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    106: How A Little Sexual CPR Can Boost Your Love Life w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca

    Reclaim the power of your sexual pleasure and start healing your relationship with my program, Sexual CPR. When I was having trouble in my marriage after losing my son, I wish I knew about the techniques that I know now. Sexual CPR is helping women and men rekindle their marriage and increase their sexual desire. 

    Or listen & subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts | Android

    In the United States, there is so much focus, funding, and research on men’s sexual health. Women’s sexual health, on the other hand, is sorely lacking in understanding. I’ve conducted my own research and spoken to experts in both men’s and women’s sexual health and created Sexual CPR.

    Cortisol is our stress hormone. And when it’s raised in our bodies, our oxytocin, or love, levels decrease. This leaves us feeling unloveable and incapable of giving love. But when our cortisol levels are low, oxytocin has a chance to work the way it’s supposed to - letting us feel, give, and receive the love we deserve.

    When we learn to reignite our sexual enjoyment, with or without the presence of sexual intimacy, we’re giving ourselves permission to feel happy and enjoy our life again. This not only improves our moods but improves our relationship as well.

    In order to get here, you need to experience your pleasure. What turns you on? What makes you happy? Spend time exploring these avenues for yourself, so that you can, in turn, help your partner make you happy. Because the number one turn on for men is our pleasure.

    In this episode, I’m going through the content of Sexual CPR and sharing all the incredible experts who have joined me to create this one-of-a-kind program. You’ll learn how to redefine your orgasm, rekindle your sexual pleasure, and reignite your relationship.

    Are you having trouble connecting with your partner? How do you define your sexual pleasure? Do you have difficulty reaching orgasm? 

    In This Episode:

    • How men’s sexual health is a much more funded and researched area than women’s sexual health
    • What happens when our cortisol levels go down
    • What happens to our lives when we ignite our sexual enjoyment, even outside of sexual intimacy
    • Why you need to experience your pleasure, know what turns you on, and know what makes you happy
    • How having happiness in your relationship and sex life has an overflowing effect on the rest of your life
    • What you’ll learn in Sexual CPR
    • How you can redefine your orgasm
    • Why rekindling your sexual pleasure starts with you

     

    Quotes:

    “When cortisol goes up, oxytocin, which is our bonding hormone, our hormone of love and connection, goes down. The hormone that gives us the sense and the feeling of love goes down.” (7:06)

    “Our bodies are intended for pleasure. Taking the time to experience that is critical.” (14:00)

    “The number one turn on for men is your pleasure. What makes you happy brings him pleasure. Your turn on is his turn on.” (15:16)

    “Creating happiness on a daily basis gives you the pleasure that fuels you into more pleasurable activities. (18:38)

    Links

    Sign up for Sexual CPR

    Join the KetoGreen Community on Facebook

    Buy The Hormone Fix

     

    Transcripts

    Dr. Anna:
    Wouldn't you like to have more energy and passion in your life? Would you like to recapture that exciting feeling of anticipation that you had when you were younger? Would you like to experience more orgasm, or climax more easily and more often and experience deeper soul-satisfying pleasure in your sexual relationship? In your marriage? To feel that intimacy re-ignited no matter how many years you've been married? Oh my gosh. And wouldn't you like to feel more sensual and sexual as a woman?

    Dr. Anna:
    I know there was a time in my life that I felt disconnected, on the road to divorce and feeling that my whole world was crumbling around me. Desire, intimacy and passion, and certainly having sex with my husband was the last thing on my to-do list that I wanted to do. And I hear this from so many women, so if you've experienced this, you're not alone. I want to share with you some secrets that I've found over the year that really work when understood and we discover and implement some little practices that can really turn our life around.

    Dr. Anna:
    Welcome to Couch Talk. I'm Dr. Anna Kanabeca and I'm your host for this conversation, this special edition of Couch Talk where I'm talking about my program, Sexual CPR, and some tools that can help you reignite your passion in your life, whether you're single, in a relationship, or married for decades, tips in today's Couch Talk are really going to inspire you in this process of self-discovering, and motivate you to take steps and actions that increase your feminine fire, your feminine energy, and I want to share this with you.

