Whether you’ve never been in a long-term relationship, feel like you need to grab the next man you meet, or you’re finding your way back to life after a divorce, it’s never too late to find love. As our guest, Dr Diana Kirschner, explains, when you’re willing and ready to put yourself out there to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, miracles happen. The perfect mate for you is out there.
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Dr. Diana is a psychologist and renowned love expert who has helped millions of people find their soulmate, written multiple books, and frequently appeared on TV programs to help the nation find love. Being born into a world where she wasn’t part of a loving family to finding and marrying her soulmate of 35 years, Dr. Diana is definitely someone to admire.
She attributes her healthy relationship to all the techniques that she uses in her newly re-released book, Love in 90 Days. These methods include falling deeply in love with yourself, mindful talking and listening exercises with your partner, and being intimate regularly. It’s about restoring our confidence and feeling so comfortable with who you are that your partner never wants to let you go.
In this episode, we’re talking about the rule of three and why you need to apply it to every aspect of your dating life. We share how to find the essence of who you are and the importance of renaming yourself. And, maybe most importantly, how you can live with love in your life every single day.
I share that after my divorce in 2010, a phrase I felt connected to was “I can’t go back, but I could have stayed in.” Dr. Diana explained to me why this type of thinking is counterproductive to healing after a divorce. And on top of this, why you should be on the lookout for an upgraded model of your ex, a “Jim+”, so to speak.
Have you recently gone through a divorce or breakup that’s left you reeling? Are you in love with yourself? How do you prioritize sex in your relationship?
In This Episode:
- What the Rule of Three is and why it’s important to follow this when you first start dating
- How you can learn who the essential YOU is and rename her
- How you can rely on the same inner confidence you’ve had since you were a teenager
- What the 8 habits of living love are
- Why you should always prioritize sex with your partner
- How you can practice listening to your partner for a healthier relationship
- Where you can search for a new relationship
Subscribe to Couch Talk w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca on Youtube
Quotes:
“So even if you're 63, you are feeling like you're 18! You are programming yourself to be the Vivacious Vixen, right? You are dressing that, you are playing with that, and it works! It really, really, really works. And so what happens is you get all the wisdom of your age, but you also get all the youth and vitality which makes you unstoppable.” (9:30)
“The friendship is the basis of the whole thing. And if you're alienated, you don't know what's going on with each other. So you don't have the friendship. So you want to really make the friendship happen. And you don't know, so you need to hear. You really need to hear.” (17:19)
“There are a number of proven ways to heal heartbreak. Heartbreak actually causes pain in the physical part of the brain that registers physical pain. Like if someone punches you, that same part of the brain registers heartbreak. That's why it's so horrible.” (23:06)
Links
Buy Love In 90 Days and get $1000 in Freebies
Find Dr. Diana Kirschner Online
Follow Dr. Diana on Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Transcript
There are a number of proven ways to heal heartbreak.
Heartbreak actually causes a pain in the physical part of the brain that registers physical pain. Like if someone punches you, that same part of the brain registers heartbreak. That's why it's so horrible.
And the beauty of it is that you can release natural opioids that soothe the brain by a very simple thing, which is going to a very loving friend and crying your heart out and having them comfort you and hug you. That has been shown in research to release these opioids so that you're feeling better.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Hello everyone and welcome to Couch Talk. I want to introduce my next guest to you and this is someone I have held dear to my heart. She's an amazing woman. She's a clinical psychologist, and she has been in the love space for decades. For absolutely decades.
Through her personal journey trials and tribulations and many sacrifices and many years of research. She worked through her own trials and tribulations to discover the process to really creating love.
And her book, Love In 90 Days, is being re-released. It’s been such a great book. So we see the new edition of Love In 90 Days coming out. And my guest Dr. Diana Kirschner who is joining me today.
So I want you to be sure to listen to this and share this episode. Take notes. You want to be ready for the gems and the pearls that she shares in this and that we discussed. Open, honest, authentic communication y'all. So enjoy.
