How can I help you?

    132: Developing A Culture Of Love & Kindness w/ Amber Trueblood

    Moms, whether you’re parenting single or with a partner, this episode is for you. All the stress that quarantine is bringing us, including being at home with our kids and partner 24/7, is bound to cause some anxiety and tension in the household. I’m thrilled to haveAmber Trueblood, author of Stretch Marks, on to talk about how to develop a culture of love and kindness to see us through this difficult time - and beyond.

    Or listen & subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts | Android

    About Amber Trueblood

    Amber is first and foremost a mother of four boys under the age of 12, then an author and retreat host. She has an MBA, an MFT, and is unequivocally a parenting expert. Her expertise, experience, compassion, and humor result in that perfect unique combination of entertainment and effectiveness.

    On this episode of The Girlfriend Doctor, Amber starts by telling us why we need to keep track of how often we’re saying “I should” - and to what. Women are often faced with feeling like they “should” be doing something, but in reality, is it necessary? The first step to leveling out your anxiety and increasing your happiness, mama, is to treat yourself with kindness.

    Amber shares her insights into what she calls your emotional bank account. When your emotional funds are running low, you’re more susceptible to shorter tempers and higher anxiety. Amber talks about some of the ways we can replenish our emotional bank account.

    Next, Amber explains a few techniques to connect with your family through gratitude, appreciation, and growing as individuals. When we acknowledge who our family is, our connection with them grows, even between siblings, and paves the way for greater acceptance. Amber also tells us why it’s so important to share with your children how you’re feeling and what you’re experiencing.

    On a more practical level, Amber tells us how simple breathing techniques can help us control our anxiety levels. She also gives us the inside scoop on how to stay in the present moment and why this is something we should actively strive to do. Finally, Amber explains what emergency emotional management is and why you need to figure out its role in your life.

    What makes you happy? What can you do, starting today, to create that loving environment to encourage growth? As always, you can ask me anything and let me hear your thoughts in the comments below If you have questions, email team@drannacabeca.com.

     

    In This Episode:

    • Why you should keep an eye on your “I shoulds”
    • Why you need to treat yourself with kindness
    • How you can replenish your emotional bank account
    • How you can check-in with your family to really acknowledge who they are
    • Why it’s so important to share with your children how you feel and what you’re experiencing
    • What impact breathing has on your anxiety levels
    • Why you should focus on one moment at a time
    • What role emergency emotional management has in your life

     

    Quotes:

    “Sometimes being kind to ourselves and being honest to ourselves is so important. Let’s maybe not jump to beat ourselves up for situations. And even if it was related, does it serve you at all to go into that negativity spiral?” (31:47)

    “Bringing yourself into the present moment can also really be a wonderful way to reduce your anxiety.” (36:21)

    “When we try to treat all of our kids the same, it’s doing a disservice. That’s really not treating anybody fairly because they’re not the same and they don’t have the same needs. Give yourself permission to treat people differently because they deserve to be treated differently because they are different humans.” (52:33)

    “At the end of the day, I think kids, like all humans, want to feel loved, they want to feel like they belong, they want to feel safe, and they want to feel respected and accepted.” (55:57)

     

    Resources Mentioned

    Get your FREE Mom Gift from Amber

    Find Amber Trueblood Online

    Find Amber Trueblood onFacebook |Twitter |YouTube |Instagram

     

    Transcript: 

    Amber:
    Be kind to yourself and be honest with yourself. The honesty part is, I like to give people a slew of tools and ideas and tips and practices, but you know yourself best. Listen for the ones that make your ears perk up a little bit or have you nodding your head or have you thinking like, oh, I totally used to do that in college and it really helped when I was feeling a lot of anxiety. I should do that again. Those are the things then that you take from this and implement tonight if you can.

    Dr. Anna:
    Just this Monday morning after waking up joyfully, I journaled, read my devotional, I walked outside to see the sunrise and do some yoga. I prepared a wholesome breakfast, and I woke my girls who all gave me a smile and said, "I'm so excited for school." We dressed and ate together at the table. As I sent them off to school with a hearty lunch packed, and I love you with all my heart card tucked into their lunchbox and received, "And I love you so much, mom." As they walked into school, I just felt like wow, so accomplished being just such an amazing mom with such amazing kids.

    Dr. Anna:
    What a day, huh? What? Sorry, I was daydreaming again. Let me wipe the drool off my chin. The reality of the situation may not have gone quite this way. Certainly, yelling and screaming waking up the kids possibly and preparing boiled water which serves three purposes; hot tea, make some oatmeal and hard boil some eggs. I woke up the girls, again and again, receiving some shouts and comments of, "I want to wear this, I don't want to wear that." And you name it. It can get pretty crazy.

    Dr. Anna:
    Trying to get everyone off the door at the same time and oh no late again. My daughter's told me that one time I said, "Since we're already late, let's drive-by Starbucks." I said, "Okay, well, we're already late. Let's do it." All right. Well, let me tell you my expertise in motherhood has come a long way really, one of the most challenging and rewarding roles I have has been that, of being a mother. Being a single mom, in particular, has had so many challenges that I'll share with that today as I introduce my guest to you who's an expert and author in this gifting of motherhood and incorporating a sense of humor and sense of discipline.

    Dr. Anna:
    Well, hello everyone, it is Dr. Anna Cabeca, I am the girlfriend doctor and it is my mission and my passion to help women live better lives before, during, and after menopause. Welcome to the Girlfriend Doctor Podcast, an intimate place for intimate conversation, and I am here for you. You can ask or tell me anything. I love the conversations that we have. No shame, no guilt, no apologies, and we are pulling back the curtain on all things related to women's health. You name it, we talk about it. Our goal is to shine a light on your overall wellness, mind, body, and spirit. Let's get started. Well, hello, Amber, thanks so much for joining us today.

    Amber:
    Hi, Anna. I'm super excited today.

    Dr. Anna:
    Tell us a little bit more about yourself, how you've really gotten into this line of work, and also, like I was just sharing that you have four boys, I have four girls. Yours are under 12, mine are 12 and older.

    Amber:
    I love it.

    Dr. Anna:
    Yeah.

    Amber:
    My background was in business, and then I went on to get a master's in clinical psych, which is my true passion, really understanding how people think, why we behave the way we do, and all of the elements that I can use then to help people through transitions, through challenges that maybe are brought upon them from outside sources like we're all involved in right now, or things that you want to actively purposely change in your life. Transitions that you're looking to go through. Whether it's personal or professional or health-related.