    Dr. Anna:
    I recognize that, over the years, relationship intimacy can dwindle, but it doesn't have to be that way. And sadly when it comes to sexual health, there are differences between men and women, especially how our medical community takes it seriously or not. For men, Viagra, Cialis. I mean, name it. Testosterone. They are well attended to and even their insurance companies will pay for many options that help men's sexual health.

    Dr. Anna:
    When it comes to women, not so the case, and this is an area of frustration, which is just a pet peeve of mine, for sure. I have certainly tried to fight the insurance companies about this, as well as the medical institution, but not wanting to have sex with your husband should not be a medical diagnosis, should not be implied that there is wrong with the woman in this situation, should not be any of those things. I know that many women have felt this way.

    Dr. Anna:
    I want to share with you today, whether you're a woman in your late childbearing years, a woman in the midst of the change of life, or even well into menopause, that your optimal state of being is to feel vital and energetic, passionate and sexy. Sexy, confidence, right? What is the most sexy thing? Confidence. A woman's confidence when you enter a room. That is palpable, that is an energetic passion, and we should have that in our marriage, in all our relationships we should have that feeling of confidence, of respect, of love, and being lovable.

    Dr. Anna:
    Many clients and I myself had a time when I experienced not only not feeling loved, but not feeling lovable. I can look back now and wish I knew then what I know now, but I can look back now and recognize that that's a physiologic experience. That's a physiologic cause to our feelings. The feeling of not feeling love, the feeling of not feeling love, or lovable or loving, can have deep physiologic roots. There can either be areas, and I call these the seven keys to finding your sexy, and this is something I teach in my Help Doctor, Call 911, the first class in my sexual CPR Program.

    Dr. Anna:
    So I'll you some tools and some self-discovery modes in today's Couch Talk that you can implement right now. And if you'd like to go deeper and learn more, I'll share with you at the end how to join me in my program risk-free, 100% guarantee. You join, you don't like it, you want your money back? 100%. So that is with all my products on all my programs, and this program, though, has a really special place in my heart because many of you know my story and our trauma.

    Dr. Anna:
    I will share with you that the reality is average divorce rates in this country are about 50%, but for couples that have lost a child, that soars to over 70%. My husband and I knew that after we lost our precious son, Garrett, and we didn't want to be part of that statistic. We started working with a therapist right away. We thought we were doing everything we could, but like I said, I didn't know then when I know now, and our marriage ended in divorce. I felt disconnected, I felt unloved, I felt unlovable. I didn't feel love, I didn't feel passion, I didn't feel connected to my husband.

    Dr. Anna:
    I can tell you that I don't know whether or not ... If I knew then what I know now, I don't know whether or not my marriage would have lasted or been healthy, but I can tell it would not have ended in such an unhealthy, devastating way that was terribly traumatic for everyone involved, my children included. I will tell you that I felt broken. I felt betrayed, I felt guilty, I felt shameful, and it didn't have to be that way. It didn't have to be that way. The physiology of trauma, grief, post-traumatic stress, that leads us to what I teach about this cortisol, oxytocin disconnect.

    Dr. Anna:
    Now, you know cortisol is that lifesaving stress hormone. But when cortisol goes up, oxytocin, which is our bonding hormone, our hormone of love and connection, that hormone goes down that hormone that gives us the sense and the feeling of love goes down. So there's this seesaw experience with cortisol and oxytocin until we have chronic cortisol, a chronic hyper sympathetic system, which means we're like pushing the pedal to the metal even though the brakes are on. That's a stressed physiology where cortisol then becomes low. When that's the case, cortisol and oxytocin are both low, and the expression of that is the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of disconnect, the feeling of unable to bond in a relationship.

    Dr. Anna:
    We think of PTSD and war veterans, so let me give you an example of a gentleman who was in his late 30s coming back from the war in Afghanistan. His wife just had their baby, was breastfeeding their two-month-old baby, and he looked at her and he felt nothing. He looked at her baby, their baby, and he felt nothing and he said to me later, he said, "I just, I didn't feel love. I didn't feel connected." I could completely understand he was physiologically disconnected. He said, "I knew I loved her, but I didn't feel it." And their relationship ended in divorce. He essentially walked out, and he's not alone in this experience.

