Green 16 coming out May 5th, there's this ... a plan that goes beyond what we eat in order to detoxify. It's 25% about what we eat are critically important but that's critical and I also found that clients with fibroids benefit often from establishing healthy progesterone levels over being estrogen dominate. So sometimes we, depending on the age, using additional progesterone and also again, detoxification. OncoPLEX ES can help or sulforaphane glucosinolates, as well as methylated folate and understanding what's happening to your body.

 

Dr. Anna:

So for fibroids there's a couple resources I love. A beautiful book called, Healing Fibroids Naturally is one of my favorites as well as, there are some great books that are all on periods, so Nicole Jardim's, Fix Your Period. Lara Briden's, B-R-I-D-E-N, Period Repair Manual. Jolene Briden's, Beyond the Pill. All of these are great sources. Nicole Jardim just put out Fix Your Period and again a very important resource for every cycling woman and also to understand if you have menstrual problems early on.

 

Dr. Anna:

Thank you guys for that.

 

Brittany:

Yes.

 

Dr. Anna:

Another question?

 

Brittany:

So we do have another question regarding coconut oil. I know we touched base that it is one of the ingredients in Julva. But this woman asks, "Is coconut oil safe for self-pleasure and is it safe to use as a lubricant and if so, is it safe all the time?

 

Dr. Anna:

Okay, now this is a really good question because MCT oil, coconut oil is antibacterial, antifungal so it can affect your natural flora. So the beautiful thing about Julva is we use it topically, clitoris to anus, versus vaginally. Vaginally on occasion is absolutely fine, beneficial and also for restoring health. Using coconut oil vaginally is fine, periodically but we don't want to do it every time. So the goal, and that's why Julva is very beneficial, it's restoring your natural moisture so that you're lubricating naturally yourself and again, we're not interfering with the vaginal microbiome, vaginal bacteria that's healthy and that we need.

 

Dr. Anna:

And so I would say, definitely this is where Keto-Green comes in too. There you're getting healthy fats in your diet to help support the membrane and while I love coconut oil as a lubricant I also have a DIY, do-it-yourself, lubricant that has some fractionated MCT oil, fractionated coconut oil, aloe vera gel, which is very soothing and healthy, and as well, adding some essential oils and that can be a very nice lubricant that's balanced. A little bit goes a long way because number one, you don't want to suffer and have pain when you're having love making, intimacy with your love of your life, right? You don't want that and you don't want to have the negative consequence afterwards of having more issues.

 

Dr. Anna:

So that is why, number one, Julva ... number one, why I formulated Julva the way I did, to be externally applied and topical so that we're not interfering and in fact, improving our vaginal health, improving our vaginal pH, improving our sensation of pleasure. So that's a really, really good question. But again, if you're also having sex needing to use coconut oil every day I'm just like, "Congratulations."

 

Brittany:

So that kind of goes hand-in-hand with another question we've got. This woman, she's worried about not being able to self-lubricate as she gets older and she's wondering if the term, "If you don't use it, you lose it" is true and what certain foods or activities can help with this? As you mentioned, Keto-Green, diet and of course, lifestyle. What do you think about the term, "If you don't use it, you lose it"? Is that same for the whole female anatomy, you think?

 

Dr. Anna:

Well, I mean if we don't exercise our tricep muscles or bicep muscles we're going to lose our muscle definition, right? Same with our pelvic floor. Absolutely, pelvic floor exercises are important. I have a great video in my YouTube channel about the right way to do pelvic floor exercises or Kegel exercises because it is important that we exercise our muscles for the rest of our life. I always told my pregnant patients, 'Here's the right way to do pelvic floor exercises and you do this until you die."

 

Dr. Anna:

So it is critically important because the last thing we want is incontinence, prolapse and so like we would exercise our core, or exercise our legs, exercise our arms, exercise our brain, it's as important to exercise our pelvic floor and definitely it absolutely makes a difference and I know I've worked with women who have been abstinent for decades and what they have found and certainly what we realized and recognized is that how important it is to keep our pelvic floor tissue healthy through pelvic floor exercising, giving it the nourishment it needs, so hence, Kegel or pelvic floor exercises until we die. Use Julva as a preventive maintenance and probiotics, healthy diet, avoid yeast infections and continue ... I'm doing my pelvic floor exercises right now. You can't tell can you?