    Amber:
    That's really where my passion lies. I spent the last couple of years putting together... I'm an obsessive reader and learner. I found that all of these self-help and self-development and business books that I read, I would find these little golden pieces and nuggets from everything, but I was still frustrated. I felt like there was a lot missing. What might work for one person was a great story, but I couldn't apply it to my life because I was like, everybody has different values, different lifestyles, different family dynamics, different personalities. Our kids have different personalities and lifestyles and priorities as well.

    Amber:
    I really wanted to write a book that was helpful specifically to overwhelmed moms that took all of that into account. That could be helpful and light and funny and interesting, but also leave you with some real tools and practices that you could institute today, given your unique perspective and values.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love that. Definitely taking this into, like you said, overwhelmed moms, right? That's almost like a given sometimes. It definitely feels like that especially as a single mom, for me, a single mom with four children. I said it has been the most challenging role I've ever had in my life and certainly the most rewarding and I wouldn't take back a minute of it. Here we are, and we're recording and we have kids at home, and there's this transition going on in our lives.

    Dr. Anna:
    I think now more than ever, we can feel sometimes our strengths, we want to focus on our strengths, but we can also feel our inadequacies. Okay, maybe I'm at my limits, and these challenges that we face, just being a mom, working mom, single mom, mom in general, partner, all of those things can really bring up some significant challenges.

    Dr. Anna:
    Now, I love the humor in which you wrote Stretch Marks. That is a great book and for everyone listening, I bought it off Amazon on Kindle. It is a great book in hard copy. I love hard copy, but I'm like, I want to make sure I get that book, they weren't delivering so well during quarantine so, I got the Kindle. Fabulous sense of humor, fabulous creativity. As you were writing the book, Stretch Marks, talk a little bit about what were maybe some of your discoveries along the way that you feel impact us most as mom?

    Amber:
    Well, the first two things I always like to point out to people and it's especially relevant right now in this situation is to be kind to yourself because often we spend so much time and energy which we have limited both, we have limited amounts of both. We spend so much time and energy thinking about what we should be doing, all the I shoulds, I call them in the book, right? The I should this, I should that. Those can come from internal sources or those can come from external sources.

    Amber:
    Oh gosh, my boss thinks I should be doing this, my neighbor, my sister in law, my mom. You get all of these pressures from the outside world, and we spend a lot of time and energy either responding to those, feeling the pressures of those, and seldom do we take the time to ask ourselves, what do I want? What's important to me? What will make me happy?

    Amber:
    I argue that spending all this time and energy on our outside pressures, is not serving us, it's not serving our children, it's not serving our families, and it's certainly not serving us. The more we can be kind to ourselves, and really focus in on what's important to us, and what will make us happy, will benefit our children as well.

    Amber:
    Starting from a place of really acknowledging what makes you happy, and you're completely unique. Everybody has different values and lifestyles, and you're a different person than you were a couple of years ago. A couple of years from now, you're going to be different. The choices you make now are unique to this specific time and who you are at this time. So, let's honor that, especially given the fact that we just had all of these shifts brought upon us. Very few of us got to choose, oh, all of a sudden I'm working from home. All of a sudden, we're together 24/7, all of a sudden my kids that used to have soccer practices and sleepovers and play dates are home with me 24/7, all of a sudden, there's this distance learning stuff. What does that mean? Are you kidding me? You're kidding me with this.

    Dr. Anna:
    We have to check their homework.

    Amber:
    Some kids are taking to it great, and they're just soaring, other kids are really struggling. Some kids, their confidence is going up, others are feeling really frustrated. Everybody all of a sudden has different needs, that need to be served differently than we've ever had to do. I don't say that all of those things to overwhelm us, what I say is, I'm bringing those to light because I think that it's important that we acknowledge there have been a lot of transitions, we didn't have any preparation time, so let's just be kind to ourselves about that. Let's acknowledge that.

    Amber:
    That brings us to my second thing is being kind to yourself. Instead of then beating ourselves up with judgment, "Oh man, look at these people on Instagram and Facebook, they have it together. They're having meetings, they're doing this, their kids are doing art projects." First of all, you don't ever know what's really happening in anybody else's house. They might have their cooking all... They love cooking and they're posting all these beautiful meals, that doesn't mean everything else in their life isn't falling apart, okay? It's not a competitive thing. It's just to let you know, we really don't know what anybody else is struggling with. The more that we can be compassionate for ourselves, then we can have compassion for others and realize, look, let's be kind to ourselves. This is new, and even if this person over here, maybe they have a child in the hospital right now, so it's easy to beat yourself up. "Oh, I shouldn't be complaining about distance learning, they have a sick kid." It's okay. It's okay to be stressed out, and it's okay to be happy and be enjoying this time. It's all okay.

    Dr. Anna:
    It is, it is, and just that not comparing, it's not competitive. I love the yoga expression when you're practicing yoga. You're on your mat only. You're just on your mat. Keep it on your mat. Don't compare with anyone else, it is your practice on your mat. That is such good advice. It's like don't look outside to get validation or for competition, or for reinforcement of our inadequacies. That just takes me about two minutes if I want to really be honest.

    Dr. Anna:
    About keeping it together in this transition, and however old our children are. Yours are 12 and under, mine are 12, 20, 23 and 31. We have seven women under the roof of my house right now, two dogs, a very young lady, my 12-year-old and then the rest of us as adult women, and quite different challenges. One is finishing her college, her third year of college at home, virtual learning. Certainly, Ava Maria is homeschooling at this point from her school, which was again, not prepared for. Who was prepared for distance learning?

    Dr. Anna:
    That was a challenge and a transition time for her, but she's really got it, she's pulled it together. Then my other's working from home, but much of what they did anyway was working and studying from home. It's just a full house and a full adventure. But I think what we had to do, we had to have... In our family, we had to have some family board meetings.

    Dr. Anna:
    We did okay, these are our responsibilities each day. There's a list of who's cooking when, and alternate teams are cleaning. So, reinforcing the teamwork and also working together and holding people accountable for that for the expectations to be met. If, for example, dinner's not ready at a certain time, hey, you have to communicate that. How do we navigate this, keeping it together? Here I'm with older children, you're with younger children, that part of being kind to yourself and not looking for outside reinforcement, or comparativeness, and doing that self-care.

    Dr. Anna:
    I always say I love the quote, resentment is lack of self-care, right?