Welcome Diana. It's so great to have you here with me again!
I've interviewed you before and I've just love, love love talking with you and sharing your wisdom with my community. Welcome back.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Thank you so much. I admire everything you're doing so much, especially what you're creating lately. It's amazing.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
We're in this together, right? We have to get our hormones fixed, get our relationships fixed, get this love going.
Well, I tell you, I'm super excited to share your book. I read your book. When did it first come out? Diana? Because it feels like it was like 2008.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
- 2010. Yeah, yeah, the hardcover or paperback.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love it.
And for my listeners, Diana was part of my sexual CPR program. She was one of our guest bonuses and we definitely talked about how we can heal and open communication in relationships.
So I want to dig right in and go into now you're re-releasing your book Love In 90 Days.
First, tell us a little bit about your backstory. Why you wrote the book and now, again, this big push to release it.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Well, I'll tell you, you know, of course, just like many other people, I really didn't have love in my life when I was born. I was the fifth daughter born to a Sicilian family that only wanted boys.
So when I was born, my father said, “Another girl? I don't want to come to the hospital, I don't want to see her.” And he essentially only so “I love you” once and he was actually drinking... I mean he did the best he could, but you know, I grew up really, really not feeling loved, not feeling like I even belonged here.
And I went on a search, you know, I was getting dumped and hurt so much in love. I mean, I was trying to get crumbs and chasing the ones who didn't want me and all that stuff.
And finally, I reached the bottom, I really reached the bottom and I started studying everything about love and, lo and behold, I wound up getting a PhD in clinical psychology and wound up meeting and marrying my amazing soulmate who I'm still amazingly enough totally in love with, actually it's better than it's ever been.
My work is really about paying it forward. It really is because, you know, if I can do this, anybody can do this, you know?
Dr. Anna Cabeca
And that's what I've loved about you because you have that really generous spirit. And, you know, with generosity I always think the hormone oxytocins and it's really important. You said many huge things, when we talk about that early childhood - that's when we, you know, that nurturing hormone oxytocin is really so important, because it leaves us searching and devoid and we end up sometimes participating in like what I call oxytocin seeking behaviors. like with the next love, the next fix, the next, you know, the next.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, I love that. That's exactly what's going on!
And then we get stuck with guys who are bad for us because the oxytocin is so powerful and it rules. And just the touch, just, as you know very well, that eye contact, the touch - BOOM! - you're tied to that person, right? Whether they’re good for you or not, but biology ties you to the person.
You know, that's why I talked about: you want to date casually, want to date people slowly, three people at the same time, no intercourse because that - BOOM - sets the oxytocin bomb off, right?
Mm hmm.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Now, I have to tell you a funny story, Diana, because that rule of threes that you have: you know, date, you know, three, get to know someone three dates, date, you know, three people at the same time, so you're not committing, you're keeping a healthy boundary, a healthy distance, just like having lunch, getting to know each other, right? Having fun activities.
And I told one of my daughters and she was just dating, maybe 19 or 20. And I was talking to her about that, the rule of threes, and lo behold, one day I see her and she's like, she has two boyfriends that are helping her do something in the house at the same time. I'm like, “Ah, maybe that's not the way you want to do it!”
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Man. She really gets carried away with it!
Dr. Anna Cabeca
So we laugh about that still! I'm like, “No! Not at the same time! Not at the same date time. No, no.” Lesson learned!
Dr. Diana Kirschner
It's a miracle she listened to you!
Dr. Anna CAbeca
Literally! I'm very careful now.
I love that. And you said another really powerful thing that sometimes we end up just collecting crumbs. Can you talk about that a little bit more?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely.
Especially as we get older and, you know, postmenopausal, you start feeling that ageism that is ridiculous in this culture. The ageism is ridiculous.
Where older women are marginalized, you know, and there's all these messages that they can't compete, etc, etc, etc.
Well out of that, of course, they start having romance with someone and they figure it’s the best they can do. It's like the very best I can do after all, I’m this age. I'm 55 now. I mean, you can forget it right, or whatever age you are, because you can say that to yourself at any age.
