Let’s talk libido. Exactly what is “libido” anyway?
Originally, the word comes from the Latin term libido which means “desire” or “lust.” Which is pretty accurate. But with the science of sexual health advancing rapidly and talked about more than ever, I’ve got my own definition. It can be neatly defined in the following easy-to-remember acronym:
With a busy life, one of the things that slips down to the bottom of the list is sex, and it can easily become something that turns into more of a pressure than a pleasure. Add to that the issue of age. Too often age-related physical changes can lead to a hum-drum sex life or no sex life at all.
Having satisfying sex is an important part of life no matter how old you are or how chaotic your life. Address L-I-B-I-D-O, and you’ll have satisfying, amazing sex, no matter what your age. These “secrets” to great sex will get the spark sizzling again, trust me.
With hormone decline, hormone disruption, menopause and natural aging, your vagina slows down production of its normal, healthy secretions. You get dry down there, and often it’s difficult or painful to have intercourse. But once you take action to resolve dryness, you’ll feel sexually reborn and your libido will return.
For starters, avoid chemical-laden personal care products such as bubble baths, perfumed soaps, fragrances, feminine wash, and personal lubricants. These can all be very irritating. They may cause allergic reactions and may even expose you to nasty hormone-disrupting chemicals that upset your hormone balance (which is key to a healthy sex life).
Try natural lubricant solutions, including organic coconut oil, Ayurvedic ghee (ghee infused with certain herbs), or an organic lubricant. These do not contain the additional chemicals but offer satisfactory moisturizing benefits.
I formulated a topical anti-aging vulvar cream called Julva® that helps resolve vaginal dryness. It contains the hormone DHEA and other quality natural ingredients shown to be beneficial to the skin and its underlying tissues. Those key ingredients include alpine rose stem cells, emu oil, vitamin E, coconut oil, and shea butter. This combination works better than anything else I have ever tried or prescribed for vaginal dryness.
This means spending affectionate time together with your lover, from date nights to home together doing nothing special except kissing, hugging, holding hands, sipping a glass of wine, or cuddling on the couch – without the expectation of sex.
Intimacy deepens with loving, kind, respectful communication.
Intimacy strengthens your relationship with your partner; it is what gives you pleasure and enjoyment. Following your intimate moments, it’s important to stay present—talking, holding each another, laughing, and just sharing in the intimacy before separating (or going to sleep).
Here’s where sex mostly happens, so make sure your bedroom environment invites sexiness. Clear the clutter. Change the bedding, add some candles, turn off the TV. The important piece is that you create an atmosphere for lovemaking.
Also: Every now and then, get a room! I mean a nice spacious hotel room where you put the emphasis on sex, reconnect with each other, and rediscover yourselves as a couple. A romantic getaway can be the Inn down the street!
Libido isn’t just physical; it’s mental too. If you feel self-conscious about your body, you’ll listen to a negative internal conversation (“self-talk”) about how unattractive you think you are. That’s what your body and attitude will reflect, and your libido goes MIA. Instead, tell yourself that you’re hot, sexy, and attractive.
To help, get some red lingerie (men are turned on by red) that looks amazing on you and that you feel fabulous in. If you need to feel better about yourself, get into a regular exercise program (being active boosts libido too), or find the right diet (which is my next secret!)
Eat foods that help balance your hormones, especially the sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone. My Keto-Green® Diet does exactly this. It offers a unique combination of keto and alkaline foods that optimize hormones and act as aphrodisiacs to provide you with the best nutrients to help with mood, energy levels, hormone balance, and blood circulation (important for orgasms).
Among these Keto-Green foods are oysters, asparagus, avocados, pumpkin seeds, almonds, walnuts, and many more. Plus, my Keto-Green Diet is rich in healthy omega-3 fats, known to create more spark between the sheets because they are building blocks of prostaglandins, hormone-like substances that play a huge role in sexual health. For more on aphrodisiac foods, read this post on nourishing your libido.
And don’t forget to supplement with Nature’s Viagra - Mighty Maca Plus. There is plenty of research on maca, supporting both its libido-enhancing effects as well as its ability to improve infertility. Incorporate maca into your daily routine, and watch your sexual desire skyrocket. Make this herb and diet part of your daily lifestyle, and you’ll have a sex drive raring to go. You can order Mighty Maca Plus from my website.
Here’s my favorite hormone - the powerful hormone of love, bonding, and connection. You need lots of it! I know from personal experience. The chronic stress and PTSD I endured from losing my toddler son triggered a huge drop in my own oxytocin, destroying my sex drive and making me disconnected from the things and people I loved.
We all require more oxytocin in our love life to establish intimacy and attachment, create sexual arousal, reduce stress (which interferes with intimacy for sure), and makes us social, caring individuals that we are.
How can you boost oxytocin in your body? There are many ways, from cuddling with your partner to having a pet. But the number-one way to produce more of this awesome hormone is to have orgasms —so have plenty of them.
If you want to brush up on this love hormone, get my FREE downloadable Cheat Sheet “10 Ways to Increase Oxytocin” from my website, or make sure you have my bestselling books The Hormone Fix, in which I dedicate an entire chapter to oxytocin, Keto-Green 16, and my newest book, Menupause.
If you’re still working on becoming more orgasmic, let me reassure you that your body floods with oxytocin when you feel intimate and connected with your partner, not just during sex. Plus, when I speak of a woman’s orgasm, I’m talking about the entire sexual experience. It doesn’t have to be about whether or not you were able to climax, because through the entire lovemaking session, you’re producing oxytocin, and that is a win—that is, if you are present during the experience and not just going through the motions. Be sure to sign up for my Sexual CPR online class.
Sexual pleasure is your right. It’s reasonable and fair for you to expect great sex now, and all throughout your life!
"I am 63 years old and decided I needed sexual CPR. I am learning so much about my body and how to teach my husband how to enjoy pleasure with each other. We have been married for 45 years and this is just what we needed. Thank you Doctor Anna for your wonderful teaching." - Pam C.
"Loved the videos, real conversations, Doctor Anna Cabeca is very knowledgeable about women's health and give great advise." - Holitte B.
"I'm enjoying the sexual CPR course. The information is amazing. I didn't realize how much I don't know about my body and how much I need to understand to help myself. This is such an eye opener. Thank you Dr. Cabeca!" - Gloria Santiago J.
Aphrodesiac food top pick:
Living in Coastal Georgia, I love seafood! My favorite is raw oysters. Oysters are rich in DHA, zinc and tyrosine, as well as Omega 3-fatty acids, potassium and magnesium. They are an excellent source of a wide variety of nutrients helpful for our physical well-being, weight loss, energy and mood. Did I mention that they play a role in having a strong libido?!
My favorite way to prepare raw oysters is so simple. Serve the oysters on the half shell with horseradish for dip. Easy and delicious! And so good for you, too.
P.S. If you’re dealing with common V issues like vaginal dryness and discomfort during intercourse, you can typically turn to temporary topical treatments, like moisturizers and lubricants. Julva®, my anti-aging cream formulated for delicate skin is an excellent option!