    Dr. Anna:
    It happens both ways, for men and women. It certainly was the case for me. I did not feel love, I did not feel connected. I was smoldering on the inside and struggling to survive. Now this physiologic disconnect, we know that it can adversely affect our relationships, our loving relationships. And I hear from so many women, "I love my husband, but I never want to initiate sex. I love my husband, but I don't feel connected with him."

    Dr. Anna:
    And often it's because we are living these terribly busy lives. We're stressed and we're tired, we then fight with our partners, we yell at our kids. There's other trauma that happens in our life. I mean, life happens, bad stuff happens. There's an illness or death in the family, our hormones go haywire, all while we're trying our best just to hold it together.

    Dr. Anna:
    Seriously, no wonder our sex lives have gone down the drain, but it doesn't have to be this way. We have to understand that we should make pleasure a priority, and especially in our marriages, learning the secrets that help us ignite the fire within us and to rekindle the fire within our marriage increases our health benefits in so many ways. I mean, I'm always looking at the longevity solution and how do we improve our quality of life, but I truly know that we're not guaranteed tomorrow. How do we improve the quality of life and love in our life today?

    Dr. Anna:
    So, in my Sexual CPR program, I share with you the seven keys to unlock and discover that sexy within you. Where are the blockages? Could they be from religious teachings? Could they be beliefs that have been held for a long time, maybe words that were spoken to us to say, "you're shameful," or, "that's inappropriate," or, "that's not normal," or, "that's weird," or whatever it is that have shut you down.

    Dr. Anna:
    Could it be medications? Birth control pills, antihistamines, allergy meds, blood pressure meds that are hormonally shutting you down? Cancer treatment for sure, right? Chemotherapy. That's an often chronic underlying PTSD that revs up our sympathetic nervous system, that keeps adrenaline and cortisol on-demand, and oxytocin in the tank so we don't feel that connection. I've worked with many women who've had breast cancer and will tell me that, "I know I love my husband, I just don't feel love for him. What's going on?" Often we feel that we're broken, that we're the problem, but that's not the case at all.

    Dr. Anna:
    I'm really passionate about this program because when I've seen couples reignited and reunited, that just makes my day. Now this isn't just for married couples, right? This is for us singles. I'm a single mom, a single woman, and I want to have my passion, my sexy on to be a passionate, loving mother, competent in my family, to be a great example for my kids, energetic and passionate in everything I do in my life. From having a dinner party, from having my job and my profession, from writing my books. I mean, things that honestly I didn't think I'd ever be able to accomplish.

    Dr. Anna:
    Having that passion reignited within me so that I can creatively use this amazing creative sexual energy into works and daily pleasure experiences that bring me joy, outside of sexual intimacy. This is important for us as a single, as well as vitally important in our marriages, and we desire to have a second marriage or another marriage, or a relationship, that is long-lasting and fulfilling, and passionate, and life-giving. And we can have that at any age.

    Dr. Anna:
    I've worked with women in their 70s reigniting that passion and reigniting that relationship, but I tell you because so dear to my heart in my late 30s early 40s, the effect of trauma and PTSD leading to my own disconnect, my own burnout and my own divorce and crumbling of my relationship. I want to share with you the guiltless, shameless, and really powerful way to increase and have deeper soul-satisfying pleasure because it is your right. Biblically, it says that ... Really, our bodies are intended for pleasure. Our bodies are intended for pleasure, and taking the time to experience that is critical.

    Dr. Anna:
    In Genesis, the second chapter of Genesis, a husband shall leave his wife ... A husband shall leave his mother and father and be cleaved to his wife, and there, they become one flesh. One flesh is an energetic phenomenon. That energy of connection, that energy of being bound together on a highly spiritual level, sexual intimacy is designed to help us stimulate the energy of this bond and connection, and that hormone predominantly is oxytocin. There's other things going on here too, but that hormone predominantly is oxytocin.

    Dr. Anna:
    So I want you to recognize that, again, guiltlessly and shamelessly and be able to, number one, express and communicate your desires, express and communicate what feels good to you. Because the number one secret that I teach in my Help Doctor class is this. It is that the number one turn on for men, women, you need to hear this, you need to know what his number one turn on is and it will surprise you. The number one turn on for men is your pleasure. What makes you happy, brings him pleasure. Your turn on is his turn on.