But that means that you start settling. You start settling for just a little bit of time. You start settling because he's not really available, you know, when you need them to be available. You are alone on holidays, you're settling for whatever date you can get and whatever attention you can get, and that's the crumbs.
I call that the “crumbs deadly dating pattern” and the real reality is that there are so many other choices now.
And as you well know, women can youthify. They can youthify. They can become younger and better than younger women.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Let's talk about that, Diana. Let's talk about the pearls and how you guide women in that. Because Diana's been, like, working with relationships. You know that she's had dating coaches under her, thousands that have worked with women.
So, like, the expertise of Dr. Diana Kirschner is just amazing. So just to place that too, I'm like writing notes quickly here. Go ahead.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yeah, we work with 10s of thousands of women all over the world. 10s of thousands. And let me tell you something, you know, you can take and move into a youthified beautiful, diamond self version of yourself.
And of course, it all starts with the physical, of course, with Dr. Anna’s doing. But then you go into the psychological and you create what we call the “diamond self identity”.
And this is a deliberately created identity that is you, the essence of you, but the best you you can possibly be. And you get to name yourself, right?
So we have, you know, women naming themselves Beloved Mighty ISIS, Vivacious Vixen, Saucy Minx. Right? Goddess of Irresistible Love and Light.
You know, whatever actually calls to you, whatever calls to you, as you do this kind of work, as the women, so many women that we work with have done this kind of work.
What happens is that you are rewiring your brain, you're rewiring the neural network that actually represents you.
And so this becomes reality. Right?
So even if you're 63, you are feeling like you're 18! You are programming yourself to be the Vivacious Vixen, right? You are dressing that, you are playing with that, and it works! It really, really, really works.
And so what happens is you get all the wisdom of your age, but you also get all the youth and vitality which makes you unstoppable.
You know, my screensaver for the longest time was one of the women in our program, and she was riding bear back on this horse, and she had all these beautiful draped clothing, you know, kind of flowing behind her. And she just looked like a totally young goddess. And she was in a phenomenal relationship with this guy who was just taking care of her and I think he actually bought her this horse! But that became my screensaver.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Wow.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes. Because of that whole business of marrying your inner, endless fountain of youth. And believe me, it it is an endless fountain of youth. That real consciousness that is you you know, to the wisdom of everything you've been through which makes you become manifest as the real goddess you are.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love that it. For me, I get that visual, I love the visual of the woman riding horseback and just that freedom. We’re a horse family here, so that definitely resonates with me.
And then, also and next. It's bold, it's confident, it's brave, right? All those things that really embody women.
And then the other thing is just really restoring our confidence. It's like plugging ourselves in, recharging us. Because our spiritual energy never dies. Right?
That is really key and we need to keep recharging that! And thoughts are powerful electricity, thoughts are a powerful charge. And so as we keep reinforcing that on our self, that's important.
We need to wipe away the negativisms. Wipe away the self doubts, wipe away the lies, the scars on us that have been told to us, or we've told to ourselves.
Dr. Diana Kreschner
Yes, and the betrayals!
Once you're postmenopausal. You've been through it, we've all been through it, you know, the losses, their hurts, the betrayals, you know, we've all been through it. So you know, it's just building beyond that.
And if you feel into your sense of self, there's a part of you that has never changed.
Your inner consciousness, even when you were a teenager, was the same as it is right now. I don't care what age you are right now. But the inner consciousness never changes.
And that's the real spirit of you.
And the whole body is affected by you accessing that and manifesting, allowing that to recharge and reinvigorate you.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love that. I love that.
And so I want to talk about again in two scenarios.
So the first scenario being that couple who the women's in her mid 30s, maybe they're married around 10-15 years, and they're starting to have a lot of disconnect there. You know, there's some hormone changes going on. There's lifestyle, raising kids, kids in the household, you know, and all of a sudden, they find that they're not talking to each other. They're just coexisting and not getting along.