 

Brittany:

Nope. All together now.

 

Dr. Anna:

Right.

 

Brittany:

So I'm aware that the Kegel exercises and pelvic floor exercises can also help enhance orgasm but we have a question asking, "How can-

 

Brittany:

... Orgasm, but we have a question asking: How can she achieved multiple orgasms? Is that something that is possible?

 

Dr. Anna:

Every woman can achieve that, absolutely.

 

Brittany:

Every woman?

 

Dr. Anna:

Every woman can achieve multiple orgasms, and I think this is really goes into again, knowing what pleases you, knowing what pleasures you, being at home in your body, and understanding what feels good and what doesn't feel good, and voicing it. And this is really important. I remember a ... What was it? Was it Two Men and a ... I don't know. It was some funny ... Sheen, Sheen. Charlie Sheen was in it. What was his name?

 

Brittany:

Two Men-

 

Dr. Anna:

Two Men and something.

 

Brittany:

Something, yeah.

 

Dr. Anna:

Anyway, but there was this funny episode where I guess the lead actor was having. After intimacy with his significant other, he comes back and says, "Did you have an orgasm?" And she goes, "Yeah." She said, "Yeah, I did." And he goes, "Well, I didn't realize it." She goes, "Well, I did it while you were downstairs getting water." You know? And I think that's really, really critical to be able to, again, to communicate what you like, what feels good, and to have certainly a partnership. And also, again, knowing what pleases you and being able, again, feeling safe communication to have that with your partner, your love of your life, your relationship that lasts an eternity and how much better it is when you can do that.

 

Dr. Anna:

So knowing your body, knowing what feels good and not being afraid to make ... If we're questioning like, "Oh, I don't feel comfortable saying this," or "I feel like this has taken too long," or for example, even in oral sex or in sex, that I think there's a good philosophy that she comes first, right?

 

Dr. Anna:

Because men have more or less control over that aspect, depends on how you look at it. But understanding your pleasure is really, really important. And number one, I talk about this in sexual CPR is that your pleasure is his pleasure. And so once you recognize that and own that, there's more pleasure to be had together. And stepping into that situation is transforming when it comes to intimacy in a relationship and helps with the longevity of a healthy marriage.

 

Brittany:

Absolutely. Two and a Half Men, that's the name of it.

 

Dr. Anna:

Two and a Half Men.

 

Brittany:

Yeah, I just remembered.

 

Dr. Anna:

That was hysterical, that's a good one.

 

Brittany:

So [Gabe 01:11:21] wrote, "Hi. I feel like the oldest woman in America who still has a period, I'm 55. I had a regular cycle until this month. I thought excitedly, 'I might be finishing.' It was a six-week cycle, and then I started my period. I do have one other friend who is 56 when her period stopped. How common is this? My mom was done at 49, and my 50-year-old sister is going through menopause."

 

Dr. Anna:

Wow, Bravo, Gabe. You must be doing something right, and I thank you for writing it. And also it's not uncommon right now because of the amount of stress in America and the news that that's affecting our cycles. Many women are having some disruption in their period, either breakthrough bleeding, irregular cycle, we're seeing PMS, as well as some of the neurologic symptoms that come along with chronics, cortisol and stress such as anxiety, depression, mood swings. And so the fact that you're 55 having regular cycles or continuing to have your periods, that's beautiful.

 

Dr. Anna:

We say the average age is 52, plus or minus. So you're within a healthy range, as long as it's healthy for you. Now as a gynecologist and obstetrician, my favorite thing to do is do pelvic ultrasounds and look at the uterus, look at the ovaries, look at the endometrium. And as a diagnostic tool, pelvic ultrasounds are very, very helpful. So with even just a simple diagnosis as irregular menstrual cycle, getting a peace of mind pelvic ultrasound is very beneficial. But if this is regular for you, you don't see a change, you don't see a shift, then it's healthy and you're not alone. I have to say that the oldest woman, I'm just going to tell you, the oldest woman that I delivered a baby from was 55. So, Gabe, congratulations. Naturally conceived by the way, yeah.