    Amber:
    Oh, yes.

    Dr. Anna:
    Absolutely, and you have a relationship program coming up so you guys at Amber Trueblood, at your website and your Facebook I saw you're doing relationship in quarantine, so needed, I love that.

    Amber:
    There's a lot of questions coming up on that end. Well, so let answer your question because I think that we can provide a bunch of tools for people. I always say, and this is to be honest with yourself part, this be kind to yourself and be honest with yourself. The honesty part is, I like to give people a slew of tools and ideas and tips and practices, but you know yourself best. Listen for the ones that make your ears perk up a little bit or have you nodding your head or have you thinking like, oh, I totally used to do that in college and it really helped when I was feeling a lot of anxiety. I should do that again.

    Amber:
    Those are the things then that you take from this and implement tonight if you can. One of those tips when you were talking about board meetings, I think this is a good time right now to do... Like when they say an ounce of prevention is like gallons and gallons and gallons of cure? This situation now that we have in quarantine, that term or that analogy is more important than ever. Because we all have a certain amount in what I call your emotional bank account. The more things you can do to replenish the amount, the balance in your emotional bank account, then when those little things... Then when you see the dishes weren't done even though this person was supposed to do them after lunch, and now you're trying to make the next meal and there's no dishes because everything and nothing was put in the dishwasher, and that's the chance whereas you're starting to get upset again.

    Amber:
    The higher you can keep that amount in your emotional bank account, then the less likely you will be to slip your lid, as all of those little things pop up during the day, because they're going to. It's inevitable. Nobody's going to be perfect around you, and you're not going to be perfect. How do we then keep that level of high?

    Amber:
    A lot of it is preventative things. I want to go through a couple of several tips. But one of them that came to mind when you were mentioning board meetings is one that you can use with older kids, younger kids, or just a house full of predominantly adults like you have. It's like, you know how people do a lot of oh, we're going to say, thankfully. We're going to go around the table, everybody says something they're grateful for, or you do it at bedtime.

    Amber:
    We, in our house, added a couple of extra steps to that. I think this can be very useful for people. Besides saying something you're grateful for, which I think is always important and helpful and helps reshift our perspective on things, but say something that you appreciate or admire about the person to your left. However you're sitting, go around the table, you say something that you find special. Not just oh, I'm grateful you made dinner. No, a character trait, a quality that you really admire or appreciate about that person.

    Amber:
    When siblings do this with one another, I find... It carries so much more weight than when you as the parents say, "Oh, you're so kind and compassionate. I really admire that about you." Or, "You're so persistent, or you're really tenacious when it comes to something and you just tackle it and you don't give up." Whatever it is, when they hear that kind of compliment from a sibling, it really, really helps change the dynamics.

    Amber:
    The other thing that we added... We have a round a grateful, then we go a round of what you appreciate or admire. If you have time, you can do everybody in the room and then somebody else does everybody in the room. We did that at Thanksgiving, and it took like an hour and a half, and everybody really loved it and came out of it with a feather in their hair.

    Amber:
    The third thing is what I'm working on. This is not like, oh, I'm working on this podcast development or I'm working on a new project. It's a character trait that you're working on. We're keen to hear their parents be honest about what you're working on. It models so much. It models, we're not perfect, and we're admitting that and we're actively working on it.

    Amber:
    To me that helps kids realize, wow, the expectation is not that I'm supposed to be this perfect human by a certain age, that we can forever be working on ourselves, and it's not a negative thing, it's an acknowledgment that we're human.

    Amber:
    I'll all say, "I'm really working on being in the present moment and enjoying the present moment." I'll say, "Because, I think as mothers is that can be very tricky for us because we've been trained through necessity to be thinking ahead and doing these forms, and ordering grocery, we're just shooting on all cylinders, thinking tomorrow ahead and two weeks ahead and two months ahead all the time. To rein that all in and focus in on the current moment, it's a real brain shift for a lot of us. I'll share with my kids, "I'm really working on that because I like you guys, and I want to enjoy the moment with you, but sometimes it's tricky for me to get out of my head. So, it's a practice that I'm working on to be more present and more enjoying the moment."

    Amber:
    They'll all go around and say what they're working on. I was really shocked because my kids are seven, nine, 11, and 12 now, I was very surprised that they didn't need help coming up with ideas. All of them, the stuff that they bring to the table it's almost exactly verbatim like what I recommended they're working on. It also helps other people in the house to realize, "He knows that that's super annoying, and he's working on that." That's interesting, didn't seem like he had a clue that that was annoying.

    Amber:
    It also helps people have a little bit more empathy when they see, "You're actually working on this, you're acknowledging that this is a problem, then I don't have to show you or prove to you it's a problem that I think you should be working on because you already see it. I think that that is one of the practices that can be really helpful.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love that. I love that realization, what I am working on, and also that checks and balances. Similar to that, I'm super annoying and such or such, it's like this is what I love about what you do, and this is what should be really able to focus in a positive way on what they're working on. Also, a way to make sure that they're not hard on themselves unnecessarily or there's not that negative self-speak, but yet it's phrased in a positive way because we're always working on something, what could we be working on?

    Amber:
    Speaking of that, I talked to my kids about, because all the kids are different. When you have four, sometimes if three of them are really alike in one vein, and one is different, they feel like only one in the world that does this, or [inaudible 00:20:25] this or thinks like this, and it can be very isolating. I think that happens in bigger families sometimes, you feel like the black sheep of the family.

    Amber:
    I had this conversation with one of my kids the other day, and I said, "Look, there's two sides to every personality trait." I feel like it's our job as parents to really help not shift their personalities, but show them how this can be a strength in what area, and [inaudible 00:20:53] what the flip side of that personality trait might be and how they might need to, just be aware of that.

    Amber:
    Somebody who is a perfectionist, so to speak, to expect that same level of perfection in those around them. Well, that can be a hugely beneficial trait in a lot of areas of your life as an adult. It can also be really difficult, and it can also make things very frustrating for you, very frustrating for people around you. We talk about that. We'll say, "It feels like you keep getting in trouble for this one thing that you're doing, but let me tell you, there's a positive side to this trait that's going to serve you big time as an adult, and this is how that's going to look. Your brothers might struggle with that because that's a natural tendency for them. For you, that's going to be really easy. For now, it feels challenging, but I guarantee you, there's a positive flip side to this personality trait and man, it's going to be golden. You're going to really use it at some point." I think that can be beneficial too.