How do you read connect a relationship when it's going through that? Hormonally, I'm always big on that: let's get you detoxed and get you on progesterone, let's get you on some mighty maca.
Let's work on this from the nutritional aspect, restore the physical. But then there's the relational.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yeah, that's why I have a whole chapter in Love In 90 Days on the eight habits of living love, because these are the habits that healthy couples have.
Now, when this begins to happen, one of the keys is about sharing intimacy. Now, what that has to do with, is not letting the date night or the sex fall to the bottom of the to-do list. Because when you're in that situation, it all falls to the bottom of the to-do list.
You got the kids, you got the work, you got everything else that's on your plate, and it falls to the bottom of the to-do list.
Well, this is very dangerous to have it fall to the bottom. You want one going out date and one going in date every week.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love it, I love it! Going out date, going in date, and again, intimacy, oxytocin, the connector!
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes and the going in date is about a sexual encounter.
You know, it's not just waiting for it to happen. It's, you know, not thinking, “Oh, well, he's going to initiate or whatever.” It's actually setting the stage for a romantic encounter. And, what I like in a married couple, and this is what I talked about, is to continue to have an affair with your spouse.
I live by that. I live by that. You know, people look at me and Sam. They're like, “Oh my God, you're married for decades. And you’re canoodling in the elevator!” You know that we're in this building and a concierge says, “What are you two doing!?”
Well, we’re canoodling right? Because I want to continue to have an affair with them. I want to have an affair and if I was having an affair with him, I would be canoodling him in the elevator you know?
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Right.
So, Diana, when couples are passed, they're like, man, they can't even see themselves doing that, you know, re-initiating that intimacy at this point. It's so foreign to them and they need to begin bridging the conversation. “Look, we're having issues, but you know we need to reconnect.”
One thing that I've talked with so many of my clients, you know, I'm post divorce now since 2010, and it's that concept of: I can’t go back, but I could have stayed in had I known all of this that we teach now, right? Had I known everything you teach, everything I teach, you know, it makes a difference.
We heal our physiology, heal our relationship, start the conversation.
So have you heard that as well? Like I can't like, my phrase was, “I can't go back, but I could have stayed in.”
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, of course. We do hear that with a lot of women.
And that thinking has to be ended because it's a thought that actually hurts you. It's a thought that hurts you, right?
So, these thoughts can really be causing suffering. And the reality of it is that you've learned a tremendous amount. And you can totally go forward into what you had, plus.
I actually like to use the ex’s name and use plus. So you're going, let's say your ex was Jim, you're married to Jim, you're going to Jim+. Jim+. Right?
So Jim had some workable things. Jim had some wonderful things, let's say. Jim+ is going to have it all.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I hear you, I hear you. So. But when you're in that stage, and it's like that verge of divorce, that concept of like doing what you can to stay in and make it work and have fun again, and bring that in.
So sexual intimacy is one of those. And what’s the conversation that a woman or a man should initiate with their spouse.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Well, I like this really powerful exercise that we call the “10 Minute Listening Sessions.”
And what you do is you make an arrangement with your spouse to actually spend 10 minutes just listening, like a reflective therapist would, for 10 minutes while they talk and say whatever comes to mind. And then you reverse and you get to talk and say, whatever comes to mind, while they just listen.
This helps to establish the friendship. You see, the friendship is the basis of the whole thing. And if you're alienated, you don't know what's going on with each other. So you don't have the friendship.
So you want to really make the friendship happen. And you don't know, so you need to hear. You really need to hear.
So hopefully, if your partner would be willing to do that, you know, you do these “10 Minute Listening Sessions.”
And I do this with my husband. We do “10 Minute Listening Sessions.” And if something's up, you know, where I have to talk about something. I say, “Can I have a Listening Session?”
You know, and he knows that it's just listening and reflecting. It's like, almost like you're a therapist, like “uh-huh. So you're feeling sad about this? Are you feeling like you need more attention.”