 

Brittany:

Well, while we are on the topic of pregnancy, we do have a question regarding that. This woman has been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. She was never on birth control, and she's also gone to her doctor and she has said everything is fine. Is there anything she can do differently?

 

Dr. Anna:

How old is she?

 

Brittany:

That is not clear.

 

Dr. Anna:

Disclosed. So I think that's really important to understand. Sometimes there are immunologic reasons for this, we call this unexplained infertility. First of all, when I give ... I'm not giving a diagnosis, I'm not giving medical advice. But what I would say is get as healthy as you can absolutely be. I love to share the story of a client of mine from New York City who was 45 years old, had failed, and I hate that word too, had failed six cycles of in vitro fertilization with donor sperm. So on her last three embryo, she enlisted my help. I had her get [alkaline 00:05:13], just focus on getting alkaline, improving her physiology, actually cooking some bone broth in her New York City tiny apartment, and she had her last three embryos to work with. So again, let me just emphasize this. Mid-forties, six failed cycles, last three embryos, and focusing on her physiology.

 

Dr. Anna:

So between working with me, taking Mighty Maca Plus, doing some bone broth, focusing on getting alkaline, and doing acupuncture, this client on her seventh trial of in vitro fertilization with her last three embryo became pregnant with twins. And we spend some time with her.

 

Brittany:

Yes.

 

Dr. Anna:

Twin boys delivered healthy, twin boys in her, I think 46 years old, 45, 46 years old, healthy twin boys. Those boys are now three years old and we just love them. But what a blessing. So first of all, never give up. I was diagnosed at age 39 with infertility and early menopause. And as an OB/GYN, highly trained, we don't talk about reversing that. But what I was able to do and why I'm so passionate about teaching and why my books, The Hormone Fix, I say, it takes more than hormones to fix your hormones, right?

 

Dr. Anna:

And many people watching have read The Hormone Fix, but that is number one, your first resource. It is my Magnus Opus, it is information I want every woman to understand. But I was able to reverse, with the grace of God, able to reverse my early menopause and infertility to conceive a healthy baby at 41 years old, and now I am 53 with a 12 year old. Oh divine, oh divine. No, it was a blessing. 100 times a blessing. So first of all, if you have that hope, you have that love, never stop seeking for answers. Don't give up on yourself, create a healthy environment within you that honors you.

 

Brittany:

So we have another question regarding wanting a better understanding of the changes that happen after pregnancy, up into ending breastfeeding.

 

Dr. Anna:

Yeah, and also definitely true. With breastfeeding or with postpartum, the pelvic floor relaxation. We have a hormone in pregnancy called relaxin, and thank God for that relaxin hormone. It allows our connective tissue to give, right? It allows our pelvic floor to relax, and so that we're able to birth a baby through our birth canal. And so whether we had a baby with C-section or vaginal delivery, those hormones are at play. Pregnancy-level hormones of estrogen, estriol, progesterone and relaxin, not to mention prolactin that is helping us breastfeed. And with that, every time we're breastfeeding, we're giving oxytocin.

 

Dr. Anna:

So we're really getting nourished and feeling this love and connection with this baby. And sometimes, we're not missing necessarily the intimacy with our spouse, or the baby's father, and that is important to understand this physiologic shift in connection. But pelvic floor issues. So pelvic floor exercises, probiotics, healthy fats, so important to be Keto-Green during this time. As well that we're nourishing our hormones, getting enough healthy fats, nourishing our body really well and also exercising our pelvic floor so that we can strengthen our pelvic floor to rehabilitate it. Honestly, to rehabilitate it after, after pregnancy again, whether we had a vaginal delivery or a C-section.

 

Brittany:

Interesting how it happens, even if you had a-

 

Dr. Anna:

C-section.

 

Brittany:

C-section too, and this will also help with incontinence-

 

Dr. Anna:

Absolutely, absolutely.

 

Brittany:

As well, because we see a lot of women that have that as well.