    Dr. Anna:
    Yeah, that can be beneficial. I was thinking too because each child is different as we can tell, so different sometimes, but love languages, do you use the love languages with your children?

    Amber:
    I don't. I know about them, and we talk about them in broad terms. I was just thinking about that the other day because I had another mom that is very into enneagrams... I don't know how you pronounce that, but-

    Dr. Anna:
    Enneagrams.

    Amber:
    Enneagrams. She was saying that for her family, she uses it a lot, and it's been really, really impactful. I think that all of those tools are amazing. I also think there's a place to just open up the conversation and say, "What kind of things... Especially with the younger kids, leave you feeling really happy and special and cozy in your heart? What kind of things leave you feeling left out and frustrated and sad?" Talk about those.

    Amber:
    I think the best way to approach that conversation is to use yourself as an example and to say, oh wow, I love when you come out of the blue and give me a hug, it makes me feel so special and [inaudible 00:23:11] There are times all my kids... You can also notice how they react to things because sometimes they can't articulate, they don't know how to describe really what their love language. I'll go up to children and, "I'm so lucky to be your mom. How cool is that I get to be your mom?"

    Amber:
    I could just see them be like, "Gosh." That's the ultimate compliment. If you do it with authenticity, then that really can make somebody's heart soar.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love that. One thing we do at our table and I was kind of hesitant, but it was brought up by one of my children to do the practice of highs and lows. I always hesitate on the lows. I never want to look for the negative, but yet, the flip side is, is that it brings up an area for us to discuss that could be really affecting their heart, affecting them. I want to know your thoughts on those highs and lows?

    Amber:
    That's a good question. I think that it depends on the kid. Some can handle it, and some need it because they might not ever mention a low and they're just carrying it around and they're thinking about it a lot, and they're making assumptions and they're telling themselves a whole story in their head. That might be an amazing tool for that person to bring out some stuff that they maybe otherwise wouldn't offer.

    Amber:
    I think it depends on the kid. I would try it and see, I think if one kid it spirals them down, maybe you do it just one on one with the file, that it does help. The other thing is I know that Sara Blakely always talks about that her family around the table and talked about celebrating failures. Really, failure was the word, it sounds like an extreme, but basically it was celebrating trying, it was celebrating taking risks. You can reframe it so it's not lows, but it's like a, "Hey, I took a big risk, didn't turn out how I anticipated." But you can say, that taking that step in a scary situation, or I have a friend I just interviewed and she talks about stepping into the uncomfortable zone.

    Amber:
    I thought that's really cool, because it doesn't necessarily have to be a failure, but it has to be like, "Wow, I stepped into something that was so uncomfortable for me, and here's what happened." But it really doesn't matter what happened, it matters that you celebrate it and the fact that you took a step.

    Dr. Anna:
    I see that. Thinking way back when, when I studied under Dale Carnegie's influences and Dale Carnegie courses, he talks about using the sandwich language. I'm wondering if even... Because I like the idea that we can touch those areas that sometimes those lows that I'm not talking about it, but all right, we're all sharing. If we did high, low, high, a sandwich-type thing, but also with those lows, what did I try to do but maybe I wasn't successful, like falling off the skateboard or something like that?

    Dr. Anna:
    The high is I got on the skateboard, the low is I fell off the skateboard.

    Amber:
    The more that you can convey, especially to children who have difficulty expressing that kind of stuff, is just start talking about your own stories, because I guarantee you, they will be very surprised sometimes. I had a situation recently where one of them was feeling some jealousy. It was girl related. They said... I was talking about it to him, and he said, "Well, you felt like this before?" I said, "Yes, totally." But there was a surprise like, how can... Nobody's felt like this before. I think, we often, especially the first time that we're experiencing really, really strong emotions about something in a new way, it can be really validating to hear that you've been there, and you're not taking the focus away from them, you're not making it about you. But you're sharing that you're human too, and you can relate. If you want to talk about it, here's what was helpful to you when you were dealing with that.

    Amber:
    Also, I love the practice of not pretending we know all the right answers to everything. There have been times that I've said, "Wow, this is a new parenting area for me." Literally used those words with them. Like, "I did not think this was going to come up yet in our lives together, so I got to think about it. I got to think about what's the best way to deal with this so that I can help you through this, but also help you learn something at the same time, not solve it for you. Let me talk to dad, let me talk to mom or whoever and think about it, and we'll circle back." It's okay to say that.

    Dr. Anna:
    I think that's great too. Also, they know you're looking out for them and you're being honest, that's authenticity. Children feel that versus just coming up with an answer. I also really liked the part about reflecting on, when I was such and such, I experienced this. Again, how important is you said, not to deflect away from their emotion around what they're dealing with, or that their concern and their issue. But to be able to share, for me It felt like this, helped me understand more about how you're feeling. To just not... I think that's really good that we're not taking away their concern. All this stuff is challenging. I'll say, the first child, the oldest child as we call her Practice, we learned so much as we raise our children.

    Amber:
    It's true and we have... I think that as I was thinking about this topic, specifically for single moms. I spoke to a couple of my girlfriends right now, and some that where there's no partner involved at all and they're 100% on, and then others that are alternating between 100% on by yourself and then pure utter isolation and the stress when the kids are with the partner and then the stress of not knowing what quarantine protocol he's using and arguing about that and then how do you communicate to the kids why you're doing it one way at one house and another way at another house? Which happens all the time in divorced families, but this situation is even more amplified, because there's grave health concerns. They might be listening to the news non-stop in one house, not hearing any news, and hearing a lot of positivity and health-related things in the other house.

    Amber:
    This can be extremely anxiety-provoking even more so, for single moms. Then at the same time, I saw a lot of opportunities because there are, I think tools that you use as a single mom that you figure out quickly out of necessity because you can't be in five places. I grew up with a single mom, I grew up with the same mom and we're very independent, autonomous, handle our own... You become much more, I think like a team from early on out of necessity, but it's still very nice. I developed a lot of independence and confidence growing up in a household like that.

    Amber:
    I think that it's easy for parents, especially if you're saying, going through a divorce right now or immediately preceding this experience that you blame any problems, any temper tantrums of your four-year-old or teenagers acting out, you blame that on the divorce. [inaudible 00:30:54] she would not be doing this. If we weren't getting divorced right off.

