Key Topics & Timestamps
- 00:00 – 02:00: Introduction to women’s health & integrative approach
- 37:55 – 40:30: Personal story of grief, loss, and trauma
- 40:30 – 42:00: The cortisol–oxytocin connection
- 42:00 – 45:00: Reframing grief through joy
- 45:00 – 48:00: Navigating Mother’s Day emotions
- 48:00 – 51:00: Practical ways to increase oxytocin
- 51:00 – 54:00: Intimacy, pain, and hormonal balance
- 54:00 – 58:00: Healing through connection, community, and self-care
- 58:00+: Empowerment, reflection, and next steps
Introduction: The Hormone That Changes Everything
As a triple board-certified OB-GYN and integrative physician, I’ve spent decades studying hormones. But there is one hormone that stands apart—not just for physical health, but for emotional healing, resilience, and connection.
That hormone is oxytocin.
You may know it as the “love hormone,” but I call it something more powerful: the antidote to stress, grief, and disconnection.
In this article, I want to take you deeper—beyond biology—into how oxytocin shapes our experience of grief, joy, healing, and ultimately, how we live our lives.
My Personal Journey Through Grief and Loss
Mother’s Day hasn’t always been easy for me.
When my mother passed away at just 67, I was a young mother myself. I felt alone in a way I had never experienced before. Then, years later, I lost my son tragically. That loss reshaped my identity—not just as a mother, but as a woman.
Grief has a way of doing that. It shakes your foundation.
For years, I pushed forward—building my medical career, raising my children, serving others. On the outside, everything looked fine. But internally, I was carrying unresolved trauma.
I later recognized it as chronic cortisol activation—a stress response that never truly turned off.
And that’s where my deeper understanding began.
The Cortisol–Oxytocin Connection
When we experience trauma, loss, or chronic stress, our bodies shift into survival mode.
Cortisol—the stress hormone—dominates.
- It increases inflammation
- Disrupts sleep
- Impacts hormones
- Affects mood and cognition
But here’s what changed everything for me:
Oxytocin is cortisol’s natural counterbalance.
Where cortisol creates fear, tension, and isolation…
Oxytocin creates connection, safety, and healing.
This isn’t just emotional—it’s physiological.
When oxytocin rises:
- Inflammation decreases
- Immune function improves
- The nervous system calms
- Emotional resilience increases
That’s why I shifted my entire approach.
Instead of just “managing stress,” I began asking:
How can I increase oxytocin?
Reframing Grief: The Link Between Joy and Sorrow
One of the most profound insights that helped me came from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet.
He writes that our sorrow is carved from the depth of our joy.
That means:
- The deeper the love, the deeper the grief
- The pain we feel reflects the joy we once experienced
This changed everything for me.
Instead of resisting grief, I began reframing it:
- When sorrow came, I looked for the joy beneath it
- When pain surfaced, I honored the love it represented
This doesn’t eliminate grief—but it transforms it.
Why We Must Talk About Emotional Health (Especially in Midlife)
I see so many women in my practice struggling silently with:
- Grief
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Identity shifts
And menopause often amplifies these experiences.
But here’s the truth:
Menopause is not the time to shut down—it’s the time to open up.
This is your opportunity to:
- Heal old wounds
- Reconnect with yourself
- Rediscover joy and purpose
Suppressing emotions increases cortisol.
Expressing them creates space for oxytocin.
How to Increase Oxytocin Naturally
The most empowering part?
Your body already knows how to produce oxytocin.
You just need to activate it.
Here are some of my favorite ways:
1. Physical Touch
- Hugs
- Kisses
- Massage
- Even a simple hand on your heart
2. Connection
- Meaningful conversations
- Time with friends
- Community and belonging
3. Play and Joy
- Dancing
- Singing
- Laughing
- Being silly
I call these “oxytocin snacks”—small moments throughout the day that shift your physiology.
4. Nature
- Walking outdoors
- Gardening
- Being with animals
My horses have been some of my greatest healers.
5. Gratitude and Spiritual Practice
- Prayer
- Meditation
- Journaling
Gratitude alone can shift your entire hormonal state.
6. Intimacy and Pleasure
- Emotional intimacy
- Physical intimacy
- Even self-pleasure
These are powerful oxytocin activators.
When Pleasure Becomes Pain: Addressing Intimacy Issues
Many women tell me:
“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
“Intimacy is uncomfortable.”
“I’ve lost that connection.”
This is often due to:
- Hormonal changes
- Vaginal dryness
- Pelvic floor issues
- Past trauma
Pain during intimacy is not something you should ignore.
It affects:
- Relationships
- Self-esteem
- Hormonal balance
And yes—it reduces oxytocin.
Addressing these issues through:
- Hormonal support
- Pelvic floor therapy
- Proper lubrication
- Medical evaluation
…can be life-changing.
The Role of Oxytocin in Healing Trauma
Oxytocin doesn’t just make you feel good—it rebuilds safety in your body.
After trauma, the body often stays in a hypervigilant state.
Oxytocin helps:
- Regulate the nervous system
- Restore trust
- Improve emotional regulation
This is why connection is so important.
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation.
Mother’s Day, Identity, and Emotional Complexity
Mother’s Day can bring up a wide range of emotions:
- Joy
- Gratitude
- Grief
- Loneliness
- Conflict
You may have:
- Lost your mother
- Lost a child
- Had a difficult relationship
- Felt overlooked
All of these experiences are valid.
For me, Mother’s Day is bittersweet.
But I’ve learned to:
- Honor my emotions
- Create space for reflection
- Focus on love where it exists
The Power of “Let Them” and “Let Me”
One concept that resonated deeply with me is this:
- Let them: Allow others to be who they are
- Let me: Choose how I respond and care for myself
This shift gives you power.
Instead of waiting for others to meet your needs, you begin to:
- Advocate for yourself
- Create meaningful experiences
- Build the life you want
Healing Requires Action
Healing isn’t passive.
It requires:
- Awareness
- Intention
- Consistent action
Faith alone isn’t enough.
You must act on it.
Ask yourself:
- What do I need right now?
- What brings me joy?
- What do I need to release?
Then take one small step.
Your Invitation to Heal
If there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this:
You are not alone—and you are not powerless.
Your body has an incredible capacity to heal.
By:
- Reducing stress
- Increasing oxytocin
- Nurturing connection
You can transform not just your health—but your entire life.
Listen to the Full Podcast Episode
This article only scratches the surface.
In the full episode, I go deeper into:
- The science of oxytocin
- My personal healing journey
- Practical tools you can start today
🎧 I invite you to listen and continue this journey with me.
Listen On: YouTube | Apple Podcast
Q&A:
Q: What hormone helps with grief and healing?
A: Oxytocin plays a key role in emotional healing by counteracting stress hormones like cortisol and promoting connection and calm.
Q: How can I naturally increase oxytocin?
A: Through touch, connection, laughter, nature, gratitude, and intimacy—even small daily moments can boost oxytocin.
Q: Why does grief feel so intense?
A: Grief reflects the depth of love and joy you experienced—it’s emotionally and hormonally connected.
Q: Can hormones affect emotional health during menopause?
A: Yes. Hormonal changes can increase stress and emotional sensitivity, making oxytocin support even more important.
Q: What’s the fastest way to feel better emotionally?
A: Engage in an “oxytocin activity”—call a friend, take a walk, hug someone, or do something that brings you joy.