 

Dr. Anna:

As did I, and hence why I created Julva, and do my programs and do my plans and do Kegel exercises or pelvic floor exercises the right way, because I had four big babies. I had four big babies, and I remember doing P90X one time and I'm like, "Oh, now I understand what the P stands for." Right? That was not okay, in my 40 years old or however old in my early 40s to not have bladder control with exercise, and I'm not alone. I'm not ashamed because I understand anatomy and physiology, and we're self-neglecting a certain part of our anatomy, especially our pelvic floor that we're going to have these consequences. A normal part of postpartum pregnancy, but we have to strengthen. We strengthen our arms, we strengthen our mind, we strengthen our intuition. We need to strengthen our pelvic floor again, prime real estate.

 

Brittany:

We have indeed prime real estate, and-

 

Dr. Anna:

[inaudible 01:18:53] says, "I'm 55 with a 12 year old. Yay, yay."

 

Brittany:

Yay. So Eloise writes, "Thank you for sharing. I started getting very strong headaches during intense orgasms. They subside quickly, but mentally I find myself holding back because I'm focusing on what might happen. I'm 64." That's-

 

Dr. Anna:

Elaine, I've had this issue before too. I had a client who was 62 years old, she came in to see me. She has been found testosterone and Viagra, right? And she said that she had significant pain on intercourse and she was having significant trouble with migraines and didn't want to have any part of having sex. On evaluation of her, she had also had a hysterectomy and a bladder procedure. And so she had pain with intercourse because of suture that was coming through the vaginal wall. Anyway, worked with bioidentical hormones to help her with this, and in that working with bioidentical hormones to help her with that, she says, "Dr. Anna, I haven't had another migraine, and I've had the best orgasms of my life." So what did I do? Essentially, an early version of Julva, as well as bioidentical progesterone. And then you want to do a migraine protocol work.

 

Dr. Anna:

So vitamin B-2, vitamin B as in boy, vitamin B-2 on a daily basis, magnesium-l 3n8, that's in my Better Brain and Sleep formula, and then Pure Balance Cream, which is progesterone and pregnenolone neuroprotective hormones that we need in the menopause, using that at night, at least five or six nights a week. And that can definitely help. That's kind of like my first step. And if you're not getting complete resolution with that, definitely email my team at drannacabeca.com, and certainly come back on our lives and share with us.

 

Brittany:

Wonderful.

 

Dr. Anna:

Have we covered everything?

 

Brittany:

I feel to wrap it up, we have this great question, which is the perfect way to wrap this all up. "I want to know the proper way to care for my body and self." So as we're explaining to everyone redefining what it means to be a sexually empowered woman, how can we not only take care of our physical, mental, hormonal and sexual health? What are some easy steps in a brief summary of what we can start focusing on?

 

Dr. Anna:

It really does start with self confidence, and knowing our yes's and knowing our no's, and knowing our non-negotiables. And I think that comes to the self confidence. And also again, when knowing our yes's, know what gives us pleasure, know what doesn't, and being able to communicate it. We lose nothing by communicating our truths. We lose nothing by that. In fact, we can gain the world from doing that. And with that, we gain self confidence and then we're not compromising, and especially when it comes to intimacy and sexual confidence, and that enables us to have restorative, healthy, loving relationships when we are being authentic. When we are very clear without the brain fog created by oxytocin and dopamine, we're very clear with what we want and what we don't want. And I always tell clients, "Write that down. Write that down and get to know your own body, get to know your own body. What gives you pleasure, what doesn't give you pleasure." And so we're not there laying awake in a situation where we feel like, "What have I just done?" Or, "What's the hype about?" Right?

 

Brittany:

Right.

 

Dr. Anna:

Because we're not getting pleasure. And I hear that from young women all the time, especially with their first sexual experience, I'm like, "Savor it. Wait for it, wait for it." That steps 1-10, just wait for it, savor it, really know what your truth is, what you love, and what you don't love, and who you love. That makes difference. It's not underrated. I think the society, especially with media and movies, that there is such a permissiveness that does not honor our biology, physiology, and our emotional health. And we need to come to this on our own terms, at our own pace, in our own reality, and with our own self knowledge and grace.