    Amber:
    I see moms do that all the time. I remember when my oldest was three and I had a very good friend going through a divorce, and she had kids exactly the same age. She called me and said, "Oh my gosh, Savannah is doing this and she's doing this. She's freaking out, she hates me, because she knows that she was just applying all of these stories to the behavior." I said, "Look, I'm not going through a divorce, we're not fighting in front of her. We didn't just move houses, and my kid is doing the exact thing back. I swear to you, I'm not joking, exact same things, exact. It's a developmental thing. They're both turning three, all of a sudden, they don't want you to get them dressed, they don't want to take a nap. They want... He's doing the exact same thing. I promise. It has nothing to do with your divorce."

    Amber:
    Sometimes being kind to ourselves, it comes back to being kind to ourselves and being honest to ourselves, let's maybe not jump to beat ourselves up for situations. Even if it was related, does it serve you at all to go into that negativity spiral?

    Amber:
    Now, that's easier said than done to get out of it, but I do have... If I could share with you. One of my favorite things in dealing with a lot of anxiety, you're just feeling really anxious, especially right now where you're thinking about finances or you're thinking about your health or you're thinking about your job and what's going to happen in a couple of months. I always relate it to going through labor. Even if you didn't physically give birth to your kids, I was in adoption proceedings before I got pregnant because they told me I probably wasn't going to be able to have children, and that's a whole other story.

    Dr. Anna:
    Wow. Okay.

    Amber:
    I know the adoption process. Holy moly, that's grueling. It's very anxiety-provoking. There's a lot, a lot, a lot that takes place during that. However, you had your children, and I'm going to call it going through labor, but however you ended up having them, there are certain tools that you can use during labor that really help. I feel like you're smiling like you know what I'm going to say.

    Dr. Anna:
    Oh my God, I love this. I'm thinking about [Lachey 00:33:06] right now and the doula work and labor and deep breathing and [inaudible 00:33:15]

    Amber:
    That's the first one I would love for you to chime in too because I have here the physiological impacts of slow deep breathing. It's not just oh because it's cool-

    Dr. Anna:
    Turns on your parasympathetic.

    Amber:
    It does real things in your body, hormonally, chemically. It's not just this magical Zen thing that you do because it's what Yogis do. They do it because it really does impact your nervous system, and the chemicals in your brain and the hormones that are released. Then because of that, your immune system, your sleep cycles, it goes on and on. Your metabolism, it affects everything.

    Amber:
    Step one, slow, deep breathing. I always say it slowly; slow, deep breathing is huge, and it helps us during labor, deal with the labor pain. The second one is we carry a lot of tension in our jaws, in our face and in our shoulders like this, and that causes problems with us physically as well. But just actively noticing am I all tensed up right now? Not only am I going to breathe deeply, but I'm going to relax my jaw, I'm going to relax my face, I'm going to just let my shoulders go.

    Amber:
    Then sometimes, a couple of minutes later, they're already back up to here, but that's a second thing I think you could do is the slow deep breathing, relaxing your jaw and your face and your shoulders. The third thing is focusing on the present moment. I remember being in labor with my first and thinking... I had a doula, and I told her, oh my gosh, if this is what it feels like, at four centimeters, there's no way I'm going through a transition. There's no way I'm going to make it. I started panicking.

    Amber:
    She was like, "No problem. No problem. Well, let's just actually focus on the contraction that's happening right now, and then we'll talk about that later." I happened to be on Pitocin with him. There was not really any in-between. But as soon as she got me focused on what was happening right now, and I thought, "Okay, I can tolerate this, I can totally deal with what's happening right in front of me." What I couldn't deal with was the unknown of the future.

    Dr. Anna:
    One contraction at a time.

    Amber:
    Yes, plus same thing here. Know yourself. If you know that you're going to start panicking and freaking out and not being able to sleep or eat by thinking of two months ahead. This is like... What did I call it? Emergency emotional support protocol time. This should be top of mind. This is protecting yourself emotionally because it protects your family, it protects your health. The more you can... Maybe you have to focus one day at a time, maybe you have to focus on from now until lunch was my focus, maybe you have to focus on literally what I'm doing right here in the moment, depending on how anxious you are at that given time, you need to hone in your focus smaller and smaller and smaller until you get to a piece small enough that you feel like, okay, I can handle this, I can handle this right now. Then focus on the moment, the next moment.

    Amber:
    Bringing yourself into the present moment can also really be a wonderful way to reduce your anxiety. The fourth thing is when you're in labor if there's a bunch of people in the room that are annoying you, what do you do? You kick them out of the room. You yell at whoever's there, "Get her out of the room [inaudible 00:36:43] right now." You're like, "Get them out of the room." Because it's not serving you to have anybody around you that's negative or obnoxious, or annoying or disrespectful of you or judgmental or anything. Anybody that's making your feathers perk up is out. You kick them out of the room.

    Amber:
    The same thing that we're going to do right now that in a support protocol mode, everybody who is not serving you, making you feel good and happy, I'm not saying you have to cut them out of your life, but minimize and distance yourself from them. Maybe you send them a text saying, "Hey, thinking about you, I hope you have a great week." In other words, I'm good, but you won't be hearing from me. I care about you, but I have a two-hour conversation today because I want to be kind to myself and I can't handle that right now." I always say those four things; breath, relax your jaw, focus on the present moment, and kick the people out of the room who aren't serving you.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love it. I love it. Backup to the focus on the present moment, it reminds me of a book written by Joan Rosenberg, 90 Seconds to a Life You Love. It's just 90 seconds, those emotions, that wave of anger, that wave of guilt, checking into yourself, to feel what you're feeling and just give it 90 seconds and just do that deep breathing through it, that wave of emotion will pass so you can more easily step into being in that present moment. Just remember, it's just a minute and a half. A minute and a half and that wave, that emotion, that energy will pass.

    Dr. Anna:
    I thought, well, really? Are you seriously... Just serious, just 90 seconds? Yep, just focus 90 seconds breathing and that emotion will pass. How often do we not give ourselves 10 seconds let alone 90 seconds?

    Dr. Anna:
    This is Dr. Anna Cabeca, the girlfriend doctor, author of best-selling books Keto-Green 16 and The Hormone Fix. I quickly wanted to share with you that my new book, Keto-Green 16 is finally available. Look inside these pages, beautiful recipes, a 16 day clinically proven, effective, fat loss, adrenalin boosting, an anti-inflammatory plan that will make you feel great quickly.

    Dr. Anna:
    We have used this plan in clients in post menopause, menopause, and post-menopause as well as some gentlemen that have joined us along the way. I love it when men are joining alongside their ladies and taking part. What we found is an increase in fat loss, a decrease in symptom scores, and a decrease in the waist. We'd like to see these changes.