And sometimes we even talk about it in the third person like I, you know, I really love my husband and I sometimes wish he would give me more attention.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I think that might be easier sometimes to do it in the third person initially.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yeah, you could.
You know, you really want to avoid the [bickering back and forth]. This is a reflective time of just sharing, right?
So, that actually opens up understanding. So you have this understanding and you're coming together, which is actually quite magical. I mean, it really is quite magical.
We've brought couples back from the brink of divorce with just this exercise alone.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Powerful.
So all these tools and you have this tool also in your book, your Love In 90 Days.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes. It's the last chapter on the habits of living love.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love that. And so now what about the woman now in her 50s who is looking for that “plus,” right that one plus. What are you finding in dating and looking for a mate and being very clear of who you want that mate to be?
I know you go through that in the book. That you have a series of steps like getting clear, first, who you are, and your magnificence. And then who he is, and their magnificence?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely, yes. And then, you know, here's the amazing news is, I mean, I call it now the Age of Abundant Love. Because there's so many ways to meet up. We love it online. And with apps. There are actually 200 million people dating every month online and through apps!
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I'm overwhelmed just by hearing that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
One out of every three marriages in America now starts online. And those marriages are happier and they last longer.
Now why? Because the matching is better. In other words, you can find someone who really fits you like a glove.
This is the great news. This is really the great news.
So you want to use a large online dating site like Match, I happen to like Match. I'm not affiliated with it, it's just I see a lot of data. And then a smaller, either an app - you could use Tinder, or smaller online site like JDate or Christian Mingle or something that's more boutique.
And you put out a beautiful picture of red. I always wear red because that's a role model. Because men rate women wearing red is more beautiful. You also want to smile and look into the camera with your eyes with your diamond self coming through. Men rate women as more beautiful that way.
And then in your profile, you lead with what men really want, which is warmth.
They want people feel at ease with me. People enjoy being with me. They say my laugh is contagious, right?
I mean it's all true. You're gonna say true stuff, but it's true stuff that invites men.
Men marry women, they say, you ask them why did you marry someone? They said because I feel good around her. Not because she's young, not because she's a size eight, no they don't say that.
They say I married her because I feel good around her, you know?
That's the beautiful electromagnetic charge of your heart, you know, Dr. Anna that the heart is the biggest electromagnetic field, right? And you have that. You guys all have that. And you even put that out there kind of online.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Authenticity, right? Authenticity, not transparency.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, authenticity.
And then ending with a vision of what you're up to.
I'm creating an amazing, committed, lasting love relationship filled with adventures big and small. Right?
What are you up to creating? What is your loving intention? Put it in the bottom of the profile. If this resonates contact me, right?
So you're pulling with attraction, you're opening your heart. You know, you're working almost energetically you might say, but you're using technology and you're being smart about it.
So, you really optimize your potential to meet just that perfect match. Just that perfect match. Who's there! There. Absolutely there for you.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Right. There's no shortage of supply. Is that what I'm hearing you say?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely not. There are tons of guys.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
So we can't use that excuse, right? No matter what our ages.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Exactly!
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I tell you. Oh my goodness. Okay. I want to ask you because I know in your book, too, you talk about how you heal heartbreak because like you said, you know, by the time were looking for love, and we're like, “Okay, I'm serious. I want to find love. I want to heal heartbreak and not repeat the pattern.”
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, yes, yes!
There are a number of proven ways to heal heartbreak. Heartbreak actually causes a pain in the physical part of the brain that registers physical pain. Like if someone punches you, that same part of the brain registers heartbreak. That's why it's so horrible.
And the beauty of it is that you can release natural opioids that soothe the brain by a very simple thing, which is going to a very loving friend and crying your heart out and having them comfort you and hug you.
That has been shown in research to release these opioids so that you're feeling better. Any kind of spiritual practice can be extremely helpful. Prayer, meditation, immersing yourself in nature, extremely helpful.
Filling your calendar with activities and not isolating. You know, we tend to isolate when we're in heartbreak. We want to lay on the couch and eat ice cream and watch movies or whatever.