    Dr. Anna:
    Believe me when I say this. I had to research this because ... B I interviewed some of the most chauvinistic men, certainly in our medical community. Every one of them said the same thing. It wasn't that you know ... His greatest outcome from sexual intimacy with his ejaculations was not his climax, it was her turn on. If she had pleasure, that was the icing on his cake, for sure. That is the icing on his cake. So you need to experience this and take this to heart. Your pleasure is his pleasure.

    Dr. Anna:
    So sexual intimacy is not about checking off that to-do list item, women that are powering through sex just to please their mate. No, it is for your pleasure, your joy. So experiencing your pleasure, and how do you do that? You need to know what makes you feel turned on. You need to know what makes you happy, in and outside the bedroom, in all areas of your life. Hey, thanks honey for taking off the trash. My gosh, that made me happy. Oh my gosh. Thank you for bringing me coffee. Oh, that made me so happy.

    Dr. Anna:
    Start experiencing that, and you can experience this increased intense pleasure inside and outside the bedroom. I mean, my client, Jimmy, whose wife had gone through breast cancer and they've had significant difficulty with sexual intimacy, and actually no sexual connection for years, working with her, helping her overcome the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation therapy, the PTSD. Understanding the trauma of that, working with some vulvar vaginal hormonal therapy to help with the vaginal drive, the physical consequences, to increase moisture, decreased pain and discomfort, increased pleasure, those aspects, as well as the other keys, relational, spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, environmental.

    Dr. Anna:
    All of these other keys are critical and understanding or eliminating those blockages for decreased desire, decreased passionate, a decreased passionate life. We want an increased passionate life in all areas. He said to me, he said, "Dr. Anna, thank you for putting the twinkle back in my bride's eyes." I mean, they were married 30 years, so that's huge. They went on to have the best years of their marriage together. That's special.

    Dr. Anna:
    That's what I want for each of you. To experience daily pleasure in the mundane things of life, and to carry that into the things you love to do, and the people that you love to be with. It has an overflowing positive effect on all aspects of your life. Maybe you want to write a book, maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you want a new career. Maybe there's a hobby that you've been wanting to do, but it's been on the shelf for decades, like painting or cooking or learning a language or writing a book or whatever it is that it is for you.

    Dr. Anna:
    Igniting that fire within you gives you the power to be able to do that. Creating happiness on a daily basis gives you the pleasure that fuels you into more pleasurable activities. Having a home life that is loving where you feel loved and connected, respected, confident, and sexy fuels all areas of your life, intimacy, and physical pleasure. Another way, whether you're having intercourse or not, increases your own vitality, energy in the powerful hormone, oxytocin, which is secreted in abundance with orgasm, with laughter, with playing, with doing things you enjoy, and this is critical.

    Dr. Anna:
    Now, again, I wish I knew then what I know now, but knowing what I know makes me so passionate to teach you this program, Sexual CPR. So we start with this discovery class with a three-page questionnaire in understanding where some blockages may be. And then going into class two with hormones. The changes in our physiology that are normal and not normal. Understanding that and what to do about it.

    Dr. Anna:
    The third class is anatomy. Understanding our anatomy, our erogenous zones, our pleasure areas and maybe areas that aren't, that are a turnoff that we need to communicate. And then my fourth class is on oxytocin, orgasm, and the brain, which I go into more detail and some more science as well as skills and practices that you can use to increase oxytocin in your life so you're feeling loving, bonded, pleasure.

    Dr. Anna:
    It goes beyond hormones, and it goes beyond ... Sexual health is an area that is underappreciated, and, especially for women, not addressed in a holistic way. But let me tell you, I am the sexual health expert, but not so much the relationship or technique expert, so I have brought in some other experts in the field to really help us dig deep, including men's sexual health expert, Jeffrey Life. He has been in this field for over four decades and has done an amazing job. He's now in his 80s and still looks like he's in his 30s with those six-pack abs.

    Dr. Anna:
    So we share some of his secrets, and every man should listen to this. So women, listen with your man, especially to the men's sexual health talk, and then have a in-depth interview with John Gray. He lost his wife last year, and he's dealing with grief and heartbreak. So it was a very intimate and sincere conversation about honoring our loved one, as well as opening our whole heart to another potential love. Beautiful conversation.