    Dr. Anna:
    In fact, we had one client who's a 67-year-old woman who has tried many things. She was diagnosed in the past with breast cancer and had felt that she had hit a wall and she was just going to have to power through or struggle for the rest of her life. Just within one cycle of Keto-Green 16, she not only felt tremendous, but she said she was happier than she's been in forever that she could remember and she was no longer feeling like when is the next shoe going to drop as far as waiting for another diagnosis? She felt empowered over her own body and that she has taken this control back. Not to mention, losing some weight, improving her blood sugar with a decrease in hemoglobin A1C, as well as some other really important health markers.

    Dr. Anna:
    Now we've had a gentleman in the plan, his name is Daniel, at 57 years old, with 80 pounds to lose on blood pressure medicine at risk for starting blood sugar medicine. He did one cycle of Keto-Green 16 with his beautiful wife, and within 16 days, his symptoms dropped tremendously. His blood pressure improved so much that he has to be weaned off his blood pressure medicine, and he lost 30 pounds. I know, crazy, right?

    Dr. Anna:
    What other clients have told me especially during the quarantine is that they felt like they were doing something good for their body, they could focus on their health and their resilience, which made them feel much stronger and healthier. I encourage you to check it out, Keto-Green 16, and I am pleased to be on this journey with you.

    Amber:
    The other thing about self-care, because that's what we're talking about in a nutshell, and that we haven't used that term exactly, but is when you're out in the world before all of this and people talked about self-care, they often I think, align it with oh, getting massages, or going on vacations or things like that. I would argue that those things can be very, very nice, but true self-care has lasting effects. It's often most of the time free, and it's something that doesn't just feel good in the moment.

    Amber:
    For instance, I always think about this when people talk about meditation, how they want to do it, but they don't have the time and then they can't sit still, which I get, I had that argument for many years. I liken it to going to the gym. We go, we exercise, but we do an online workout nowadays, not to just look and feel healthy for those 45 minutes that we're actually doing the workout. If we only felt good, and we're healthy during those 45 minutes, and then we're terribly unhealthy and felt awful and looked awful and could barely walk, and we're in pain for the other 23 hours in the day, we wouldn't do it. We wouldn't do it, most of us.

    Amber:
    Meditation is the same thing, but for your mind and for your emotional states. It gets your body practice in tools that then serve you for the other 23 hours of the day. The more you do it, then the more your endurance goes up, and the more you're better able to stay focused in the present moment, your memory improves, you're less reactive and more responsive to the environment. You can be more purposeful in your behavior, instead of just responding and putting out fires and frantically racing around. Then you get into bed at the end of the day, we've all been there, and you're like, "I am exhausted. I don't know what I did today. I don't feel like I accomplished anything, but I was busy all day, and I served the needs of everybody else around me. My needs, I don't even know what the last time I asked myself what was important to me or what would make me happy, or what would make me feel good."

    Amber:
    Meditation or things like gratitude journaling, things like maybe finding old hobbies that you put away a long time ago, but that really made you happy, and maybe you've made up excuses why you can't pull out the knitting yarn or take an online hip hop class or sing or cook or play cards. Whatever it is, there's probably something that you put away a few years ago, or maybe do once every six months now, but this is the time to bring it back. If you have kids in the house, that are interested, bring them in on it, teach them something that you love to do, and that, what an amazing opportunity for bonding and doing something that you enjoy on top of it.

    Dr. Anna:
    Just again thinking about what you said, that self-care versus emergency emotional management, love that term; emergency emotional management and heading back into self-resentment is lack of self-care and feeling too, definitely hearing from clients resentment towards their spouse, resentment towards their ex, resentment towards their kids, resentment to those others that may seem like they have it all together and you're just being held together by a thread.

    Dr. Anna:
    I definitely remember those years as a single mom where it felt just like, oh my gosh, you certainly can't handle one more thing, how am I handling everything I'm handling right now? Of course, I'm still a single mom, but I definitely have learned and it would have been nice to really understand just how impactful whether we're single mom, mom or just in a relationship living life, how important this emergency emotional management is really as a developed practice and principle that we practice on a regular basis.

    Dr. Anna:
    I talk about feeling the peace that surpasses all understanding. Just that deep peace despite the external circumstances. For me, that process was physiologic, mental, emotional, relational, that I call my Keto-Green way. The Keto-Green, what we eat is a part of it, but there's a whole lifestyle component that I learned through being into those dark depths of hell, and I definitely have seen clients just spiral right now because of all this triggering that's going on and certainly fear-based cortisol.

    Dr. Anna:
    I want to address a little bit more about scheduling. Scheduling, organizing your day, organization, I always joked. It's been since college, my entropy, the natural law of disorder, that is this natural law, and that entropy. But when you're all homeschooling under the same roof, or as a parent, as a mom, and organizing roles and responsibilities and accountability and always so loving tips in this area. We need a good name for this. You have emergency emotional management, emergency organizational management, I don't know whatever.

    Amber:
    Yeah, we'll come up with something good, and put it in the show notes. I like it. Just to give you a tiny bit of background, a couple of years ago, I pulled all the kids out of school, we started homeschooling. Six months into that, we had this wacky opportunity that came out of the blue that was not expected. My kids all play music. One of them got cast in a role to be in a Broadway musical that was the touring company. They were a traveling company.

    Amber:
    My husband and I, at the time, because we understand how fragile marriages can be and how difficult it can be when you're living in different places for extended periods of time. We knew from the get-go, that we would either go all together, figure out a way to make it happen, or we would pass. We were fortunate enough to figure out how to do it all together. All six went on the road, we ended up being on the road with this tour for 16 months. We went to like 60 different cities all over the US and Canada.

    Amber:
    We were A, all six together, 24/7 pretty much. We were in very different locations. Sometimes in two hotel rooms because we didn't have enough beds for one hotel room. We'd be down the hall from each other sometimes and we'd have the luggage in one... Everybody always... I wrote the book while we were on this tour, people were like, "You're writing about this, right?" I thought I don't even understand... I can't even explain to you what I'm doing right now. I can write about it in a couple of years because I'm in it.

    Amber:
    But anyway, we were together and we were homeschooling from the road, which looked very different than any type of homeschooling from one location, whatever looked like. I learned a lot during that experience on what works for us, what works for each kid, the opportunities in all of that, the challenges in all of that, how my husband and I work together, who has what strengths and how do we support each other and not tear each other down in times of stress and anxiety. All of those are applicable now, and I feel very honored to have had that experience so that I can hopefully use some of those tools to help other people right now.