And isolation is very difficult. It will get you further into heartbreak and further into thinking about what went wrong.
Make sure you’re with people. Fill your calendar, go to dinner with your aunt, go out to some kind of book club, go spend five minutes at the gym at least, you know.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I couldn't agree more.
We tend to isolate when we're hurting, right, and that's exactly the opposite of what we should be doing. No matter what put ourselves back out, communicate friendship time, just be open and honest about what you're going through, too, because you’re not alone. And that's important to recognize as well.
So, I love that you said that because so many times, you know, I hear, “well I just need to be alone, I just need to be alone.”
Well, we still need a certain amount of alone but what's healing is that community.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely. We are wired for that. We're wired for contact. are wired to be together, really, at such a profound level.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
So with that, Diana, now for women and/or men, just right now being ready to open themselves up to love or find that new love relationship, what strategies do you have around that now?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Well, you know, it's important to be the change you want to see in your life. So actually going around and smiling and saying hello to everyone you meet is a very powerful thing to do.
Also going to what I call “men-tastic” or “woman-tastic” activities.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I remember that in your book.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, investing, wine tasting, cigar tasting. Something that has lots of guys in it that you enjoy. So you're going to be ready and happy and you have lots to talk about with these people. And you'll be surprised who you meet there. It's great.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
So our audio skipped out a minute there, so I just want to just repeat what you said: Go to “men-tastic” events. Can you repeat that?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes. Yeah. No, it's it's really great to go to “men-tastic” events and these are events that you really love and enjoy that you're interested in, that have lots of men in them.
So for example, you might go into a course on artificial intelligence or a triathlon training or a hiking, dancing classes that have men in them, wine tasting, you know.
We had one woman in our coaching program, she met two fabulous guys at a very high end wine tasting event. She's now in deeply in love with one of them, they're traveling the world… but they had that in common. They met and they were really enjoying the wines and they got to discussing it and they totally hit it off.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
So spontaneous, outside of being locked in front of a computer, there's hope. I like that. I'm all for that. I feel overwhelmed at the computer.
So in your book, what's it like one pearl, you've been married for how many years now?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
We've been married for over 35 years.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Over 35 years, that’s amazing.
I want to ask you a personal question, if I may.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
One time, I was in my medical practice and a woman came in and she said, “You know, Dr. Anna, it's my 50th wedding anniversary.” And I was like, “Wow, man, 50 years, I was getting, like, getting ready to celebrate my 10th.” And I'm like, “how have you done it?”
And she said to me, she said, “You know, there are good years and bad years.”
So I want to ask you in 35 years, have you had good years and bad years or how have you circumvented that, or how would you recommend we circumvent that?
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely. We've had good years and bad years. We've had years where we were totally into workaholism, and really having a hard time getting together for our date night and our you know, intimate time and everything.
We've had all kinds of issues. We had a child that died at birth, yeah, we had a child that died right after birth, which was extremely traumatic and threw us into depression.
You know, we've been through a lot of different things, but we always made it a rule to come back into each other, to keep joining back in, to keep talking, and to keep having sex!
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I’m with you on that one, yes!
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Sex is the bonding. Sex, great sex, is the glue. Honestly, it's never been better.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
See? That is awesome. I'm so happy to hear that.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
That's the honest truth. People say to me, why are you laughing and smiling all the time?
Dr. Anna Cabeca
See? Okay, I want everyone just to listen to that and absorb that. That's huge amounts of oxytocin just pouring forth.
And one thing I always tell clients, I have clients now, you know, I hear a lot of great stories because of Julva, then being able to re-initiate sex and intimacy and what that means to them in their lives and their their connection and their joy, right?
And it's that sense that sometimes we're struggling and we feel the many things that again, the lies that come on to us, unattractive, unable to enjoy it, or having discomfort, that we've got to heal from all that. And there are ways, there are methods, now, to do that.