 

Dr. Anna:

And so what I wish for every woman is that she has self-confidence, she is fully in ownership of her giftings and of her purpose and her passions, and she embraces it and emblazones it in her life. So, that is powerful. That is a sexually empowered woman. Not a promiscuous, not a whatever all these other terminologies, it's not that. It's that individual, feminine, sexual energy. That is powerful. That is what our society and our ... More than what our society is based on. It's what innate to our being, the truth of our being. And that creates a solid foundation for us as women. And with that, can having healthy relationships with ourselves, with those other great girlfriends, and that goes beyond that. To our community, to our-

 

Brittany:

But then within that self confidence, and that mental clarity, that coincides with you're going to be more optimistic to take care of yourself physically, because our physical aspect is extremely important. As you said, our gut microbiome is coincided right there with our vaginal health and in everything. Our neurological health, our ... You want to touch on?

 

Dr. Anna:

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I was just reflecting on the word, "Emblazon." I love that word, emblazoned, when it comes to feminine energy and feminine sexual energy, that we are emblazoned and honoring that and absolutely healthy. It starts with how ... I love the old proverb that says, "When you have your health, you have a thousand wishes. But when you don't have your health, you have but one." And so being healthy, owning our vitality, owning our passions and not cowering, hiding, minimizing ourselves, I think that's really special. A strong woman honors other people, raises other people up as well as does not hide her giftings, and I encourage that for each and every one of us and certainly for my beautiful daughters.

 

Brittany:

Awesome. I hope everyone takes that message to heart for themselves, and to share it to their daughters, their sisters, their mothers, their friends, and remind them of what it really means to be a sexually empowered woman. I hope that we've answered some questions today. I feel like we touched a lot of-

 

Dr. Anna:

We touched a lot of areas.

 

Brittany:

We touched a lot of areas, and I feel like there's so much that can be talked about. But we'll see how-

 

Dr. Anna:

Until next time, y'all. Thanks for being with me, Dr. Anna Cabeca, the girlfriend doctor and my beautiful daughter, Brittany [inaudible 01:26:07] who is sharing this time with me today. And I want to let you know that not just I am here for you, but we are here for you. We are a team. I don't do this by myself. I'm very grateful for all those in my community, for each and every one of you for showing up. And also remember that your health is critical for the health of your family, and the health of your community, and the health of our nation, for the health of humanity. It starts with each and every one of us taking that ownership. And I honor you, you are worth it. And thank you so much for being here tonight. Please share, spread the word, put your comments from @drannac. You can share this, create a watch party, have a discussion, open up the discussion and certainly tag me and Brittany with any questions, any comments, anything you want us to hit on in the future.

 

Dr. Anna:

You know that we are here for you, and I thank you for being with us tonight. Happy Saturday. Thank you guys. It's Dr. Anna Cabeca and Brittany, we love you. God bless you.

 

Brittany:

Love you.

 

Dr. Anna:

Thank you for joining us in that fireside chat with my daughter, Brittany and me, as we spoke on sex ed and the important sexual health has on our overall health for the rest of our life, and how holistically we can gain feminine, sexy confidence. And with that empowerment, that transitions into so many areas of our lives. I find that so many women, even in their 70s and beyond are dealing with issues that they never expected they would deal with, and are finding a hard time finding healthy answers. I had a client, [Anne 00:18:52], who wrote in earlier that she's 71. She'd only been intimate with her ex-husband and had not started dating until recently at 71.

 

Dr. Anna:

And so just wondering what to expect, what not to expect and what are the guidelines as far as this goes, as well as women in their 20s discovering their own sexuality, and what does pleasure mean for them? What's a yes? What's a no? And how do we strengthen our feminine values, and in general, our values? And being able to voice exactly what we want with confidence and what we don't want with confidence and how patience and time can really make a difference in our decision making. So I love always bringing this up to my clients, and how important it is.

 

Dr. Anna:

I had a client too, that wrote in about Julva. She is 72 years old. So we've definitely have clients using it in their 30s, 40s, 50 and beyond. But I really love this client who said that it just changed her life, that her and her husband are more intimate now and more expressive sensually than they ever were in their 30-year marriage. So I love hearing these stories and I love that I could help make a difference in your life. And I definitely invite you into the conversation. We will have a part two to this sexual health, so please email in your questions to team@drannacabeca.com. Team at D-R, Anna, A-N-N-A, Cabeca, C-A-B-E-C-A .com, and I'll be sure to bring them up in our next podcast on sexual health. Thank you for being with me today. 'Till next time. This is Dr. Anna, the girlfriend doctor.