    Amber:
    One of the things we did when we came off the tour last June and we are living in San Diego right now, which we weren't living in before. We sold the house while we were gone, sold the cars and just said, "Well, we'll [inaudible 00:49:10]" Anyway, long story short, what I found to be helpful some of the tools are every morning, even my seven-year-old, they first start out by doing their trifecta of terror, we call it. [inaudible 00:49:21] because I got really tired of saying, "Okay, did you brush your teeth? Okay, brush your teeth. Did you make your bed? Okay, but you're still in your pajamas." This was when you could still go do things. Now, we stay in our pajamas most of the time."

    Amber:
    I got tired of they would have two things, but not the third. Then I just started saying, "Did you do your trifecta?" Then they called it the trifecta of terror, which then just makes it funny. If I had made that up, it wouldn't be funny, but they made it up, so it's funny. I said, "Yes, do your trifecta of terror, please." They do that, and then we laugh about it instead of being like, "Oh my God, how many times that you're 12. Do I have to remind... Really?"

    Amber:
    Sometimes you can make things playful, instead of making them annoying, and then it lightens the mood, and that raises your emotional bank account as we talked about. Then they all give me by about 9:00, 9:15, a list of what they're going to do that day. It needs to include not only academic stuff but outside stuff, physical activity. It includes music, it includes something creative. Then often because they're silly, it will include something funny on there to get me laughing as I'm reading and checking their list. It'll be like, "Look really closely at Dylan's list." One brother will say about the other. Or it'll say like, "Make mom laugh." Then if I've laughed by the end of the list, then they check that off.

    Amber:
    They have fun with it. Now, it started to go overboard where there were like, half the things on there were jokes and then half were serious, and they said, "Okay, no, no, no. You can have like 20% jokes, but the rest needs to be real stuff." But it made it playful, and then they started making my seven-year-old, I made examples of this in here, but made these beautiful lists, with drawings and colors. It was really, in a way became a way for them to also express some creativity.

    Amber:
    They do that, and then I can say during the day, "Okay, where are you on your list? You've been doing this task for a long time, maybe this is a good time to filter in some outside time." Really teaching them autonomy, teaching them to manage themselves, I think... I think single moms... Unless you have really little kids, and you're just not there yet, but you become very good at this very quickly because you have to, you can't babysit and stand over their shoulder every 10 seconds. Just like when the kids are little, and they're climbing up something dangerous, I would always sit back and say, "I don't know about that. Could you get down on your own from there?"

    Amber:
    Then instead of being right there behind them, they knew they had the responsibility to assess, "Does this feel safe or should I climb back down. Obviously, it looks super dangerous-

    Dr. Anna:
    Yeah, of course, right, but you're watching.

    Amber:
    But that saved me because then I didn't have to be one of those moms that was panicked, I knew, okay, that he's not going to climb up there if it's unsafe. I can trust him to trust himself, and then that obviously elicits in themselves so much confidence and pride because they know they got this, they know you trust them, because they're smart enough and responsible enough to handle it on their own.

    Amber:
    Now, for some kids you can do that earlier than others. You would also be really honest with yourself. I think when we try to treat all of our kids the same, it's doing a disservice. That is really not treating anybody fairly because they're not the same person and they don't have the same needs. If you give yourself permission to treat people differently because they deserve to be treated differently, because they are different humans, then you know... You can tell that too. You know what, this guy needs this right now. I'm going to give it to them. When you need that, I'm going to give you that because that's my job.

    Dr. Anna:
    I think too, one thing I did early on too is just having a date night with one at a time, just having that special mommy-daughter time. Of course, we're having it all the time now with the whole group, but just having some times that one on one time, which is really unique and special. Do you institute a reward system? Do they get a reward? Do they get just, they have that sense of self-accomplishment? I ask because-

    Amber:
    [inaudible 00:53:37] verbal.

    Dr. Anna:
    Verbal, mm-hmm (affirmative).

    Amber:
    The funny thing is, my kids also, we didn't end up doing devices, I couldn't even think of the word, cell phones, and iPads and things like that, I just kept telling myself, maybe we'll wait a little bit longer, maybe... Then we ended up waiting so long, that they developed all of these other really cool skills. They're obsessive readers. To the point where they get in trouble for reading at inappropriate times or walking across the street trying to read, and people tease me about it. I get that it's a nice problem to have for sure.

    Amber:
    They read obsessively. They're very creative, they draw, they play music and whatnot. The more I saw the benefits of that, the less likely I was to... The other thing is, when they tried to interact with other kids, they would get frustrated because they'd be like, they're just playing the games the whole time-

    Dr. Anna:
    They're so boring. These other kids are so boring. I hear it, yeah.

    Amber:
    They started to get a lot of positive reinforcement from other adults like flight attendants and waiters and people at hotels because we were traveling a lot. They got so much positive reinforcement for how polite they were, how they made eye contact, how communicative they were, what they were working on, or how creative they were, that it became so strongly reinforcing that I haven't felt the need to do any sort of external points or awards or anything like that, because it's been built up already so strong, and I didn't want to if I didn't have to link behavior to desert, or go back and you have all sorts of funky relationships with the... Right?

    Dr. Anna:
    Right, TV time or things like that. Well, I'm glad to hear that because I'm not organized enough to do that.

    Amber:
    Yeah. That people find that with little kids that can be hugely reinforcing. If you look at Khan Academy, my kids love... "Oh, I got this badge." It's genius at getting you badges and you get points and you get this avatar that gets a tail." It's very reinforcing and they love it. If you have a kid that that resonates with and you really feel you need some help, some more support, but at the end of the day, I think kids, like all humans, want to feel loved, they want to feel like they belong, they need to feel safe, and they want to feel respected, and accepted, okay?

