For too long, women have been told—explicitly or implicitly—that discomfort, dryness, and loss of desire are just part of aging.
But as I often say: menopause is natural—suffering is optional.
In this powerful episode of The Girlfriend Doctor Show, I sat down with my dear colleague Dr. Maria Sophocles, an internationally respected gynecologist and menopause expert with over 30 years of clinical experience, to talk honestly about what so many women experience but few are taught to name: the bedroom gap.
This conversation is about reclaiming pleasure, restoring vaginal and vulvar health, and ending the silence around female sexual function—at any age.
What Is the “Bedroom Gap”?
Dr. Sophocles coined the term The Bedroom Gap to describe the widening divide between men’s and women’s sexual experiences—especially in midlife and beyond.
While men have dozens of FDA-approved treatments for sexual function, women have historically been left with shame, dismissal, or the message that pain and loss of desire are “normal.”
They’re not.
The bedroom gap is shaped by:
Hormonal changes (loss of estrogen, testosterone, and DHEA)
Pain with intimacy (often unrecognized vulvar or vestibular issues)
Cultural conditioning and sex-negative messaging
Lack of education—both for patients and physicians
Vaginal Atrophy Is Not Inevitable—and It’s Treatable
One of the most important takeaways from this episode is simple but revolutionary:
If sex hurts, your body will subconsciously avoid it.
Vaginal and vulvar tissues are hormone-responsive. When estrogen and androgens decline, tissues thin, blood flow decreases, lubrication drops, and pleasure receptors become less responsive.
But there are solutions:
Vaginal estrogen (creams, tablets, rings)
Topical DHEA and testosterone for the vulva and vestibule
Thoughtful vulvar skincare (yes—the vulva deserves care too)
Advanced regenerative therapies when appropriate
Pain is not something to “push through.” It’s a signal asking for support.
Why the Vulva Matters More Than We Were Ever Taught
In medical training, the vulva has long been overlooked—despite being one of the most nerve-dense, pleasure-oriented anatomical regions in the body.
Dr. Sophocles beautifully explains:
The labia and clitoris are active sexual organs, not just “anatomy”
The clitoris is largely internal and comparable in size to the penis
Loss of estrogen and testosterone affects sensation, not just comfort
Understanding your own anatomy—literally looking with a mirror—is a powerful first step toward healing and pleasure.
Communication Is Lubrication
One of my favorite lines from this episode:
“Communication is lubrication.”
Many couples haven’t talked about sex in decades—yet expect intimacy to magically stay alive. Reconnection begins with:
Low-pressure conversations (walking side-by-side helps!)
Starting with what does feel good
Letting go of judgment—of your partner and yourself
Remembering that intimacy doesn’t have to start with intercourse
Sometimes the spark returns through presence, safety, and curiosity—not performance.
Libido, Hormones, and the Brain–Body Connection
Desire isn’t just physical—it’s neurological, emotional, and relational.
As we age:
Blood flow to the clitoris can decrease
Pleasure nerves may diminish
Stress and self-criticism interfere with arousal
Thoughtful use of topical androgens, mindfulness, sensual rituals, and even “staycation intimacy” can dramatically restore responsiveness.
And remember: you cannot heal a body you hate.
Self-compassion is not optional—it’s therapeutic.
About Dr. Maria Sophocles
Dr. Maria Sophocles is a board-certified OB/GYN, certified menopause practitioner, and Fellow of ISSWSH and ISSVD. She is the founder of Women’s Healthcare of Princeton and The Thinking Woman, a virtual consultation practice serving women worldwide.
Her new book, The Bedroom Gap, releases February 10, just in time for Valentine’s Day—and is a must-read for any woman who wants to reclaim pleasure, confidence, and agency in her body.
Final Takeaway
- Pleasure is not frivolous.
- It’s not selfish.
- And it is absolutely part of whole-woman health.
- Bridging the bedroom gap begins with awareness, education, and compassion—for yourself and your partner.
🎧 Listen to the full episode:
E259: Don’t Let Atrophy “Down There” Steal Your Right to Pleasure on The Girlfriend Doctor Show
🎧 Listen on: Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube
📘 Learn more:
- Visit mariasophoclesmd.com
- Pre-order The Bedroom Gap wherever books are sold
And as always, explore more empowering resources at dranna.com.
Stay healthy. Stay sane. Stay sexy. 💗
* The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare professional before starting any supplement program.