So I think that's huge because, I have client and she's 67, she goes once a week, her second husband have sex and that she attributes that, whether it' just playful touching, massage, intimacy, kissing, cuddling, connecting. And she attributes their love, their continued growth and development of their relationship to that practice.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yes, it comes right back to the oxytocin, right? You want to keep getting that bond and the oxytocin makes you feel good.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Yes. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I hear you.
Yeah, one thing that, you know, I always tell clients, you know, physiology drives behavior. So we can shift our behavior to improve our physiology as well. And that's exactly what you're describing here.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely. It’s a beautiful cycle, so that you want to feel the physiology uplifted and then have the behavior. And it's a beautiful upregulating cycle, right, you want to keep that going and I really believe you can actually keep that going till the end.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love it and I want to ask you.
Is there any any one of us women that you cannot help? That cannot be helped, that cannot find true love, find their soulmate.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
It's a matter of a little willingness. If there is a little willingness, anyone can be helped. But there has to be a little willingness, not even much willingness!
A little willingness to work on it, just a little bit, then you're there. You will get there as long as you don't give up and quit before the miracle, you will get there.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Yes, yes. And I tell you, I've read your, you know, man, I love your book Love In 90 Days. I really encouraged by everyone in my audience to read it. I know you've got some great bonuses also with that book and we'll put all these links in the show notes too, so that our listeners can get them.
I want to say and let me actually just give that link right now. It's lovein90days.com
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Just go to lovein90days.com. And at the top, you'll see $1,000 Book Bonus, and just click on that at the top tab. And then you'll see the little form to fill it out. And it's very exciting.
We have $1,000 for anyone who purchases the book right now. And I think it's only like $12.75 or something on Amazon.
And so we have these amazing bonuses from all these leading experts, you know, who are just celebrating with me, essentially, all kinds of special reports and free sessions.
It's actually over $1,000 which is amazing.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Yes, excited about that. And this is a good book, just pearls, whether you're in a relationship or not, this is information you want to do.
Because we want to have the best relationship with ourselves and Diana, from all your, you know, everything that I've read from you, that's where you start, like, let's have a good relationship with ourselves.
And that's a really important place to start. Because that's endless, and the precious soul that we are, like you said, that teenager, that inner spirit, that inner energy, it's still there. It's still there, and it's good. It's good.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Absolutely. I guarantee it's there, even if you're not feeling it right this second, it is there. It is there at the heart, it is there the core, it is there where you can access it and you can rely on it.
And when it comes forth, miracles happen. Honestly, a little willingness, you access that. Miracles happen in your life.
I've seen it over and over again. It's better than people even ever imagined.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
Yes, yes. Oh my gosh, this reminds me a funny story.
So when I first read the Love In 90 Days and when I was ready to start dating again. And I did what you said, you know, wrote the strategy of who that person is. And seriously, everything was there in this person that I was dating.
However, I forgot two things. You want to be careful not to emit things that are important to you, for example, faithfulness and fidelity. Two very important things were not on my list.
They're on my list from now on.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Yeah. That's how we learn. That's how we all learn. That's how we all learn.
Jim+ or Ed+. That's where we're going.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I’m with you. I'm with you.
All right, Love In 90 Days. Dr. Diana Kirschner, and I'm really excited. Thank you so much for being on the show. Any other closing words you want to share? I mean, I can talk with you all day, Diana, come visit me.
Dr. Diana Kirschner
I can talk with with you all day. Oh my goodness. Anyway. Yeah. I mean, you know a little willingness will take you all the way, so definitely go for it. And you're worth it, you deserve it and lots of love. I can't wait for you to get exactly what you dream up and more.
Dr. Anna Cabeca
I love that. Thank you so much.
And you're on social media at Dr. Diana, so we'll find you there, too, and I encourage our listeners lovein90days.com, check out Dr. Diana's book, and also, guys, everyone needs to listen to this podcast.
So please share it. And if you're listening through iTunes or whatever platform, please give us a review and I look forward to seeing you on our next show.
Thank you all.