    Amber:
    If you give them those things, man, it's hard to find other things unless they're addicted to something, then that's a different kind of reward, then you're reinforcing an addiction, which is really powerful, but it's way more... It's amazing, if you can link their rewards to one of those feelings instead of really helping build that up, then you're really giving them such a service, providing such a service for them because... Then with chores around the house, we tell them, there's things that you do just because you're part of this family, and that's how we need to function, but I also am respectful about it. I will give them a warning and I will say, "Hey, guys, you know what, in about an hour, I'm going to call you all in here. We're just going to all spend 30 minutes because this living room is driving me nuts." In about an hour, I'll warn them and then in a half an hour I'll say, "Okay guys, you have 20 more minutes and then I'm going to call you in." Then I call them in, and I do it with them, which I find to be far more effective than trying to do paperwork and then be like, "Guys, no, wait, you're not done yet. You did half... "

    Amber:
    I also find it effective if I have them do separate things. It's not everybody does, "Okay, you two clean up the kitchen." For me, I found that's not helpful because then it's like, why did this part... Well, I did seven glasses. No, no, no, you got the kitchen, you got the art table, you got the backyard and you got cleaning up all the books and putting them away or whatever it is.

    Amber:
    I'll tell them, "What do you want, you want books, you want entryway, you want shoes, whatever, and then they do it." If they complain or if that particular space happens to be a total disaster, I'll say, "Don't worry, you'll make more messes tomorrow. We're going to have something different tomorrow." That's the genius of having a big messy house, we have lots of stuff for everybody to do all the time.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love it. Amber, thank you so much. Thanks so much. I could definitely talk with you all day and really enjoying spending time with you. I know I can't wait for you to write your book about your travel journey. I also homeschool too while we traveled around the world for over a year in different countries, different cultures. Just a way of understanding what's really important. We were together, we had a couple of duffel bags and just made it work.

    Dr. Anna:
    But what I saw and what I see you doing because your children were just on Good Morning America playing their music. But what I saw, and what I think hopefully many people are gleaning now, one of the silver linings admits the quarantine is that you can really see your children's gifting. What are they doing now? When I traveled around the world, I saw two outside of the structure, what they were really fascinated them, when they were drawing because they're drawn to continue to create, to think, to do stuff, especially because of no electronics. At that time they had laptops for school, but the laptop was associated with schoolwork, back when you have the disk drive; 2006, 2007.

    Dr. Anna:
    It was just beautiful to see, one was just reading everything, the other one had an affinity for languages. And just the food and the cooking, and this right now and just this little bit of time, she's organizing her room, her clothes based on color. Look, you all, it was chaos, don't think that I've done anything to inspire this, but it is just her gifting. She's like, "Okay, you know what, I think I really want this organized." She's been working on it now for a couple of days, and she's writing down recipes. How cool is that? Of course, that's Keto-Green smoothie recipe as well. Maybe they're just smoothie recipes, but it's just fascinating to see the creativity and that writing it down, that aspect is beautiful to see.

    Dr. Anna:
    We're under the stringency sometimes of we've got school and we have after school and we have soccer, tennis, horseback riding. There's so little downtime and creative time that we can feel good. The kids are not going to fall behind because they're not in school. If anything, we'll see flourishing in their personalities, I hope.

    Amber:
    I think so. I think everybody does need purpose, and sometimes the project helps. If you do have a kid that has difficulty self-starting, you have these kids that you could not hear from them for three hours and they're creating a board game or they're doing whatever, and then other kids that are like, "I'm bored." In our house that just does not fly. It's met with like, "You're bored? Okay, perfect. Guess what, this pantry is... Then they go running. You barely see them run off into the-

    Dr. Anna:
    They found something to do, exactly.

    Amber:
    If not, then you get your pantry cleaned up.

    Dr. Anna:
    There you go. Now, you're talking also about relationships, using the same guidelines, the self-care guidelines, the kindness, being kind to yourself, being kind to others in the related guidance. Just in closing, give us a word for those relationships, because I know as my big pet peeve, I have a whole program called Sexual CPR about intimacy beyond sex, but right now because of a lot of pressures and stress; financial, personal, emotional, relational, it definitely can put a strain in relationships. Just one note on that, where people can find you.

    Amber:
    Two things, communication, and appreciation are going to save you during this time with your partner. Really, really authentic communication and authentic verbally appreciating the other is going to be huge, huge, huge. I put together a special landing page for your group. If you go to freegiftformoms.com/covid, they'll get special tips and tricks and a little video with some additional helpful hints.

    Amber:
    So, freegiftformoms.com/covid. Then my regular website is ambertrueblood.com. My book is... This is good for Mother's Day too. It's if you have any moms that you love that are overwhelmed, like all of us, Stretch Marks. Then this is a journal called the Be Truly You Journal that I made too, accompany it so you can write your notes. There's some affirmations and some beautiful little tips in there as well.

    Dr. Anna:
    I love it, Amber, thank you. Ambertrueblood.com and Free Gift For You?

    Amber:
    Free Gift For Moms.

    Dr. Anna:
    Freegiftformoms.com.

    Amber:
    Freegiftformoms.com/covid.

    Dr. Anna:
    Freegiftformoms.com/covid. Okay, perfect. All right, you guys, thank you, everyone, for being with us. Thank you so much, Amber for being with us today and sharing your wisdom. This has been such a wealth of information. I know we'll have many more conversations to follow.

    Dr. Anna:
    Well, hello everyone I know that you enjoyed this podcast as much as I did with Amber, author of Stretch Marks. Definitely, a great resource to gift for yourself and or to gift during Mother's Day. We have been in a beautiful season here this spring, just launched my book, Keto-Green 16, a best seller, and I've been thrilled with the results that we're getting. Always enjoying the testimonials that I received.

    Dr. Anna:
    I received one recently from [Dion 01:03:48] in Colorado and she says, "I'm a labor and delivery nurse in the largest hospital in Colorado. We are all stressed right now about our own health and bringing home the COVID virus to our families, and especially our children. I read your blog about what you recommend to stay healthy in the midst of COVID. I thank you so much. I'm enjoying your class and your products and recommending and using [inaudible 01:04:18] for about a year now. It is a challenge being a mom during these times and I thank you for your support and kindness."

    Dr. Anna:
    Well, thank you very much, Dion. I am grateful for you being here. I love reading these testimonials and your questions that are coming in as I continue to be here to support you. Remember, I am here for you, Dr. Anna Cabeca, the Girlfriend Doctor, see you next week.

    Dr. Anna Cabeca

    Dr. Anna Cabeca

    Dr. Anna is a Triple Board Certified OB/GYN, Anti-Aging Medicine expert, and author of the best selling book, The Hormone Fix.

    Dr. Anna helps women heal the 9 most dreadful symptoms of menopause with natural, safe solutions. Follow her for content on hormonal imbalances, vaginal dryness, menopause (and more) that are medically backed, and created to empower women — not just treat them.