    Dr. Anna:
    I bring in Michelle Alpha to inspire orgasm techniques to increase female orgasm, as well as to help with male orgasm and climax. So we talk about that, and there are some great handouts that they provide for you to teach you the fire breath, orgasm, and some other techniques to increase your orgasm as well. So it's a great program, plus relationship experts, Diana Kirchner, Alison Armstrong, and Lisa Daily to help us with our relationship issues as well.

    Dr. Anna:
    So really a holistic comprehensive program. And, again, one that I stand behind. I stand behind from my position as a physician and a scientist, as well as from a woman who's been there. From a place right now that I can honestly say I am in the most loving, healthiest, and dynamic place in my life. The healthiest relationships with my children than ever in my life, opening my heart again to love, and possibility, and passion, and doing it from a place of fullness, not need. And that's really key. I think that's one of the points is we come from a place of fullness, especially if we're single and we want another relationship, maybe we felt like there's been a revolving door of bad decisions. I get that.

    Dr. Anna:
    So the self-discovery aspects, getting clear about what we want versus what we need, and what resonates in the healthiest way possible for us. Again, we start with a healthy foundation from health, physically, mentally, emotionally, environmentally, and discovering what works for us and what doesn't work for us in all aspects, but especially in our relationship, and rekindling our marriage relationship is one of the most dynamic and powerful things that we can do in our lives.

    Dr. Anna:
    So I encourage you to join me within Sexual CPR and learn more of my secrets, including how to redefine orgasm and climax and experience more. Again, if you have never experienced an orgasm, I'll end with this story. I had a beautiful client, she was in her 40s married for 15 years, two children, and she hadn't initiated sex in two years, and never experienced a pelvic orgasm. She'd had experienced orgasm with clitoral stimulation, but never a pelvic orgasm.

    Dr. Anna:
    So one of the things she learned through working with me was this aspect of self-discovery. Letting go of old beliefs and limitations, being really connected with what was true for her, what truly gave her pleasure versus what she thought should give her pleasure. Some people think nipple stimulation is great, others think it's a complete turnoff. So understanding those things can really make a difference, and communicating her desires and using her voice to say what feels good and what doesn't feel good. So coaching in the most positive, encouraging way, coaching her husband in pleasing her and increasing her pleasure.

    Dr. Anna:
    One morning she texted me at 4:55 in the morning. I remember this very well. I'm like, "What's going on?" She said, "I'm cramping. We just had sex, and I'm having pelvic cramping. Is something wrong with me?" And I said, "No, that was a pelvic floor orgasm." So she learned G-spot stimulation, was able to share and communicate with her husband where her G-spot was and what felt good and what didn't feel good, what pressure was good, what pressure didn't feel good, and so she really was able to positively encourage him, and she experienced a pelvic floor orgasm for the first time in her 40s. How cool is that?

    Dr. Anna:
    I have clients ... Kathy, and her story's in my website, in her 60s she maintained sexual intimacy with her husband weekly, and just increasing pleasure and connection that has been rekindling to her relationship. And she just says it's essential. It's essential in keeping us connected, it's essential in keeping us loving and respectful of each other, and they enjoy life together now on a regular basis. So it flows into all aspects of our lives.

    Dr. Anna:
    Well, I hope you have learned something that you can take away, and I invite you, all of you, to join me in my Sexual CPR program. Again, a 100% money-back guarantee. Holistic program. I'm always ... It is not about porn, it is not about affairs or [inaudlbe 00:26:32]. It is not about physical or emotional affairs. It's not about that, right?

    Dr. Anna:
    It is about reconnecting with your own sexual energy, your own sexual pleasure, and we can link your most intimate relationship, but it starts with you. Single or in a relationship, this class is for you if you want to experience more deep, soul-satisfying pleasure, and feel more sensual and sexier as a woman. So join me, and I'll see you on the inside of Sexual CPR.

    Dr. Anna Cabeca

    Dr. Anna Cabeca

    Dr. Anna is a Triple Board Certified OB/GYN, Anti-Aging Medicine expert, and author of the best selling book, The Hormone Fix.

    Dr. Anna helps women heal the 9 most dreadful symptoms of menopause with natural, safe solutions. Follow her for content on hormonal imbalances, vaginal dryness, menopause (and more) that are medically backed, and created to empower women — not just treat them.